CULTURE/SOCIETY: My Christmas This Year (With Commentaries from My Daughter)

This is from me, NOT a reprinted article. - OlderMusicGeek

MY CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR (with commentaries in bold print from my daughter)

Well, this Christmas didn’t turn out to be one of my best Christmases. Wasn’t one of the worst, but I definitely had better ones.

My daughter thought that it was the best Christmas ever. But then almost every movie she sees that she likes is the best movie that she ever saw. – On a side note, I think Spider-Man 3 is about the only movie with lots of incredible special effects that I know of where she said it SUCKED!!! (My daughter insisted on the caps and exclamation marks!)>:D –

But I think the main reason that this was the best Christmas ever was because she got the Nintendo DS Lite that she wanted so badly as well as a digital camera. – I was tired of her messing with mine!>:D –


But for me, things didn’t go as well as I would have liked. I fought with the Zune people, for a week on the phone every night. – My mp3 player is a Zune. And I strongly recommend that you do NOT buy one! - They changed the software and it sucks. And it took a while to get my mp3 player to work again.

AND I GOT 2 B ON FOR ONLY LIKE 1 1/2 HOURS!!!!!!D:<

Admittedly I had trouble, because I tried to downgrade to version 1.4. :) - My daughter isn't the only one who can use emoticons! - The Zune people tried to tell me that I would have to buy a whole new operating system to get the mp3 player software to work. But fortunately after working with them for a week, I was able to figure out to what to download in order to fix it on my own.

IT WAS LIKE 2 AND SOMETHING WEEKS, WHAT R U TAKIN ABOUT!?!?!?! >:O (She only feels it was that long! It was really about one week.) LIAR! >:O

So 3 days before Christmas, I finally had a mp3 player to play my Christmas music on.

I have to admit the week without my 2500+ Christmas tunes at my disposal wasn’t totally bad. I pulled out some old Christmas cassettes and was reminded of some other Christmas tunes that I need to download! IT WAS MORE THAN JUST 2500+ IT WAS LIKE 3,000 LIAR! >:P


I also listened to a couple of great books. I strongly recommend The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror by Christopher Moore. To quote the Entertainment Weekly review, “This is, without a doubt, the greatest story ever told about fruit bats, zombies and miracles.” (I HAVE A PET BAT! NOT IN MY HOUSE, BUT I NAMED HIM!!! >:o) (It's a wild bat that lives at her mother's place and that she lets rest on her arm!) Basically, if Stephen King wrote a Christmas comedy, it would come out something like this tale, which features among other unique characters... 1 - a former druggie who got blackmailed into being a tourist town's only law enforcement, 2 - the wife of the former druggie who was the a star in the Kendra, Warrior Babe of the Outland movies and has quit taking her anti-psychotic drugs to have money to buy her husband a gift, (PSYCHOOO!!!! >:O spookified) 3 – Tucker Case, a former womanizing pilot who is trying to better himself and only doing a mediocre job of that, and also has a pet fruit bat that wears sun glasses,(O.O SPOOKIFIED) and 4 – an angel who announced Jesus' birth 10 years too late because he got caught up in a card game.(JERK!!! IF HE DID THAT TO ME I'D KILL HIM - XD!!!)

And I read Skipping Christmas, the book that the movie, Christmas with the Kranks, is based on. Can't compare it to the movie, cus I haven't seen it yet. And don't have much motivation to do it either. The book starts really slow. I would suggest getting to the part where the daughter calls and says she's coming home, because that's really the point where it starts to get funny. (PSH, SOUNDS BOOORING!!>:P)

I also heard some great new songs this Christmas. Cyndi Lauper of Girls Just Want to Have Fun and She Bop fame has a fun romper called Early Christmas Morning.

And Ringo Starr has had a cd, I Wanna Be Santa Claus, out for a few years, but I only got around this year to listening to these two songs, Christmas Dance and Come on Christmas, Christmas Come On. The first one is a sweet tune about a young man trying to get a courage to ask the girl who he admired from afar to dance with him at, of course, the Christmas dance. The second is just an arena type rocker about Christmas. - Hey, when you have 2500+ Christmas tunes, you don't get to them all each year! - 3,000+ LIAR D:<>


And I still love these tunes I heard the last couple of years! Nobody does such an unique version of this Christmas tune. I mean Ted Nugent and Twisted Sister can both really rock it out, but I still think The Roches' version of Deck the Halls is best! Something about that rocking acoustic guitar and those strange but lovely harmonies.


And their Good King Wenscelas is still my favorite version of that song! (I HAD TO MAKE A FACE SO O.O'\ SPOOKIFIED!!!)


And I can't say enough about my reggae Christmas tunes. Who would think people from the warm Caribbean could do such great versions of tunes associated with the cold and snow! But I strongly recommend Yard Style Christmas, Christmas Greetings from Studio One, The Reggae Christmas Collection and that 3-cd collection from the condom people, The Trojan Christmas Box. (WEIRDO!!! O.O SPOOKIFIED)


Things didn't go so well when we went to look at Christmas lights either. Our newspaper usually has an article every year telling people where the best lights are. Well, if they had it this year, they hid it damn well from the internet and google. I scoured the internet every way I could think of and could not find it.(OOOOOOOOOOOO..........................U CUSSED!!! O.O!)

But I thought, at least I kept the list from last year. Well, I scoured the Christmas boxes for that list, and – of course- it was nowhere to be found. (GASP! O.o)

Well, we had a pretty good idea of where the houses were and there’s a show of lights in a park in our town every year. But it cost $9 per car – and my bank was acting goofy and not letting me take out any money! (HAH, GOOFY? IT WAS EVIIIL >:O JERKS!)

Then two of the homes that have had these awesome displays every year didn’t have them this year! These homes are known for filling their yards and roofs with gobs of doodads and whatnot. This year – nothing! (JERKS >:O !!!)


And my daughter and I also NEVER decorated our Christmas tree this year. The time honored tradition took a lapse this year. We have been getting kind of bad the last couple of years. Usually, we decorated the tree the day after Thanksgiving, but the last two years, it’s been like mid-December before we decorated the tree.

My daughter actually had the tree up on the day after Thanksgiving. I can’t even remember why we didn’t do it on that day. (BECAUSE SOMEONE WAS SICK AND IN BED ALL DAY! >:O ) But it seemed each time we talked about it, either one of us wasn’t in the mood or exhausted. And then there was the week fighting with the Zune people. (more than a week..........D:<) – And yes, I MUST have my 2500+ Christmas tunes with me and at my disposal! I am the OlderMUSICGeek afterall!

We were finally going to do it Christmas Eve. But I caught a nasty cold that ran into Christmas Day. Let me tell, I am so glad that my daughter did not ask for anything that needed assembly this year! I was grateful that Christmas this year involved putting out a couple of Nintendo DS games, a couple of dvd’s and digital camera!


I plan on having a better Christmas next year, do or die! I plan on making Clark Griswold – from Christmas Vacation - look lame and like a scrooge!



A link to all my Christmas and holiday posts

Happy Christmas and/or Boxing Day and/or Kwanzaa and/or Hannakah and/or Bodhi Day and/or Sanghamitta Day and/or Shabe Cheleh and/or Makara Sankranti and/or Junkanoo and/or Dong Zhi and/or Toji and/or Soyal and/or Yule and/or Seva Zistane and/or Alban Arthan and/or Long Night and/or Mean Geimrech and/or Brumalia and/or Dies Natalis Solis Invicti and/or Saturnalia and/or Lenaea and/or Wren Day and/or Tekufah Tevet and/or Winter Solstice and/or ChriFSMas and/or any other December or winter solstice holidays i missed!

