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Sunday, October 19, 2014

HUMOR - Crooks who bit off more than they could chew!

  • A man attempted to mug a 77-year-old Air Force veteran, who beat his attacker off with a Pepsi bottle after being shot in the balls. Apparently he's okay except for a slight limp.
  • In 2008, two men with machetes tried to rob a club in Australia. Inside were fifty members of a motorcycle club, who promptly grabbed the bar stools, chased down the thieves and hogtied one of them.
  • In 2010, three men in South Africa, armed with a firearm and and knife, attempted to rob some schoolchildren. The schoolchildren responded by stoning one of the assailants to death.
  • The outlaw Jesse James came to grief when he and his gang tried to rob a bank in Northfield, Minnesota in 1876. Unfortunately for Jesse, he had forgotten that he was no longer in his usual hunting grounds of eastern Kansas and western Missouri... and the locals not only did not include any sympathizers of his, but had their life savings in the bank he was targeting and no sense of humor about losing those savings. Oops... Save for James himself and his brother Frank, the entire gang was killed or arrested during either the robbery or the ensuing manhunt, effectively ending his crime spree. He himself was killed by a member of his own gang six years later to collect the bounty on his head.
  • An April 2011 incident in Britain had 3 burglars in for a shock when they broke into a house only to find out it belonged to a soldier who, completely naked, gave chase to one who tried to make off with his car, complete with breaking open the driver's window with his bare hands!
  • Two teenage thieves broke into a van parked in a council estate in Manchester, only to find that inside there were four SAS men on a night-time counter-terrorism training exercise. 
  • An example out of Ferdinand von Schirach's Verbrechen (a book of cases he precided over as a lawyer). Some skinheads decide that a wimpy looking man in a neat suit would be a nice diversion. They ended up dead. It was hinted later, that the guy in the suit was a contract killer on his way home. He had no papers on him, no mark that could identify him - he didn't speak a single word. They had to let him go because they had no evidence and the thing they had on him was clearly self-defense - there were several witnesses to clear him.
  • One such incident has become fondly-recalled lore in the Society For Creative Anachronism: After a Society event in New York City, a lady who uses the name "Sir Trude Lacklandia" was walking home late at night and assaulted by several muggers. When she refused to hand over her cash, one tried to stab her with a six-inch knife - only to have the blade turned by the chainmail she was wearing under her woolen cloak. She then drew her (very real) sword, said "I'll see your six, and raise you thirty-five!" before chasing the muggers off. A bard in the SCA afterwards wrote a humorous song about it, which has become quite popular.
  • A middle-aged, five-foot-seven Asian man was accosted by two armed, six-footer African-American muggers in late 2011. One mugger was admitted to a hospital with cracked vertebrae and the other had his arm broken in several places. The uninjured Asian man waited for police to arrive while eating takeaway yakisoba on the curb next to the muggers' unconscious bodies. The Asian man was later identified as a fourth-dan Aikidoka.
  • In 1999, a thief stole the wallet of who he thought was a tourist in Seville Airport and ran. That "tourist" was Maurice Greene, World Champion sprinter who set the world record for the hundred-meter dash. The thief didn't get very far.
  • In 1971, legendary boxer Jack Dempsey was taking a cab home with his wife, and was accosted by a mugger. Apparently, the mugger never knew what hit him. Dempsey was 78 at the time.
  • This video linked on Badass Adorable is security footage capturing a man attempting to abduct a little girl in an elevator. He really had no clue what was going to happen next.
  • In 2010, a group of forty train robbers stormed a train in West Bengal and started taking valuables from the passengers. One of the robbers then decided to rape one of the women on the train. It turned out that one of the train's passengers was Bishnu Shrestha, a corporal in the 8th Gurkha Infantry. And Bishnu objected, sternly, resulting in him killing several of the robbers by himself with just his kukri and sending the rest fleeing for their lives.
  • To read more - http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/MuggingTheMonster/RealLife

Saturday, September 27, 2014

HUMOR - Hell Now A Thriving Epicenter Of Gay Culture

THE MALEBOLGE, NETHER REGIONS OF DARKNESS—Noting the incredible rate at which the community has grown, sources confirmed Thursday that Hell, the Endless Kingdom of Misery, is now a booming haven of gay culture...

“I’ve only been here for a few months, but I’ve already fallen in love with it,” said 49-year-old Daniel Edelson, adding that he has already befriended hundreds of fellow gay men and women in the accursed underworld, all of whom have welcomed him with open arms. “The streets of fire and brimstone are full of so many great cafés, restaurants, bakeries, independent bookstores, and of course plenty of gay bars and clubs. There’s just so much to do.”

“My favorite place is this wonderful little promenade along the River Styx, where couples always take walks together on the weekends,” continued Edelson. “I’d say this is easily the most LGBT-friendly place I’ve ever lived.”...

Hell has been widely celebrated by gay rights leaders for its far-reaching acceptance of alternative lifestyles, and residents told reporters it is incredibly common to see a rainbow flag hanging over various shop awnings, in car windows, or atop thrones of blood-soaked bones and rotting flesh. Additionally, the Inferno’s Gay Pride Parade, held every July in the Second Circle, is noted for its extravagance and high attendance rate...

“The gay community has really flourished here, and I have to say, they’ve been great for the place,” said Nephirem the Malevolent, a 10,000-year-old, 70-foot-tall minotaur who has resided in hell since rising from the ashes of a smokeless flame. “At the end of the day, they’re just like anyone else. Everyone has the right to express their love for whomever they want. They don’t bother me in the slightest, and if anything, we in the Dark Lord’s Army encourage any and all public displays of affection between same-sex couples.”

HUMOR - Life Can Be Awesome

Sunday, September 21, 2014

MY LIFE - I raised my daughter well...of vampires, priests.and popes!

ENTERTAINMENT - The Safety Dance


The Ramones’ 40th anniversary celebration just happened at Bowery Electric last weekend, and the last living original member of the band died, aged 65, just a couple of months short of being able to attend. Punk rock is OLD, and yet, through generations, it persists. As ways for a kid to rebel go, punk has been extraordinarily durable and flexible. Its most basic and superficial tropes were long ago rendered cartoonish or outright mainstreamed, but the defiant outlook they express is eternal.

The very idea of punk as a staid cultural institution, let alone toddler-book fodder, might be met with wounded howls of opposition from some circles—as it should be—but again, 40 years. There are OG punks who are grandparents now. I have an 11-year-old Godson who spent his infancy decked out in Ramones and DK’s onesies. So as weird and implausible as a children’s book frankly explaining punk may sound at first blush, one could make a case that by now, it’s pretty well overdue. What Every Child Needs To Know About Punk Rock was released about a week before the Ramones’ 40th anniversary show, and it’s actually kind of awesome. I’ll let these spreads speak for themselves.

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