sometimes I choke on your laughter
watch with green envy how your face
beams when I enter the room.
is it petty of me to lament that I never
had a father like you—to annoy, mimic,
question, lift your perfect feet up
to wipe your ass, to fall asleep on, to share a face with,
a last name, a space, time, two arms?
-Abdul Ali-
POLITICS & SOCIETY
How Did You Learn To Be A Father?
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Talk Of The Nation, June 18, 2009
Men who become fathers learn quite suddenly that the learning curve is steep and kids don't come with a user's manual. The curve can be more dramatic for men who grew up without dads.
Author Abdul Ali and Duke University professor Mark Anthony Neal talk about how they learned fatherhood.
RELATED NPR STORIES:
June 15, 2009 Following In Your Father's Footsteps
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COMMENTS:
Aaron Rosenthal (sfjayhawk) wrote:
The comments of Petra and Taylor are very frustrating to me. I'm a dad in a heterosexual marriage in San Francisco. I hate Prop. 8 in many, many ways. But Taylor creates a false dichotomy. Anyone who states that fathers are important is not necessarily saying that mother/father childrearing is the only way to do it.
Taylor also says, "Fathers offer no benefit that a mother can't provide." That just isn't true. Can a woman talk to an 18-year old son about what it's like to go from being a boy to a man? Can a father truly relate to his 15-year old daughter's anxiety at being seen as a sex symbol by college kids at a concert?
I believe there are myriad ways to have a family and raise kids. But it's simply ignoring reality to say that men and women are somehow interchangeable.
As for Petra - it sure sounds like you're damning Father's Day because someone left you in a difficult position. That's too bad if that's the case. But what do you suggest? Fathers who work, share housework, childcare and overall parenting burdens should be dismissed because some men can't grow up? That's unproductive.
Thursday, June 18, 2009 7:16:24 PM
David Lindblom (Peleg) wrote:
As a father it was nice to hear a couple of guys talking about raising their kids. One thing really disappointed me though. On the one hand while I really respected and appreciated Neil's stating how anger and frustration can be a problem when raising children I was equally put off by the ridiculous response by his guest Abdul Ali. To respond in such a manner as to give the impression that he (Abdul) didn't really even know what Neil meant by anger and then claim it has never been a problem for him is to be disingenuous and very unhelpful to all parents who do have issues w/ frustration and anger of varying degrees concerning their children. Dishonesty in this manner bothers me to no end. It is never helpful to paint oneself in a false positive light, be honest and truly share in others similar struggles and all will be helped.
Thursday, June 18, 2009 5:14:58 PM
wrote:
After 10 frustrating yrs dealing w/ infidelity my wife and I finally had our son Ayden who will turn 1yr old in just 2 weeks. We thought after all the time reading, speaking w/ other parents, etc thought that we would "have it down". But we now know the meaning of the saying that nothing can prepare you to be a parent. I had no idea of how little sleep you could operate on, or how loving your child so much can actually "hurt" your heart when you see them in pain.
Thursday, June 18, 2009 3:37:37 PM
Josh Miller (aguynamedjosh) wrote:
Despite rocky beginnings, and a sticky divorce, I've been a committed and present father to my daughter (now 7) from the beginning.
In February, my ex-wife, and co-parent, died of breast cancer. This left me the sole support and parent of our wonderful child.
What being, and becoming, a father means to me is that from the moment of taking on this responsibility, I have had to internalize the idea that my life isn't wholly my own. My energy, emotional resources, time, finances, creativity and loyalty are spoken for.
Fatherhood means re-aligning priorities; re-committing to the most fundamental principals; nurturing, non-violence, patience, kindness, and actually sharing all of the deepest parts of personal life with the child.
The need is massive: the stakes are everything. A great role model is a boon, but lacking that, adhesion to honesty, clarity, and kind treatment of a child are principles that don't seem to fail us.
Thursday, June 18, 2009 3:20:32 PM
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