Oh, and Bah Humbug to those who don't celebrate the holidays! :)

ENTERTAINMENT: Excerpt from Christopher Moore's The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror

This is an excerpt from the book, The Stupidest Angel, that I mentioned in the above post. - OlderMusicGeek

Excerpt from

The Stupidest Angel

by Christopher Moore

Chapter One
Christmas Creeps

Christmas crept into Pine Cove like a creeping Christmas thing: dragging garland, ribbon, and sleigh bells, oozing eggnog, reeking of pine, and threatening festive doom like a cold sore under the mistletoe.

Pine Cove, her pseudo-Tudor architecture all tarted up in holiday quaintage -- twinkle lights in all the trees along Cypress Street, fake snow blown into the corner of every shop's windows, miniature Santas and giant candles hovering illuminated beneath every streetlight -- opened to the droves of tourists from Los Angeles, San Francisco, and the Central Valley searching for a truly meaningful moment of Christmas commerce. Pine Cove, sleepy California coastal village -- a toy town, really, with more art galleries than gas stations, more wine-tasting rooms than hardware stores -- lay there, as inviting as a drunken prom queen, as Christmas loomed, only five days away. Christmas was coming, and with Christmas this year, would come the Child. Both were vast and irresistible, and miraculous. Pine Cove was expecting only one of the two.

Which is not to say that the locals didn't get into the Christmas spirit. The two weeks before and after Christmas provided a welcome wave of cash into the town's coffers, tourist-starved since summer. Every waitress dusted off her Santa hat and clip-on reindeer antlers and checked to make sure that there were four good pens in her apron. Hotel clerks steeled themselves for the rage of last-minute overbookings, while housekeepers switched from their normal putrid baby-powder air fresheners to a more festive putrid pine and cinnamon. Down at the Pine Cove Boutique they put a "Holiday Special" sign on the hideous reindeer sweater and marked it up for the tenth consecutive year. The Elks,Moose, Masons, and VFWs, who were basically the same bunch of drunk old guys, planned furiously for their annual Christmas parade down Cypress Street, the theme of which this year would be Patriotism in the Bed of a Pickup (mainly because that had been the theme of their Fourth of July parade and everyone still had the decorations). Many Pine Covers even volunteered to man the Salvation Army kettles down in front of the post office and the Thrifty-Mart in two-hour shifts, sixteen hours a day. Dressed in their red suits and fake beards, they rang their bells like they were going for dog-spit gold at the Pavlov Olympics.


"Give up the cash, you cheap son of a bitch," said Lena Marquez, who was working the kettle that Monday, five days before Christmas. Lena was following Dale Pearson, Pine Cove's evil developer, through the parking lot, ringing the bejeezus out of him as he headed for his truck. On his way into the Thrifty-Mart, he'd nodded to her and said, "Catch you on the way out," but when he emerged eight minutes later, carrying a sack of groceries and a bag of ice, he blew by her kettle like she was using it to render tallow from building inspectors' butts and he needed to escape the stench.

"It's not like you can't afford a couple of bucks for the less fortunate."

She rang her bell especially hard right by his ear and he spun around, swinging the bag of ice at her about hip level.

Lena jumped back. She was thirty-eight, lean, darkskinned, with the delicate neck and finely set jawline of a flamenco dancer; her long black hair was coiled into two Princess Leia cinnabuns on either side of her Santa hat. "You can't take a swing at Santa! That's wrong in so many ways that I don't have time to enumerate them."

"You mean to count them," Dale said, the soft winter sunlight glinting off a new set of veneers he'd just had installed on his front teeth. He was fifty-two, almost completely bald, and had strong carpenter's shoulders that were still wide and square, despite the beer gut hanging below.

"I mean it's wrong -- you're wrong -- and you're cheap," and with that Lena put the bell next to his ear again and shook it like a red-suited terrier shaking the life out of a screaming brass rat.

Dale cringed at the sound and swung the ten-pound bag of ice in a great underhanded arc that caught Lena in the solar plexus and sent her backpedaling across the parking lot, gasping for breath. That's when the ladies at BULGES called the cops -- well, cop.


BULGES was a women's fitness center located just above the parking lot of the Thrifty-Mart, and from their treadmills and stair-climbing machines, the BULGES members could watch the ins and outs of the local market without feeling as if they were actively spying. So what had started as a moment of sheer glee and a mild adrenaline surge for the six of them who were watching as Lena chased Dale through the parking lot, turned quickly to shock as the evil developer thwacked the Latin Santa-ette in the breadbasket with a satchel of minicubes. Five of the six merely missed a step or gasped, but Georgia Bauman -- who had her treadmill cranked up to eight miles per hour at that very moment, because she was trying to lose fifteen pounds by Christmas and fit into a red-sequined sheath cocktail dress her husband had bought for her in a fit of sexual idealism -- bowled backward off her treadmill and landed in a colorful spandex tangle of yoga students who had been practicing on the mats behind her.

"Ow, my ass chakra!"

"That's your root chakra."

"Feels like my ass."

"Did you see that? He nearly knocked her off her feet. Poor thing."

"Should we see if she's all right?"

"Someone should call Theo."

The exercisers opened their cell phones in unison, like the Jets flicking switchblades as they gaily danced into a West Side Story gang-fight to the death . . .

A link to an ad for The Stupidest Angel

A link to all my Christmas and holiday posts

Happy Christmas and/or Boxing Day and/or Kwanzaa and/or Hannakah and/or Bodhi Day and/or Sanghamitta Day and/or Shabe Cheleh and/or Makara Sankranti and/or Junkanoo and/or Dong Zhi and/or Toji and/or Soyal and/or Yule and/or Seva Zistane and/or Alban Arthan and/or Long Night and/or Mean Geimrech and/or Brumalia and/or Dies Natalis Solis Invicti and/or Saturnalia and/or Lenaea and/or Wren Day and/or Tekufah Tevet and/or Winter Solstice and/or ChriFSMas and/or any other December or winter solstice holidays i missed!

Oh, and Bah Humbug to those who don't celebrate the holidays! :)

CULTURE/SOCIETY: Holiday Gifts Pave the Way to Self-Sufficiency

This was a Christmas article I found using Netvibes. It got the article from Topix, which got it from Irin. If that doesn't make sense, don't worry about it.

Anyway, the article involves the country in Africa that I lived in for a few years. So I reprinting the parts about the country here. You can click here if you link to the complete article. - OlderMusicGeek

Holiday gifts pave the way to self-sufficiency

TURUPU, 24 December 2007 (IRIN) - When Mamanuel Rampai heard she would receive a free pig for Christmas a few years ago, purchased by an anonymous donor in the US through an aid group's online gift catalogue, she all but dismissed the present.

But the gift, a seven-month-old sow named Pinki, has since made her a role model for other pig farmers in her rural community. "I've learned so much about how to care for them, because they've become a livelihood," Rampai, 43, told IRIN.

Rampai lives in Turupu, one of Lesotho’s many remote mountainous villages and used to survive on the occasional sale of a chicken and during periods of drought was dependent on international food aid. Her life mirrored the economic stagnancy of the other 80 families in her village, hard hit by the combined effects of poverty, food insecurity and HIV/AIDS.

