From: nomad@watson.ibm.com (Lee Damon)
You know you are bored when you type up basketball play-by-play while waiting for tapes to spin. This one was conceived in the car on the way to work, and wrote itself that afternoon. As far as I know, it is entirely original.
---"Jesus saves!"
"But Moses gets the rebound, he shoots... he scores!"
"That's right, Dan, looks like the Testaments are really trampling Jesus and his Gospels here at the Garden tonight. Best crowd we've seen at the Garden in quite a while, too. The Testaments have an 18 point lead, and are gaining."
"Well Jack, the Testaments have done well for the last 40 days. Last week, they knocked the sneakers off the Buddhists, and the week before that they trampled the Kaaba. I wouldn't be surprised to see them win the championships this year."
"Paul has the ball, he hands it off to Luke...quick pass to Mark, to Jesus, back to Paul, lay up... hook shot... good!"
"Paul has been doing well tonight, earning 18 of the Gospels' 56 points. Having two cheering sections of Corinthians is really working for him. Jesus has the worst record he's had for a long time, only 10 points all evening. Doesn't look like he'll be changing that water into GatorAde tonight."
"Samson hands off to Noah, back to Samson, back to Noah.. wow, watch that foot work. Noah can sure move his feet for someone 900 years old. Back to Samson, over to Mohammed, back to Noah, up the court to Abraham, over his back hook ... bouncing off the backstop... round the rim .... in!"
"Wow, that Abraham really likes showing off his knife shots. That one was a close call though, he almost missed the backstop entirely."
"Ya Dan, he's been having problems with that lately. Too flashy for many of the other player's tastes. He seems to like making sacrifice plays."
"Mohammed out, Lot in."
"Luke hands to Paul, over to Matthew, to Mark, back to Matthew, they are working the court carefully... over to... oops, intercepted by Noah! Watch that man dribble! Noah lines up, shoots, a perfect swisher! Another 2 for Noah!"
"Now there's a man who doesn't do anything by halves Jack, unlike his team mate, Solomon."
"True Dan, in fact, he seems to do everything by twos."
"On the other hand, the Gospels only have 3 minutes to make up a 20 point deficit. Do you think they can do it?"
"I don't know Dan, though Jesus has been able to pull some pretty amazing miracles, this one may be beyond even Him."
"Abraham out, Sheba in."
"Paul to Jesus, over to Luke, back to Jesus, to Paul... to Luke... to Matthew, to Paul... to Mark... back to Jesus again for the lay up, hook shot... looks like he hit the rim, into the backstop, and back in for 2 points!"
"Dan, have you noticed how none of them are taking advantage of the 3 point rule? The Gospels are going to have to if they want to win this game."
"Samson tosses it over to Moses again... to Sheba... she's been playing real well today, lots of good interception in the first quarter...Sheba hands it to Lot... Lot dribbling slowly, letting time run out, only a few seconds left for him to shoot.... balls up... saved by Jesus, Moses there to cover, gets the ball back before Jesus can take advantage of it... Moses shoots, its good!""Moses seems to always be there to catch those rebounds."
"Yes Jack, the crowd just seems to part for him where ever he goes."
"Oops, looks like one of the ref's has told Jesus something he doesn't like. Jesus has just told him to kiss off."
"The referees, Judas and Herod, want to confer with the Gospels about this, so The Gospels have taken a time out. We'll be right back after this word from our Sponsors; Pope Soap on a Rope, Bernie's Grill, Bar & Mitzvah and Cardinal
Cleaning."
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