HUMOR: My New Name is Gadget Girdlebutt

I got this many moons ago from a co-worker and have been meaning to put it up here, but just never got around to it. Now, I'm cleaning out my emails and decided it was time to do so. It provided much amusement for our workplace for a couple a days. Hope it does the same for you.

This only takes a minute. Please don't be a bore and ruin it. Sometimes when you have a stressful day or week, you need some silliness to break up the day. And, if we are honest, we have a lot more stressful days than not. Here is your dose of humor. Follow the instructions to find your new name. Once you have your new name, put it in the Subject box and forward it to friends and family and co-workers. And don't go all adult - my friend in Utah is a senior manager, and is now known far and wide as Dorky Gizzardsniffer.

The following in an excerpt from a children's book, "Captain Underpants And the Perilous Plot of Professor Poopypants" by Dave Pilkey. The evil Professor forces everyone to assume new names......

Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first name:
a = poopsie
b = lumpy
c = buttercup
d = gadget
e = crusty
f = greasy
g = fluffy
h = cheeseball
i = chim-chim
j = stinky
k = flunky
l = boobie
m = pinky
n = zippy
o = goober
p = doofus
q = slimy
r = loopy
s = snotty
t = tootie
u = dorkey
v = squeezit
w = oprah
x = skipper
y = dinky
z = zsa-zsa

Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:
a = apple
b = toilet
c = giggle
d = burger
e = girdle
f = barf
g = lizard
h = waffle
i = cootie
j = monkey
k = potty
l = liver
m = banana
n = rhino
o = bubble
p = hamster
q = toad
r = gizzard
s = pizza
t = gerbil
u = chicken
v = pickle
w = chuckle
x = tofu
y = gorilla
z = stinker

Use the fourth letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:
a = head
b = mouth
c = face
d = nose
e = tush
f = breath
g = pants
h = shorts
i = lips
j = honker
k = butt
l = brain
m = tushie
n = chunks
o = hiney
p = biscuits
q = toes
r = buns
s = fanny
t = sniffer
u = sprinkles
v = kisser
w = squirt
x = humperdinck
y = brains
z = juice

Thus, for example, George W. Bush's new name is: Goober Chickenshorts.

Now if you send this on, use your new name as the subject. And remember that children laugh an average of 146 times a day; adults laugh an average of 4 times a day. Put more laughter in your day.

ENTERTAINMENT and CULTURE/SOCIETY: Johnny, Say It Isn't So: The Times, They Have Been A-Changin'

I found this on the website of the band, Chumbawamba - www.chumba.com. Even though the clip is 18 years old, I still found it interesting and intriguing. Of course, it should be noted that Chumbawamba might be found slightly radical by some - they are the band that said on national television that they didn't care if you shoplifted their cd. At least, now I don't have to feel guilty about burning a copy of their cd from the library.

"Johnny Rotten (of the punk band, The Sex Pistols) - the man who once screamed about Anarchy in the UK - has booted squatters out of his luxury West London Flat. John ... was furious when squatters moved in at the same time his flat went on the market. Says a spokesman; 'Yes they were punks, but they're not there any longer. I am not sure how John got rid of them. John may have been a punk himself, but he's an upstanding citizen now. I am sure he never had to squat anywhere." News cutting in Raising Hell Fanzine, 1987.


You know though, I already knew of Mr John "Johnny Rotten" Lydon's conservative tendencies before I saw the Chumbawamba piece. If you hadn't seen it, John had a short-lived tv show on VH-1 called, of all things, Rotten Television. And if you hadn't seen it, you missed out.

There were only three episodes that I know of. The first consisted of a variety of stuff. One segment was him getting kicked off Roseanne Barr's short-lived talk show.

Another scene had him buy a bunch of stuff from a rock auction. If I remember right, we had a signed Beatles album, a signed t-shirt of some band, a guitar I believe was from Hendrick (but I could be wrong) and a note from his Sex Pistols bandmate, Sid Vicious. He put the t-shirt on a scarecrow thing, leaned the album and guitar on it and shoved the note in the mouth.