"Life was difficult for my family," she said in front of the cinder-block home she shares with her seven children. "School fees cost 1,300 Maloti (US$194) per child per year. I couldn't pay for all of them to go to school every year."

Rampai's fortunes changed when the international charity World Vision gave her Pinki. In the last 16 months, Pinki's proven to be an income-generating resource, producing 24 piglets, which Rampai has sold at various points of development to earn between 150 Maloti (US$21) and 1,000 Maloti (US$145) each.

"I never expected I could earn this much by raising pigs," Rampai said in front of Pinki's sty.

Funds for Pinki were donated through World Vision's gift catalogue – which allows charitable shoppers to 'buy' symbolic presents for impoverished communities. An individual donor can choose dairy goats in Malawi, alpacas in Ecuador, and in this case – pigs in Lesotho. A charitable online shopper in the US clicked their mouse and paid $195 to cover the cost of the pig, which World Vision then granted to Rampai.

Changing lives
The grants though are not symbolic for beneficiaries such as Rampai. Next year, she expects to have the funds for her 20-year-old daughter to complete high schooling and hopes that her daughter will continue her education at a university in neighbouring South Africa the following year.

She's also sees hope for her own future. "I want to have a highly improved life when I am an old lady, so my life gets easier in old age," said Rampai.

Nine other families in her village were given pigs at about the same time. So far, they've given or sold a number of piglets to needy neighbours, and sold older offspring to the slaughterhouse in the capital, Maseru. In little more than a year, the group has raised 10,000 Maloti (US$1,445). A portion of this is used to support the village's five children orphaned by HIV/AIDS with school uniforms and materials – a condition all recipients agreed to when they received the pigs. The rest of the earnings are divided between them.

Village chief Mathato Leluma told IRIN these were the area's first entrepreneurs. "The way they are regularly feeding the pigs, and even fetching water from far away during the drought. It shows they're determined to make it a success."

However, the grant project has created tensions within the village. "When we see that people are jealous, we encourage them to form the same kind of group," said villager Molulela Ramanyaka, 29. "And we ask them to buy our pigs."

Other members are dreaming big; they see Turupu becoming a key pig farming community in the coming years.

"Right now, we have to go all the way to Maseru to reach a slaughterhouse. That's two hours away," said 38-year-old Makhabela Macheli. "My wish is that in 10 years we'll build our own slaughterhouse to serve this area. And, yes, I want to be the boss."

Sustainable growth
World Vision Lesotho says of all its operations, the small capital investments supported by the gift catalogue are the most life-changing, because they are run by individual families.

"This project is strong on sustainability because it targets the household," said Hape Matli, operations director of World Vision Lesotho. "Everyone takes care of their own projects, compared to when we pool people together."

World Vision still supplies feed for the pigs. Matli says she would like to design a model in the future where beneficiaries take full financial ownership of the project more quickly, which may entail more training in business skills. Matli said group members often do not know the fair market value of their livestock, so they may not earn as much as they deserve.

"If I could talk to the donor in America who made this possible, one thing I'd say is that I'm very thankful for the help they've given us. Because this has improved our lives," Rampai told IRIN.

gw/go/tdm
Theme(s): (IRIN) Economy, (IRIN) Food Security

A link to the complete article at the Irin website

A link to all my Christmas and holiday posts

Happy Christmas and/or Boxing Day and/or Kwanzaa and/or Hannakah and/or Bodhi Day and/or Sanghamitta Day and/or Shabe Cheleh and/or Makara Sankranti and/or Junkanoo and/or Dong Zhi and/or Toji and/or Soyal and/or Yule and/or Seva Zistane and/or Alban Arthan and/or Long Night and/or Mean Geimrech and/or Brumalia and/or Dies Natalis Solis Invicti and/or Saturnalia and/or Lenaea and/or Wren Day and/or Tekufah Tevet and/or Winter Solstice and/or ChriFSMas and/or any other December or winter solstice holidays i missed!

Oh, and Bah Humbug to those who don't celebrate the holidays! :)

CULTURE/SOCIETY: Yule School to Teach Santa's Elves

Some may complain that this is too late, but I say it's still the holiday season until Jan 1. So here's an article I noticed on Yahoo. It's from Reuters. I shortened the article, but here's a link to the complete article. - OlderMusicGeek

Yule school to teach Santa's elves
By Agnieszka Flak Wed Dec 19, 8:50 AM ET

ROVANIEMI, Finland (Reuters) - Customer service, story-telling, nature studies and wilderness survival are essential skills for any elf worthy of the name.

Anyone who aspires to a job as a Santa's helper can acquire them at a new Elf Academy in Rovaniemi, 2,600 km (1,600 miles) from the North Pole, which Finland claims as home to the "real" Santa Claus.

The competencies an elf needs are vast, says Esa Sakkinen, project coordinator and teacher at the Lapland Vocational College which will be running the academy.

They do more than pack the gifts that families pick up at the Christmas market outside "Santa's house" or help answer the 750,000 letters that arrive at his local post office each year.

"An elf needs to know how to make a fire in the snow ... also the local nature and animals, because you never know what the clients or kids are going to ask," he said.

The Santa business is vital to the region where unemployment is nearly double the Finnish average, winter temperatures average minus 15 to minus 10 degrees Celsius (5-14 Fahrenheit), and the snow can be more than a meter deep.

The first planeload of tourists visiting Santa landed in Lapland about 20 years ago and today about 500,000 tourists -- mainly from France, Britain and Russia -- visit Rovaniemi and Santa's nearby village each year.

The Christmas season contributed about one-third of the region's 2006 tourist income of 540 million euros ($774.1 million). Many people arrive on a day-trip to visit Santa, learn to drive huskies, taste local delicacies and -- with luck -- glimpse the Northern Lights above pine trees fat with snow.

Despite rival Santa Claus theme parks and Christmas markets in the United States, Canada, Japan, Iceland, Norway, Sweden and Germany, the region says visitors to Finnish Lapland are increasing year by year.

PROFESSION: ELF
The new academy is the answer to a business need and an attempt to provide skills to help the long-term unemployed find out-of-season work. About 500 elves work in Rovaniemi, a town of 60,000 where in 2006 the unemployment rate was 14 percent, compared with a national average of 7.7 percent.

"The companies working in the business asked us whether we could develop the profession of elves and we said 'why not?"' said Sakkinen.

With about 1,000 young people leaving school or university each year and local jobs scarce, the competition to be a part of the Christmas magic is fierce. Hundreds vie for the often seasonal jobs with the region's 10 main safari companies.

Given the hostile climate, the region's tourist attractions focus on activities: cruises on an icebreaker, reindeer safaris, or simply hunting and canoeing. Each needs an elf or guide.

Elina Hakala, an elf in her mid-20s whose working name is Fir Cone, has been with Arctic Safaris full-time for three years, and said it can be a challenge to maintain children's enthusiasm throughout an action-packed day at sub-zero temperatures.

