This is from a blog called The Bionic Genius Roundtable. - OlderMusicGeek
If I told you there was a man who never seemed to die but lived on century after century, crept about only at night, snuck into our homes through the use of magic, could command animals, kept small people as slaves, could fly through the night sky and had a fascination with children, naturally you’d think I was describing a vampire. But NO! That’s a description of Santa Claus. So, is Santa Claus a vampire? Let’s look at some disturbing facts…
There are several different legends and folktales that make up the modern day depiction of Santa Claus but many of those folktales can be traced back to Europe several centuries ago. This was a time when the dark forests of Europe were rife with vampires the way we have squirrels today. In fact, a certain man known as Vlad “The Impaler” Tepes ruled in the Balkans in the mid-15th century. It could just be a coincidence that Santa Claus was becoming well-known during this time but…
Santa Claus is immortal or should I say “undead”… He appears year after year, century after century.
Forget the mall Santa Clauses. The real Santa Claus only comes out one day a year - check that – one night a year. He is nocturnal. Is this by choice or a dire need to avoid the burning rays of the sun?
The big beard and padded costume help to conceal anything suspicious. The droopy moustache hides the sharp canines. The padding of thick coats and pants hides his bone-thin cadaverous frame. The red costume doesn’t show any spilled blood. Why is his face such an unnaturally bright red hue as to beg comparisons such as “cheeks like roses and a nose like a cherry”? One word: makeup.
How does Santa enter our homes? Not through the front door. Remember that no vampire can enter a home unless invited. This necessitates gaining entry through other methods. The chimney is available but only if you are able to somehow transform into something small enough to fit down a chimney and then somehow fly back up. The form of a bat would fit this bill nicely…
Who builds the toys? We are told that it’s elves but they resemble children. Children who never age but are trapped in a loop of undying servitude perhaps… The cute little “elves” seem to be early victims who are forever trapped in childlike bodies (like Kirsten Dunst in “Interview with a Vampire”) but apparently are willing to help him by building the toys that he delivers.
I am in no way suggesting that Santa Claus is truly evil. Obviously his generosity is sincere and enormous. But I think the facts add up to only one conclusion and that is that he is a vampire. Possibly a reformed vampire who is trying to make up for his past transgressions. Sneaking into our homes once a year to drink our sweet blood while we sleep may be a necessary evil for him. However, because of his gentle (though unbeating) heart, he repays us with toys and gifts. He is a great man and we are lucky to have his spirit with us no matter what manner of creature he may be. So this Christmas, sleep deeply and leave your collar just a little loose for old Santa Claus.
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