And this was all filmed on a camera that was obviously on a tripod with no one behind it. Then John steps away and blows the whole thing up! Then he walks up to the camera and sticks his face in it and says something along the lines of (all in his thick working class British accent) "None of this is important, just the music they left behind."

He also had one where he went to a film festival, because it was showing "The Filth and The Fury", a film of Sex Pistol concert footage. In it, he drags Dean Cain from the Lois and Clark tv show around and hassles all the stars, much to Dean's amusement and embarrassment.


But getting back to John's conservative tendencies, which started this whole thing off. John had a Rotten Television episode where he went to the party conventions. And he talked to a bunch of politicians, and the two he seem to admire the most were Jesse Ventura and, of all people, Newt Gengrich. Needless to say, John definitely has a more conservative bent these days.

CULTURE/SOCIETY, ENTERTAINMENT and SCIENCE: Follow-Up on the Time Travelers Convention

Time Travelers Welcome at MIT
By Mark Baard

CAMBRIDGE, Massachusetts -- The convention, which drew more than 400 people from our present time period, was held at MIT's storied East Campus dormitory. It featured an MIT rock band, called the Hong Kong Regulars, and hilarious lectures by MIT physics professors. The profs were treated like pop stars by attendees fascinated by the possibility of traveling back in time.

East Campus housemaster Julian Wheatley, also a senior lecturer in Chinese at MIT, wore a name tag suggesting he had come back from 2121 to attend the convention.

"East Campus is known for taking a certain kind of zany approach to science," Wheatley said.

Centrally located on the MIT campus, the East Campus dormitory houses students with a reputation for turning out offbeat inventions, such as a person-sized hamster wheel and a roller coaster built from two-by-fours.

The East Campus dorm's peculiar reputation and the Time Traveler Convention's far out theme may explain why so many people made the effort to travel in driving rain to a two-hour event.

MIT's Dorai gave interviews ahead of time to major media outlets to ensure that no one in the future missed his invitation: to share chips and soda with people sporting tweed jackets and canes, and those dressed-up as their favorite science fiction and fantasy characters.

But when attendees gathered outside for a raucous countdown at 10 p.m. Eastern Standard Time, nothing appeared on the makeshift landing pad at the coordinates Dorai set for the time travelers.

Fog from an aqueous smoke machine rolled across the empty landing area, which lay at one end of a sand volleyball court in the East Campus courtyard. One person in the crowd shouted, "Happy New Year," while another suggested the time travelers may have mistakenly set their watches for Central Standard Time.

A group of students then raided a plate of treats set out for the time travelers, while others snapped pictures of the scene with their cell phones and digital cameras.

Shauna Anthony and Sara Moore, the New School University graduate students, also fretted over what might happen if they got what they came for: a visit from their future selves.

"What if the future Shauna came back with just one leg?" asked Moore. "We'd spend the rest of our lives worrying about how and when that would happen."

LINK TO COMPLETE ARTICLE
OFFICIAL TIME TRAVELERS CONVENTION WEBSITE

CULTURE/SOCIETY and ENTERTAINMENT: An Apology for People Who Wait in Line for Star Wars

I have had more than one person ask me if I was skipping work on each of the days the last three Star Wars movies have come out. It's always half-jokingly, which of course means it was also half-serious.

And I have to admit, there's a part of me that would love to do that - hanging out with people with similar interests who are as interested - if not more interested - in the same things as you. It's an incredible bonding experience like those who wait in line for a concert - or, I would imagine, a sporting event (but being a nerd, I wouldn't know about sporting event from first hand experience). (But I am The OlderMUSICGeek, so I do know something of the wait for a concert ticket.)

Of course, I know, many will say a movie is not like a concert or sporting event. These are one time only events, each performance and game is different each time. That's why Deadheads followed that band everywhere. And some will follow their team everywhere too. And I can't argue this point.