Language skills are essential: last year, visitors came from 48 countries, according to Sakkinen. Most speak English, but numbers are growing from countries farther afield, such as Japan.
(Editing by Sara Ledwith and Andrew Dobbie)

A link to the complete article at Reuters

A link to all my Christmas and holiday posts

Happy Christmas and/or Boxing Day and/or Kwanzaa and/or Hannakah and/or Bodhi Day and/or Sanghamitta Day and/or Shabe Cheleh and/or Makara Sankranti and/or Junkanoo and/or Dong Zhi and/or Toji and/or Soyal and/or Yule and/or Seva Zistane and/or Alban Arthan and/or Long Night and/or Mean Geimrech and/or Brumalia and/or Dies Natalis Solis Invicti and/or Saturnalia and/or Lenaea and/or Wren Day and/or Tekufah Tevet and/or Winter Solstice and/or ChriFSMas and/or any other December or winter solstice holidays i missed!

Oh, and Bah Humbug to those who don't celebrate the holidays! :)

HUMOR: A Pirate’s Night Before Christmas

Well, mateys, you should be knowin' that I be havin' a likin' for the Pirate talk. So I be showin' ye scallywags t'is here poem that I be finding by googling "pirate" and "Twas the Night Before Christmas". Merry Christm's! - OlderMusicGeek

A Pirate’s Night Before Christmas by David Ruffin

'Twere the night before Christmas and far out ta sea,
The Pirates was sleepin’ as snug as could be.
“Cept me, the lookout, I’m walkin’ the deck.
I knew if I didn’t they’d sure stretch me neck.

So now you can imagine it was quite a surprise
When a light in the distance come unto me eyes.
I peered thru the spyglass, then let out a hoot,
For out on the billows I spied some old koot.

There was nary a reindeer, and neither a sleigh,
But eight silver dolphins was pullin’ a red dingy my way.
And there at the tiller was ol’ cap’n Nick,
Who called to them dolphins and that did the trick.

Yo Ho Teach, Yo Ho Bonnet, Argh Conditt and Tew
Avast Moody and Roberts, Rackham and Every, too
Over those white caps, now heave along side.
And there by the gun-ports, the dingy he tied.

I run to the railin’ and peered down the side
Then scurried back aft ‘hind the capstan to hide.
And whil’st I was peekin’ a seabag come flyin’,
Heaved to the deck by ol’ Nick, I’m not lyin’.

Then right over the railin’ that dog comes a slidin’
And rolls cross the deck while me time I’m just bidin’.
He tries to stand upright, that scurvy old bastard
But falls in the scuppers, the old fart was plastered.

He was fat as a lard tub, with only one eye
And a great big ol’ stump hung below his left thigh.
A hook for a hand shone in the moon’s glow
And he stank like a they bilges or a Port Royal ‘Ho

His coat it was tattered, his boot, not so shiney
And his trousers hung low, I could just see his hiney.
In the braids of his beard I could see some burned matches
And I’m thinkin’ it ‘bout time I battened me hatches.

I crawled past the mizzen and was headed below
When right over the railin’, some chunks he did blow.
Then he turned with a smile that showed off his last tooth
And scratched at his crotch, My God! He’s uncouth.

But he jacked up his trousers and he turned to his bag
And grabbed out a present and was readin’ the tag.
A pistol for Captain, for the Bosun a whistle,
For the swabby a new brush that had only one bristle.

He kept at his labor ‘till he emptied his sack
Then run off to the galley ta find him a snack.
But instead of a cookie or some jam on a bun,
He stumbled back topside with a bottle of Rum.

I thought he had missed me but I was mistaken.
He winked his good eye towards where I stood a shakin’.
He stuck a fat finger inside his red nose
And pulled out a booger which he flicked at his toes.

He glanced round the deck to take stock of his work
Tossed over his seabag and turned with a jerk
He reached in his pocket and rolled him a fag
Then lit it and leaned on the rail for a drag

As I stood entranced the rail give a creak
The splash down below told me Old Nick was takin’ a leak.
He adjusted his mainmast and shook off his boot
I called over to him, “Yo, thanks for the loot!”

He saluted back at me, then sprung into motion
But he missed the red dingy and fell in the ocean.
Which startled the dolphins, but he grabbed hold the line,
Shoutin', “Merry Christmas, ye bugger. Don’t worry. I’m fine!”

A ship ta the original site of yonder poem

T'is here be anoth'r version...



A vessel ta all me Christmas an' holiday posts

May ye be havin' a happy Christmas and/or Boxing Day and/or Kwanzaa and/or Hannakah and/or Bodhi Day and/or Sanghamitta Day and/or Shabe Cheleh and/or Makara Sankranti and/or Junkanoo and/or Dong Zhi and/or Toji and/or Soyal and/or Yule and/or Seva Zistane and/or Alban Arthan and/or Long Night and/or Mean Geimrech and/or Brumalia and/or Dies Natalis Solis Invicti and/or Saturnalia and/or Lenaea and/or Wren Day and/or Tekufah Tevet and/or Winter Solstice and/or ChriFSMas and/or any other December or winter solstice holidays I be missin'!

Oh, and Bah Humbug ta those scurvy dogs who not be celebratin' th' holidays! :)

HUMOR and CULTURE/SOCIETY: What to Say about That ‘Special’ Gift

This is another piece that comes from my work newsletter. - OlderMusicGeek

If you receive a holiday gift that leaves you speechless, try one of these responses found on the Internet.

1. I really don’t deserve this.

2. To think, this is the year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity.

3. Sadly, tomorrow I enter the Federal Witness Protection Program.

4. I love it, but I fear the jealousy it will inspire.

5. If the dog buries it, I’ll be furious!

6. Gosh. I hope this never catches fire! It is fire season, though. There are lots of unexplained

fires.

7. This is prefect for wearing around the basement.

8. Boy if I had not recently shot up four sizes, this would’ve fit.

9. Well, well, well…

10. Hey! There’s a gift.

A link to all my Christmas and holiday posts

Happy Christmas and/or Boxing Day and/or Kwanzaa and/or Hannakah and/or Bodhi Day and/or Sanghamitta Day and/or Shabe Cheleh and/or Makara Sankranti and/or Junkanoo and/or Dong Zhi and/or Toji and/or Soyal and/or Yule and/or Seva Zistane and/or Alban Arthan and/or Long Night and/or Mean Geimrech and/or Brumalia and/or Dies Natalis Solis Invicti and/or Saturnalia and/or Lenaea and/or Wren Day and/or Tekufah Tevet and/or Winter Solstice and/or ChriFSMas and/or any other December or winter solstice holidays i missed!

Oh, and Bah Humbug to those who don't celebrate the holidays! :)

HUMOR and CULTURE/SOCIETY: Santa Claus IS A Woman!

At work, I saw a Christmas card that said Santa Claus could NEVER be a woman.

The reasons the card gave were that only a male would get involved one month of the year and not lift a finger the other 11 months, but still consider himself a saint!

I tried to find the card on the Google, but couldn't. Instead, I found this piece from Goofball.com. - OlderMusicGeek

I think Santa Claus is a woman. I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing, social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!

For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman. Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the K-Mart bag.

Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead,gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh, amid wide-eyed,desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist. Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.

Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:

Men can't pack a bag.

Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.

Men would feel their masculinity is threatened . . . having to be seen with all those elves.

Men don't answer their mail.

Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described, even in jest, as anything remotely resembling a "bowl full of jelly."

Men aren't interested in stockings unless they're black and are attached to a garter belt.

Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.

Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.

