HUMOR: If One Was CEO

More silly stuff from my company's newsletter. They asked us to submit what we would do if we were ceo. These were some of the better responses in my humble opinion. - OlderMusicGeek

“I would have all announcements over the intercom sung to the tune of the song that's being interrupted.”

“Eliminate the usage of e-mail for one day. It is just amazing how much we as a society and company have become so dependent on it. It would be really neat to see people have to communicate a day without e-mail.”

“I'd encourage all employees to ride goats to work. Here's why: 1. Employees will save tons of money and less headache on surging gas prices because goats do not run on gas, they run on grass. Ha! 2. The company will save money on parking lot expansion projects because we can fit more goats there than cars. 3. Every day will be like Ride a Pet to Work Day, which will drive up productivity and make everybody happy at work because we all love our pets. 4. The goats will likely ‘produce’ more goats when they're ‘parked’ in the parking lots, so that will guarantee all future new hires will each get a goat. Oh, my mum can FedEx us some goats for starters if we need to get this plan in action.”

“After a lot of prayer and sincere soul searching, I dug deep down and came up with simple plan that, if I'm only given the chance as CEO to declare it Martial Law, will satisfy the deepest needs and dearest wishes of every employee. We must act now...for the children. Here is my simple plan: If I were CEO I'd suggest that all employees walk to the nearest beautiful piece of farmland, remove the current occupants and start an egalitarian, self-sustaining commune of peace and love. We have plenty of farmers, doctors, masseuses, carpenters, guitar players, belly dancers and gourmet chefs. We won't need money or jobs, just a love of fresh farm food and free massages. At night, if we can be torn from the rampant free love (metaphysically speaking), we will all hold hands in a song of harmony and peace, as days are mostly dedicated to plotting revenge against all our enemies, because Fargo is not that high on hippies. The only rule will be a mandatory two-hour nap and a communal agreement that, although cute, cats are not to be trusted. If they infiltrate, they will turn the commune into a licking and picking station and all of a sudden we will need vacuum cleaners, in which case, we may as well just remain in our office chairs here at (company name deleted)."

I should note all the answers weren't frivolous and there were some good serious responses given - like having a small shop in the building to buy stuff we might need for lunch or at home, various ideas on to better organize our paid time off, getting our anniversary date as a paid holiday and some ideas on how to make our company more environmentally.