But the whole point of waiting in line for the movie isn't exactly the same as a concert or sporting event. Part of it is the pride of being the first. Let's face it, the kind of people, who are willing to wait in long lines - a whole day or more - for Star Wars movies, are not the kind of people who expect to do well in too many aspects of life. This is their chance of glory. Not exactly a happy thought, but a honest one.

On the other hand, there is something about going to a movie with people who love it as much as you. We've all gone to a movie that you really are excited about, but your fellow moviegoers are not. It is definitely different than going to a movie that all of you are excited about. Well, you won't find such a clear consensus on a film as you will in a Star Wars line!

Before I finish I must say - it's one thing to wait in line for a movie in your teens or even your twenties. It's quite another to do it in your thirties or forties! I mean, seriously, don't these people have a life. I mean if that's the only way you can make friends or pick up a member of the opposite sex, you need to get out more! It is after all - (blasphemy, blasphemy!) - only a movie! You should have more important and better things to do by the time you reach 30.

Heck, I'd only wait in a line like that to go see The Violent Femmes or Flogging Molly, maybe NOFX.

And I'll leave things at that. May the Force be with you!

And while you're at, live long and prosper.

CULTURE/SOCIETY: Women Outnumber Men Among College Graduates

FROM TIME MAGAZINE:
The Male Minority
As men slip to 44 percent of undergrads, some colleges actively recruit them
By DAREN FONDA

Posted Saturday, Dec. 02, 2000

When Meg Delong was in high school in the northern Georgia town of Gainesville, she was a serious student with her eye on college. Many of her girlfriends worked toward the same goal. But her younger brother and most of her male friends seemed more inclined to act like Falstaff than to study Shakespeare. "A lot of guys thought studying was for girls," says DeLong, now a junior French major at the University of Georgia in Athens. "They were really intelligent, but they would goof off, and it seemed to be accepted by the teachers."

Take DeLong's experience, multiply it a few thousand times in schools across the state, and it isn't surprising that at her campus this year, the freshman class is nearly 61% female. In a freshman English tutorial, small clusters of men sit quietly as women dominate class discussions. But outside class, the mood on campus is distinctly male friendly. Tyler Willingham, social chair of the Sigma Nu fraternity, observes that at parties, even guys without dates can choose from "many beautiful women."

This sort of gender gap is glaring and growing at campuses across America. Until 1979, men made up the majority of college students. As women won increasing equality elsewhere in society, it was natural and expected that they would reach parity in college, which they did by the early 1980s. But the surprise has been that men's enrollment in higher education has declined since 1992. Males now make up just 44% of undergraduate students nationwide. And federal projections show their share shrinking to as little as 42% by 2010. This trend is among the hottest topics of debate among college-admissions officers. And some private liberal arts colleges have quietly begun special efforts to recruit men — including admissions preferences for them.

LINK TO THE WHOLE STORY
link to a npr story on the same topic

CULTURE/SOCIETY: This I Believe - Be Cool to the Pizza Dude

THIS I BELIVE: Be Cool to the Pizza Dude
By Sarah Adams

If I have one operating philosophy about life it is this: "Be cool to the pizza delivery dude; it's good luck." Four principles guide the pizza dude philosophy.

Principle 1: Coolness to the pizza delivery dude is a practice in humility and forgiveness. I let him cut me off in traffic, let him safely hit the exit ramp from the left lane, let him forget to use his blinker without extending any of my digits out the window or towards my horn because there should be one moment in my harried life when a car may encroach or cut off or pass and I let it go. Sometimes when I have become so certain of my ownership of my lane, daring anyone to challenge me, the pizza dude speeds by me in his rusted Chevette. His pizza light atop his car glowing like a beacon reminds me to check myself as I flow through the world. After all, the dude is delivering pizza to young and old, families and singletons, gays and straights, blacks, whites and browns, rich and poor, vegetarians and meat lovers alike. As he journeys, I give safe passage, practice restraint, show courtesy, and contain my anger.

Principle 2: Coolness to the pizza delivery dude is a practice in empathy. Let's face it: We've all taken jobs just to have a job because some money is better than none. I've held an assortment of these jobs and was grateful for the paycheck that meant I didn't have to share my Cheerios with my cats. In the big pizza wheel of life, sometimes you're the hot bubbly cheese and sometimes you're the burnt crust. It's good to remember the fickle spinning of that wheel.