A link to all my Christmas and holiday posts

Happy Christmas and/or Boxing Day and/or Kwanzaa and/or Hannakah and/or Bodhi Day and/or Sanghamitta Day and/or Shabe Cheleh and/or Makara Sankranti and/or Junkanoo and/or Dong Zhi and/or Toji and/or Soyal and/or Yule and/or Seva Zistane and/or Alban Arthan and/or Long Night and/or Mean Geimrech and/or Brumalia and/or Dies Natalis Solis Invicti and/or Saturnalia and/or Lenaea and/or Wren Day and/or Tekufah Tevet and/or Winter Solstice and/or ChriFSMas and/or any other December or winter solstice holidays i missed!

Oh, and Bah Humbug to those who don't celebrate the holidays! :)

HUMOR, ENTERTAINMENT, CULTURE/SOCIETY and SPIRITUALITY/RELIGION: Christmanukkah Greetings from The Strangerhood

This is a Christmanukkah greeting from an internet show called "The Strangerhood". And I strongly recommend it - it is very funny! - OlderMusicGeek



A link to the internet show, "The Strangerhood"

A link to all my Christmas and holiday posts

Happy Christmas and/or Boxing Day and/or Kwanzaa and/or Hannakah and/or Bodhi Day and/or Sanghamitta Day and/or Shabe Cheleh and/or Makara Sankranti and/or Junkanoo and/or Dong Zhi and/or Toji and/or Soyal and/or Yule and/or Seva Zistane and/or Alban Arthan and/or Long Night and/or Mean Geimrech and/or Brumalia and/or Dies Natalis Solis Invicti and/or Saturnalia and/or Lenaea and/or Wren Day and/or Tekufah Tevet and/or Winter Solstice and/or ChriFSMas and/or any other December or winter solstice holidays i missed!

Oh, and Bah Humbug to those who don't celebrate the holidays! :)

SCIENCE, CULTURE/SOCIETY and SPIRITUALITY/RELIGION: Suicide: Holidays' Darkest Myth

This is an article from The L.A. Times that I found with Netvibes.com. I shortened to make it read more quickly. Here's a link to the complete article. - OlderMusicGeek

Suicide: holidays' darkest myth
Contrary to past reports, depression and suicide rates actually fall during the holidays.

By Susan Brink (susan.brink@latimes.com), Los Angeles Times Staff Writer
December 17, 2007

It was Christmas Eve when George Bailey stared into the black depths of the river beneath the bridge in Bedford Falls, convinced that the world would be better off without him. That scene from the 1946 movie classic "It's a Wonderful Life" could well have given birth to the media myth that Christmas is a trigger for increased suicides and episodes of depression.

It is a baseless notion, according to a body of published studies by statisticians who have examined hundreds of thousands of suicides in the United States and around the world. The number of suicides goes down, not up, over the holiday season, by as much as 40%.

In one of the most thorough examinations of what researchers call acts of deliberate self-harm, which can be an indication of depression, Helen Bergen, research scientist at the University of Oxford, found that Christmas, for most people, is protective.

Bergen and colleagues reached this conclusion after examining emergency room admission records of 19,346 people in England and looking at daily rates of self-induced injury from 1976 to 2003.

Drug or alcohol overdoses, self-poisoning with gas or other harmful substances and self-inflicted injuries-- with or without the deliberate intention to die -- all decreased from average levels during the week of Dec. 19-26, Bergen and colleagues found, and these lowered levels held through New Year's Day.

The decrease in rates of self-inflicted damage before, on and immediately after Christmas and into the New Year was found regardless of age, family connections or social isolation, the researchers reported in the September issue of the journal Social Science & Medicine.

Even people with family relationship problems were less inclined to attempt to hurt themselves during the holidays. "These findings are contrary to the popular view that Christmas is a time of stress and arguments," Bergen says. Perhaps, she says, problems within the nuclear family ease up instead of intensify when the extended family is around.

Another possible reason why depression and suicide rates fall this time of year is that the season, more than other times, is one of giving. "People tend to reach out over the holidays," says Dr. Douglas Jacobs, a psychiatrist at Harvard Medical School. Elderly people in nursing homes might suddenly get visitors. People who haven't heard from friends all year might get a card or a phone call.

It's only in the last year that the majority of news stories reflected the fact versus the myth about seasonal suicide rates, says Romer, who since 2000 has been tracking trends in media interpretations of the link between holidays and suicide. In a national search of news stories linking the holidays with suicide, he says, 9% of news organizations supported the myth in 2006, compared with 57% in 2005 and 77% in 1999.

An extra dose of caring probably adds to the psychological protection of a season that seems to insist on happiness. No matter how bad it may seem, holiday rituals add up to more good than bad, buffering adults and children against depression and anxiety.

Barbara Fiese, chairwoman of psychology at Syracuse University, reviewed 32 studies done over 50 years and concluded that holiday family rituals may be annoying, but they're good for us. People with strong family routines and rituals at holiday time reported more marital satisfaction, better academic achievement among children and better overall health among family members, she found. Even in families in which there has been a divorce, the continuation of family rituals improves the children's ability to adapt and increases their stability.

A link to the complete article

A link to all my Christmas and holiday posts

Happy Christmas and/or Boxing Day and/or Kwanzaa and/or Hannakah and/or Bodhi Day and/or Sanghamitta Day and/or Shabe Cheleh and/or Makara Sankranti and/or Junkanoo and/or Dong Zhi and/or Toji and/or Soyal and/or Yule and/or Seva Zistane and/or Alban Arthan and/or Long Night and/or Mean Geimrech and/or Brumalia and/or Dies Natalis Solis Invicti and/or Saturnalia and/or Lenaea and/or Wren Day and/or Tekufah Tevet and/or Winter Solstice and/or ChriFSMas and/or any other December or winter solstice holidays i missed!

Oh, and Bah Humbug to those who don't celebrate the holidays! :)

CULTURE/SOCIETY: Businessman Starts Santa Claus Hotline after Phone Number Mix-Up

I found this article from the KSBY 6 Action News website in a rather round-about way. I was checking the searches that brought up my site - you can do this with SiteMeter. And this story and my post came up with the search, "1-800-SANTA CLAUS". I thought it was a sweet and good story for Christmas time. :) - OlderMusicGeek

Goleta businessman starts his own Santa Claus hotline after a phone number mix-up

Posted: Dec 7, 2007 08:24 PM
Friday, December 7, 2007
Reported by: Leana Orsua
GOLETA

They thought they were calling Santa Claus, but got a south coast businessman instead.

It's all because the phone numbers "1-800-Santa Claus" and "1-800-Santa Barbara" are only one digit apart.

1-800-Santa Barbara is a visitor information hotline run by John Dickson of Goleta. Last year he was flooded with calls from kids who thought they dialed 1-800-Santa Claus.

Now Dickson is making the most of this merry mix-up.

They were the Christmas calls that kept John Dickson up at night last year.

"But this Christmas Season, kids who misdial 1-800-Santa Claus and reach 1-800-Santa Barbara will be greeted by old Saint Nick.

"I ended up talking to these kids pretty much morning to night for about a whole week just on my own and sat right about here listening to kids all day," recalls Dickson.

Last year he fielded hundreds of Christmas wishes that were supposed to go to the North Pole. But this year there won't be any accidents. He is setting up an official Santa phone center, equipped with Santa, Mrs. Claus and a host of volunteer helpers.

"If you can talk on the phone and have a good heart with children, that's enough," says Dickson.

The call center will be set up here at the Montecito Bank and Trust on State Street. Santa and Mrs. Claus will answer five phone lines, 12 hours each day.

Melissa Mceacheron, who works at the bank will be one of Santa's helpers, "We just thought it was such a nice thing that he was doing for all the kids around the world," she said.

As Dickson gets his helpers ready, he takes a moment to reflect on the rush that's to come. "It was like a slow tidal wave that moved in, a tidal wave of good cheer."

The Santa Call Center will be up and running on December 17. It will run for one week ending on Christmas Eve.

Last year John took in 973 calls, this year he expects to get in the thousands.

That number again, is 1 (800) Santa Barbara.

A link to the original KSBY 6 Action News article

A link to all my Christmas and holiday posts

Happy Christmas and/or Boxing Day and/or Kwanzaa and/or Hannakah and/or Bodhi Day and/or Sanghamitta Day and/or Shabe Cheleh and/or Makara Sankranti and/or Junkanoo and/or Dong Zhi and/or Toji and/or Soyal and/or Yule and/or Seva Zistane and/or Alban Arthan and/or Long Night and/or Mean Geimrech and/or Brumalia and/or Dies Natalis Solis Invicti and/or Saturnalia and/or Lenaea and/or Wren Day and/or Tekufah Tevet and/or Winter Solstice and/or ChriFSMas and/or any other December or winter solstice holidays i missed!

Oh, and Bah Humbug to those who don't celebrate the holidays! :)

CULTURE/SOCIETY: Why Men Don't Create Christmas Wrapping

This is an email I got from good old Ernest T Spoon. - OlderMusicGeek

Why men don't create Christmas wrapping...

A link to all the stuff Ernest T Spoon has sent me

A link to all my Christmas and holiday posts

Happy Christmas and/or Boxing Day and/or Kwanzaa and/or Hannakah and/or Bodhi Day and/or Sanghamitta Day and/or Shabe Cheleh and/or Makara Sankranti and/or Junkanoo and/or Dong Zhi and/or Toji and/or Soyal and/or Yule and/or Seva Zistane and/or Alban Arthan and/or Long Night and/or Mean Geimrech and/or Brumalia and/or Dies Natalis Solis Invicti and/or Saturnalia and/or Lenaea and/or Wren Day and/or Tekufah Tevet and/or Winter Solstice and/or ChriFSMas and/or any other December or winter solstice holidays i missed!

Oh, and Bah Humbug to those who don't celebrate the holidays! :)

CULTURE/SOCIETY: Silly Adult - Christmas is for Kids

This is from a weekly supplement our newspaper puts out for 20- and 30-somethings. But I still read it anyway, just to keep up on what's going on. - OlderMusicGeek.

Silly Adult - Christmas is for Kids
by sarah dose
sarah@dmjuice.com

Yay, holidays.

Ahem.

YAY, HOLIDAYS.

Right?

Oh, &*#@%.

OK. It's not that I hate them. If I boil it down, I actually quite like the festivities that come with Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah and New Year's Eve.

Holiday cards. Holiday lights (although some houses think lights are to be used year-round and not just in December). Cookies. Candy. Family. More family. My mom's incredible caramels. Crab legs for Christmas dinner.

But there are the bad things, too. Shopping. Traffic. "Feliz Navidad" on repeat. Dividing your time to make sure you're spending enough time with each family member/friend/etc.

So I got to thinking the other day. When did I start making the turn to Scrooge-land?

When I was a kid, NOTHING was bad about Christmas. Presents! Candy! Cookies!

Then it hit me. Christmas is for kids. Think about it. Adults don't sit on Santa's lap. Adults don't throw hissy fits when they don't get enough presents. Adults don't display unbridled greed and candy-mongering. Adults don't make three-page Christmas lists. That kind of behavior is "frowned upon."

Yup, Christmas started going downhill when I found out Santa wasn't real. When you find that out, you're not an innocent kid anymore.

When I found out (from my older sister), I couldn't believe it. I couldn't fathom my Barbies being made anywhere but the North Pole. Suddenly, my Barbies were BORING. Then I thought, "My parents lied to me? I will pay them back by being a sullen teenager."

Christmas went downhill even more when I started making money. The novelty (and heartfelt thoughtfulness) of a macaroni necklace for mom just wasn't going to cut it anymore. I had to dish out cash for something she would actually wear in public. Welcome to adulthood.

But I digress ...

This year, I'm going to be a good little girl and not think about the bad parts of Christmas (no 31 year old gets a sack of candy when she leaves church on Christmas Eve).

Instead, I will focus on how lucky I am to be able to spend time with my family (but not too much) and that it's not about the getting, but the giving (even if the present I got my sister was WAY nicer than what she got me).

I will cozy up around the fireplace (or TV) with my family and sing carols (or yell at sportscasters) in coordinating sweaters.

In other words, all I want for Christmas is a little childish innocence (and candy).

A link to all my Christmas and holiday posts

Happy Christmas and/or Boxing Day and/or Kwanzaa and/or Hannakah and/or Bodhi Day and/or Sanghamitta Day and/or Shabe Cheleh and/or Makara Sankranti and/or Junkanoo and/or Dong Zhi and/or Toji and/or Soyal and/or Yule and/or Seva Zistane and/or Alban Arthan and/or Long Night and/or Mean Geimrech and/or Brumalia and/or Dies Natalis Solis Invicti and/or Saturnalia and/or Lenaea and/or Wren Day and/or Tekufah Tevet and/or Winter Solstice and/or ChriFSMas and/or any other December or winter solstice holidays I missed!

Oh, and Bah Humbug to those who don't celebrate the holidays! :)

CULTURE/SOCIETY: A 3-Minute Test That I Used to Give the First Day of Class

I found this with, once again, StumbleUpon. It's a test that I always gave on the first day of class when I was a teacher. There are different variations of this all over the place, internet and hard copy. StumbleUpon picked it up from the website, Books, Cats, Tech. - OlderMusicGeek

Three-minute timed test.

1. Read everything before doing anything.

2. Put your name in the upper left-hand corner of this paper.

3. Circle the word "Name" in sentence two.

4. Draw five small squares in the upper left-hand corner of this
paper.

5. Put an X in each square.

6. Sign your name under the title of this paper.

7. After the title, write "Yes, yes, yes."

8. Put a circle around sentence seven.

9. Put an X in the lower left-hand corner of this paper.

10. Draw a triangle around the X you just put down.

11. On the back of this paper, multiply 703 by 66.

12. Draw a rectangle around the word "paper" in sentence four.

13. Call out your first name when you get to this point in the
test.

14. If you think you have followed directions carefully to this
point, call out "I have."

15. On the reverse side of this paper, add 8950 and 9850.

16. Put a circle around your answer and put a square around the
circle.

17. Count out in your normal speaking voice, from ten to one backward.

18. Punch three small holes in the top of this paper with your pencil.

19. If you are the first person to get this far, call out loudly, "I
am the first person to this point, and I am the leader in following
directions."

20. Underline all even numbers on the side of this page.

21. Put a square around every number written out on this test.

22. Say out loud, "I am nearly finished, I have followed directions."

23. Now that you have finished reading carefully, do only number 2.

A link to a copy of the test I found

HUMOR and SPIRITUALITY/RELIGION:The Official God F.A.Q.