Principle 3: Coolness to the pizza delivery dude is a practice in honor and it reminds me to honor honest work. Let me tell you something about these dudes: They never took over a company and, as CEO, artificially inflated the value of the stock and cashed out their own shares, bringing the company to the brink of bankruptcy, resulting in 20,000 people losing their jobs while the CEO builds a home the size of a luxury hotel. Rather, the dudes sleep the sleep of the just.

Principle 4: Coolness to the pizza delivery dude is a practice in equality. My measurement as a human being, my worth, is the pride I take in performing my job -- any job -- and the respect with which I treat others. I am the equal of the world not because of the car I drive, the size of the TV I own, the weight I can bench press, or the calculus equations I can solve. I am the equal to all I meet because of the kindness in my heart. And it all starts here -- with the pizza delivery dude.

Tip him well, friends and brethren, for that which you bestow freely and willingly will bring you all the happy luck that a grateful universe knows how to return.

LINK TO WEB PAGE

CULTURE/SOCIETY and SPIRITUALITY/RELIGION: This I Believe: A Doubting, Questioning Mind

A Doubting, Questioning Mind
by Elizabeth Deutsch

At the age of sixteen, many of my friends have already chosen a religion to follow (usually that of their parents), and are bound to it by many ties. I am still "freelancing" in religion, searching for beliefs to guide me when I am an adult. I fear I shall always be searching, never attaining ultimate satisfaction, for I possess that blessing and curse -- a doubting, questioning mind.

At present, my doubting spirit has found comfort in certain ideas, gleaned from books and experience, to from a personal philosophy. I find that this philosophy, a code consisting of a few phrases, supplements, but does not replace, religion.

The one rule that could serve anyone in almost any situation is, "To see what must be done and not to do it, is a crime." Urged on by this, I volunteer for distasteful tasks or pick up scrap paper from the floor. I am no longer able to ignore duty without feeling guilty. This is "The still, small voice," to be sure, but sharpened by my own discernment of duty.

"The difficult we do at once, the impossible takes a little longer." This is the motto of a potential scientist, already struggling to unravel the mysteries of life. It rings with the optimism youth needs in order to stand up against trouble or failure.

Jonathan Edwards, a Puritan minister, resolved never to do anything out of revenge. I am a modern, a member of a church far removed from Puritanism, yet I have accepted this resolution. Since revenge and retaliation seem to have been accepted by nations today, I sometimes have difficulty reconciling my moral convictions with the tangled world being handed down to us by the adults. Apparently what I must do to make life more endurable is to follow my principles, with the hope that enough of this feeling will rub off on my associates to being a chain reaction.

To a thinking person, such resolutions are very valuable; nevertheless, they often leave a vacuum in the soul. Churches are trying to fill this vacuum, each by its own method. During this year, I have visited churches ranging from orthodoxy to extreme liberalism. In my search for a personal faith, I consider it my duty to expose myself to all forms of religion. Each church has left something within me - either a new concept of God and man, or an understanding and respect for those of other beliefs. I have found such experiences with other religions the best means for freeing myself from prejudices.

Through my visits, the reasoning of fundamentalists has become clearer to me, but I am still unable to accept it. I have a simple faith in the Deity and a hope that my attempts to live a decent life are pleasing to Him. If I were to discover that there is no afterlife, my motive for moral living would not be destroyed. I have enough of the philosopher in me to love righteousness for its own sake.

This is my youthful philosophy, a simple, liberal and optimistic feeling, though I fear I shall lose some of it as I become more adult. Already, the thought that the traditional thinkers might be right, after all, and I wrong, has made me waver. Still, these are my beliefs at sixteen. If I am mistaken, I am too young to realize my error. Sometimes, in a moment of mental despair, I think of the words, "God loves an honest doubter," and I am comforted.