Well, as I've said before, I'm agnostic. But I found this amusing enough to pass on. :) - OlderMusicGeek

THE OFFICIAL GOD FAQ

CULTURE/SOCIETY and POLITICS: A Questionnaire about Heterosexuality

This is a questionnaire used for teaching about homosexuality. I found it using StumbleUpon.com. It's from the Advocates for Youth website. I liked it. Hope you will too. :) - OlderMusicGeek

Heterosexual Questionnaire

Please answer the following questions as honestly as possible.

1. What do you think caused your heterosexuality?
2. When and how did you first decide you were heterosexual?
3. Is it possible that your heterosexuality is just a phase you may grow out of?
4. Is it possible that your heterosexuality stems from a fear of others of the same sex?
5. If you have never slept with a member of your own sex, is it possible that you might be gay if you tried it?
6. If heterosexuality is normal, why are so many mental patients heterosexual?
7. Why do you heterosexual people try to seduce others into your lifestyle?
8. Why do you flaunt your heterosexuality? Can't you just be who you are and keep it quiet?
9. The great majority of child molesters are heterosexual. Do you consider it safe to expose your children to heterosexual teachers?
10. With all the societal support that marriage receives, the divorce rate is spiraling. Why are there so few stable relationships among heterosexual people?
11. Why are heterosexual people so promiscuous?
12. Would you want your children to be heterosexual, knowing the problems they would face, such as heartbreak, disease, and divorce?

* Created by Martin Rochlin, Ph.D., January 1977, and adapted for use here.

A link to the questionnaire

A link to the Advocates for Youth website

HUMOR (and POLITICS): Christmas Comics

These are just some comics I found on the internet. - OlderMusicGeek




Happy Christmas and/or Boxing Day and/or Kwanzaa and/or Hannakah and/or Bodhi Day and/or Sanghamitta Day and/or Shabe Cheleh and/or Makara Sankranti and/or Junkanoo and/or Dong Zhi and/or Toji and/or Soyal and/or Yule and/or Seva Zistane and/or Alban Arthan and/or Long Night and/or Mean Geimrech and/or Brumalia and/or Dies Natalis Solis Invicti and/or Saturnalia and/or Lenaea and/or Wren Day and/or Tekufah Tevet and/or Winter Solstice and/or ChriFSMas and/or any other December or winter solstice holidays i missed!

Oh, and Bah Humbug to those who don't celebrate the holidays! :)

HUMOR: A Holidays Greetings Card

WARNING: The link takes you to a definite PG-13 site, if not a R one.

Dear Readers,

OlderMusicGeek has sent you an ecard! Discover your personal message by clicking here.

If the above link doesn't work, please copy and paste the text below into your browser: http://www.adultswim.com/ecards/snowman/message3/
index.html?FromName=OlderMusicGeek&ToName=Readers
Happy Christmas and/or Boxing Day and/or Kwanzaa and/or Hannakah and/or Bodhi Day and/or Sanghamitta Day and/or Shabe Cheleh and/or Makara Sankranti and/or Junkanoo and/or Dong Zhi and/or Toji and/or Soyal and/or Yule and/or Seva Zistane and/or Alban Arthan and/or Long Night and/or Mean Geimrech and/or Brumalia and/or Dies Natalis Solis Invicti and/or Saturnalia and/or Lenaea and/or Wren Day and/or Tekufah Tevet and/or Winter Solstice and/or ChriFSMas and/or any other December or winter solstice holidays i missed!

Oh, and Bah Humbug to those who don't celebrate the holidays! :)

CULTURE/SOCIETY, HUMOR, SPIRITUALITY/RELIGION and (sorta) POLITICS: A Couple of ChriSFMas Photos

A couple of ChriFSMas photos from The Church of The Flying Spaghetti Monster. RAmen. - OlderMusicGeek










A link to The Church of The Flying Spaghetti Monster website

Happy Christmas and/or Boxing Day and/or Kwanzaa and/or Hannakah and/or Bodhi Day and/or Sanghamitta Day and/or Shabe Cheleh and/or Makara Sankranti and/or Junkanoo and/or Dong Zhi and/or Toji and/or Soyal and/or Yule and/or Seva Zistane and/or Alban Arthan and/or Long Night and/or Mean Geimrech and/or Brumalia and/or Dies Natalis Solis Invicti and/or Saturnalia and/or Lenaea and/or Wren Day and/or Tekufah Tevet and/or Winter Solstice and/or ChriFSMas and/or any other December or winter solstice holidays i missed!

Oh, and Bah Humbug to those who don't celebrate the holidays! :)

ENTERTAINMENT: Some Christmas Videos

These are some Christmas videos on YouTube that I found and liked. - OlderMusicGeek







Happy Christmas and/or Boxing Day and/or Kwanzaa and/or Hannakah and/or Bodhi Day and/or Sanghamitta Day and/or Shabe Cheleh and/or Makara Sankranti and/or Junkanoo and/or Dong Zhi and/or Toji and/or Soyal and/or Yule and/or Seva Zistane and/or Alban Arthan and/or Long Night and/or Mean Geimrech and/or Brumalia and/or Dies Natalis Solis Invicti and/or Saturnalia and/or Lenaea and/or Wren Day and/or Tekufah Tevet and/or Winter Solstice and/or ChriFSMas and/or any other December or winter solstice holidays i missed!

Oh, and Bah Humbug to those who don't celebrate the holidays! :)

HUMOR (and POLITICS): “A Happy Wholesome Holiday,” by Reed Martin

This is a poem from one of the boys in The Reduced Shakespeare Company. And any Christmas poem that mention The Batman is a poem worth having on my blog! - OlderMusicGeek

“A Happy Wholesome Holiday,” by Reed Martin

The outlook wasn’t broken for celebration that December,
The family had an accident, two were partially dismembered.
But though the world and several body parts were so divided,
We strove to celebrate the month where wonders coincided.
December 25th the baby Jesus did appear,
In a dank and smelly manger with a little tiny beard.
So we poured our Christmas gravy on our meat with a long ladle,
While the Jews lit their menorahs and their children spun the dreidel.
And many of our friends who are of African descent
Call their Christmas Kwanzaa, but I don’t know what it meant.
It had all to do with virtues and harvest times and herbs,
But I didn’t understand it because I live in the ‘burbs.
And the Native North Americans are nice and sensitive,
They gave up this nice continent for white people to live,
And we gave them reservations where they put up poles of totem,
Which boys are careful climbing so they do not hurt their scrotum.
And the druids in the forest cannot worship as they please
‘Cause extreme environmentalists are hugging all the trees.
In Gotham City, Christmas is protected by the Batman,
And all year round the Buddhists have their own jolly fat man.
All people have a special day this final month has fathered,
Except for those darn atheists who simply can’t be bothered.
Amen.

A link to The Reduced Shakespeare Company website

Happy Christmas and/or Boxing Day and/or Kwanzaa and/or Hannakah and/or Bodhi Day and/or Sanghamitta Day and/or Shabe Cheleh and/or Makara Sankranti and/or Junkanoo and/or Dong Zhi and/or Toji and/or Soyal and/or Yule and/or Seva Zistane and/or Alban Arthan and/or Long Night and/or Mean Geimrech and/or Brumalia and/or Dies Natalis Solis Invicti and/or Saturnalia and/or Lenaea and/or Wren Day and/or Tekufah Tevet and/or Winter Solstice and/or ChriFSMas and/or any other December or winter solstice holidays i missed!