This I Believe

CULTURE/SOCIETY: The Great Letter Debate

This is copied from a web site I highly recommend - Random Lists of Things. I find it quite entertaining, very interesting, and sometimes very humorous. I love the way B can boil so many aspects of life to a list.

One person wrote this about B's blog: Your blog is like if David Letterman and Jon Stewart had a baby, dropped it on its head, and then let it be raised by 20 ADHD-addled agency people.

7 overrated letters.
1. I
2. X
3. Z
4. C
5. love
6. fan
7. sometimes mr. y

OlderMusicGeek said...
"Love" and "fan" are great inclusions, but why "c"? Not that I have a great love for it. Actually, I like ones like x and j, that are kinda funky.

B said...
I think that "K" or "S" can do the work of "C". Now that I think about it, "Z" and "X" can't be on the same list. Therefore, I say only "X" is overrated.

OlderMusicGeek said...
But there's just something cool and wild about the letter. It's more than just k and s combined. Extreme sports and x-rated movies wouldn't be the same!

B said...
Okay I said C was over rated because S and K can do its work.
X is over rated because so many other letters can do its work:
For example SEKS, I just spelled sex without an X. Z can't be overrated because it's the last letter of the alphabet.
Good Lord, I can't believe I'm having this debate and not writing the two papers that are due in a few hours.

OlderMusicGeek said...
Yeah, but "seks" suks. It doesn't even look erotic. X is cool! Face it. Join the X-Men!

20 "whitest" names given to girls born in California in the 1990s.
7. Katelyn
13. Katherine
14. Caitlin
15. Kaitlin
18. Kaitlyn
20. Kathryn
Source: Slate Magazine

I don't think spelling should really matter unless the parent spells it a really wacky spelling. For example Catherine and Katherine and Katheryn should all count as one. However, K'aathryine is a completely different story (and chances are that this kid is black. We blacks get all crazy with the alphabet/apostrophes . White people on the other hand, are fond of making turning Cs into Ks [and vice versa], Ys into Is [vice versa]...).

20 "blackest" names given to boys born in California in the 1990s.
17. Xavier

OlderMusicGeek said...
Please note which letter name #17 starts with.

B said...
Yeah, but it can be spelled Ekzavier. And remember when I said black people love the crazy spellings of names.

OlderMusicGeek said...
Yeah, but they spell it with a X, because Ekzavier looks East European.

14 signs of a good night on the town.
14. You don't have to come up with a good excuse for asking your parents to contact the US Embassy in country X, to help you get back home.

OlderMusicGeek said...
Wait! Which country was that?

B said...
No country. I just hear urban legends of students abroad getting busted and sent to jail. What was the name of that caning dude from a few years ago?

OlderMusicGeek said...
Face it! It was country X!!!! Yes, YOU used country X!

...and the debate goes on!

A link to the website, Random Lists of Things

CULTURE/SOCIETYand ENTERTAINMENT: What Lengths Sci-fi Geeks Will Go To

Want to know what crazy stuff sci-fi geeks will do when left to their own devices - check out MIT Student Holds Time-Travel Convention

HUMOR and CULTURE/SOCIETY: Prison v. Work

Got this from my friend, Ernest T Spoon. I've already emailed this to most of my friends and family, but here it is for those of you who didn't catch it.

PRISON V. WORK

Just in case you ever get these two environments mixed up, this should make things a little bit clearer.

IN PRISON..........you spend the majority of your time in an 10X10 cell.
AT WORK............you spend the majority of your time in an 8X8 cubicle.

IN PRISON.........you get three meals a day.
AT WORK...........you get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.

IN PRISON..........you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK............you get more work for good behavior.

IN PRISON..........the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK............you must often carry a security card and open all the doors for yourself.

IN PRISON..........you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK...........you could get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON.........you get your own toilet.
AT WORK..........you have to share the toilet with some people who pee on the seat.

IN PRISON..........they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK............you aren't even supposed to speak to your family.

IN PRISON.........all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK............you get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON..........you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
AT WORK ...........you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON .........you must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK...........they are called managers.