Oh, and Bah Humbug to those who don't celebrate the holidays! :)

HUMOR, SPIRITUALITY/RELIGION and (a little bit of) POLITICS: ChriSFMas Greetings

Here's a couple of ChriFSMas greeting cards from the Pastafarians. RAmen.

Shoot a holiday I forgot to add to this list! :) - OlderMusicGeek






Link to website for The Church of The Flying Spaghetti Monster

Happy Christmas and/or Boxing Day and/or Kwanzaa and/or Hannakah and/or Bodhi Day and/or Sanghamitta Day and/or Shabe Cheleh and/or Makara Sankranti and/or Junkanoo and/or Dong Zhi and/or Toji and/or Soyal and/or Yule and/or Seva Zistane and/or Alban Arthan and/or Long Night and/or Mean Geimrech and/or Brumalia and/or Dies Natalis Solis Invicti and/or Saturnalia and/or Lenaea and/or Wren Day and/or Tekufah Tevet and/or Winter Solstice and/or ChriFSMas and/or any other December or winter solstice holidays i missed!

Oh, and Bah Humbug to those who don't celebrate the holidays! :)

SPIRITUALITY/RELIGION and POLITICS: Why Can't I Own a Canadian?

I found this piece using the program from stumbleupon.com. This piece is from Humanist of Utah website. - OlderMusicGeek

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted fan,
Jim

A link to the original piece

HUMOR: A Rough Night after Drinking

This was sent to me by Ernest T Spoon. - OlderMusicGeek

Nick the bartender says, "You'll not be drinking anymore tonight, Pat."

Pat replies, "OK Nick, I'll be on my way then."

Pat spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face.

Cursing, he pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off.

He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face.

Cursing, he looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine. He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame.

He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the pavement and falls flat on his face.

"I am so drunk," he says.

He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door, hauls himself up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside.

He takes a look up the stairs and says "No way!" He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says "I can make it to the bed." He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face.

Cursing, he falls into bed.

The next morning, his wife, Jes, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, "Get up Pat. Did you have a bit to drink last night?"

Pat says, "I did, Jes. I was so drunk. But how'd you know?"

"Nick phoned. You left your wheelchair at the bar."

CULTURE/SOCIETY: Painted Bathroom Floor

This is an ancient email sent to me by The Sassy Witch. - OlderMusicGeek


*IMAGINE YOU ARE AT A PARTY on the tenth floor....*

*YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING......(not that you would...)*

*AND THEN YOU HAVE TO VISIT THE BATHROOM.... *

*You open the door.... **

HUMOR: It Took All Weekend, but I Put My Tree Up

This is a holiday email Ernest T Spoon sent me. - OlderMusicGeek


It took all weekend, but I finally put my tree up.




Happy Christmas and/or Boxing Day and/or Kwanzaa and/or Hannakah and/or Bodhi Day and/or Sanghamitta Day and/or Shabe Cheleh and/or Makara Sankranti and/or Junkanoo and/or Dong Zhi and/or Toji and/or Soyal and/or Yule and/or Seva Zistane and/or Alban Arthan and/or Long Night and/or Mean Geimrech and/or Brumalia and/or Dies Natalis Solis Invicti and/or Saturnalia and/or Lenaea and/or Wren Day and/or Tekufah Tevet and/or Winter Solstice and/or any other December or winter solstice holidays i missed!

Oh, and Bah Humbug to those who don't celebrate the holidays! :)

CULTURE SOCIETY (and sorta SPIRITUALITY/RELIGION): Happy Holidays vs. Merry Christmas

This is OlderMusicGeek here, not a reprinted article. :)

"Every time a person says Happy Holidays, an angel get AIDS!" - Jon Stewart? - Not sure if he said it first :) -

Well, since some of in such a tizzy about people saying "Happy Holidays", I am providing this December greeting as a public service....

Happy Christmas and/or Boxing Day and/or Kwanzaa and/or Hannakah and/or Bodhi Day and/or Sanghamitta Day and/or Shabe Cheleh and/or Makara Sankranti and/or Junkanoo and/or Dong Zhi and/or Toji and/or Soyal and/or Yule and/or Seva Zistane and/or Alban Arthan and/or Long Night and/or Mean Geimrech and/or Brumalia and/or Dies Natalis Solis Invicti and/or Saturnalia and/or Lenaea and/or Wren Day and/or Tekufah Tevet and/or Winter Solstice and/or any other December or winter solstice holidays i missed!

Oh, and Bah Humbug to those who don't celebrate the holidays! :)

But I'm sorry! Am I understanding wrong?! Are we suppose just shove a holiday that some people don't celebrate down their throat?

CULTURE/SOCIETY: A Christmas Questionnaire

My mother sent me this questionnaire. So I thought I'd throw on here. :) - OlderMusicGeek

Welcome to the Christmas edition of getting to know your friends. Okay, here's what you're supposed to do, and try not to be a SCROOGE ! ! !

Just copy (not forward) this entire email and paste into a new email that you can send. Change all the answers so that they apply to you. then send this to a whole bunch of people you know, INCLUDING the person that sent it to you . . .

'Tis the Season to be NICE !

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Usually wrapping paper.
2. Real tree or artificial? Artificial.
3. When do you put up the tree? We used to put it up the Friday after Thanksgiving, but my daughter and I seem to be getting lazier as we get older.
4. When do you take the tree down? Jan 2
5. Do you like eggnog? Never cared for the taste - but I love hot cider!
6. Favorite gift received as a child? Can't remember off the top of my head, but I did enjoy my hot wheels.
7. Do you have a nativity scene? Yeah, my mom gave me one this year!
8. Hardest person to buy for? Any teenager!
9. Easiest person to buy for? My daughter - I swear, she starts suggesting things the day after her birthday.
10. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? Can't think of it off the top of my head. But I know clothes were never a favorite when I was young, especially sweaters!
11. Mail or email Christmas cards? Definitely mail, but I've been awful about sending any in recent years!
12. Favorite Christmas movie? Definitely It's a Wonderful Life. But my daughter and I are big fans of the Christmas special, Olive, the Other Reindeer!
13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? Some time in December. Usually one of the weekends that I don't have my daughter.
14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Never!
15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Turkey!
16. Clear lights or colored on the tree? Colored
17. Favorite Christmas song? Probably "White Christmas" by Bing, but I do like my Christmas punk rock songs!
18. Travel for Christmas or stay home? "There's no place like home for the holidays....."
19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer? I could probably name 6 or 7 and then I would rack my brains trying to remember the last two!
20. Angel on the treetop or a star? Star.
21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? I allow Jill to open ONE on Christmas Eve!
22. Most annoying thing about this time of year? Snow and rude jerks!
23. What I love most about Christmas? Most people - when they arent shopping! - are nice and friendly.

And finally...
Happy Christmas and/or Boxing Day and/or Kwanzaa and/or Hannakah and/or Bodhi Day and/or Sanghamitta Day and/or Shabe Cheleh and/or Makara Sankranti and/or Junkanoo and/or Dong Zhi and/or Toji and/or Soyal and/or Yule and/or Seva Zistane and/or Alban Arthan and/or Long Night and/or Mean Geimrech and/or Brumalia and/or Dies Natalis Solis Invicti and/or Saturnalia and/or Lenaea and/or Wren Day and/or Tekufah Tevet and/or Winter Solstice and/or any other December or winter solstice holidays i missed!

Oh, and Bah Humbug to those who don't celebrate the holidays! :)