CULTURE/SOCIETY: A Bunch of Christmas Quizzes

Here's a few Christmas quizzes that my daughter and I took. - OlderMusicGeek

OLDERMUSICGEEK -

You Are Dasher

You're an independent minded reindeer who never plays by the rules. Why You're Naughty: That little coup you tried to stage against Santa last year Why You're Nice: You secretly give naughty children presents.

Which of Santa's Reindeer Are You?

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MY DAUGHTER -

You Are Comet

A total daredevil, you're the reindeer with an edge! Why You're Naughty: You almost gave Santa a heart attack when you took him sky diving Why You're Nice: You always make sure the sleigh is going warp speed

Which of Santa's Reindeer Are You?

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OLDERMUSICGEEK -

What The Holidays Mean to You

For you, the holidays are about celebration. You enjoy all the fun and fellowship that the holidays bring. You celebrate the holidays in an over the top style. If something is cute, you'll buy it. People end up with a lot of gifts from you - and your house is like a holiday wonderland, full of decorations. During the holidays, you feel magical. You love all of the decorations and how happy people are. You like to sit back and take it all in. You think the holidays should be comforting and relaxing. You don't like the holiday rush... you just like the simple pleasure of the holidays. Your best holiday memories are of childhood foods and traditions. You secretly still wish you believed in Santa Claus.

What Do the Holidays Mean to You?

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MY DAUGHTER -

What The Holidays Mean to You

For you, the holidays are about generosity. You give as much as you possibly can to friends, family, and charity. (My daughter said, "What?!", when she heard this first part! But she said the rest describes her!) You celebrate the holidays in a offbeat style. You believe the holidays are for doing whatever you feel like - and some of your "traditions" are pretty wacky. During the holidays, you feel like having fun. Tradition is not important to you... having a blast with your friends is. You think the holidays should be comforting and relaxing. You don't like the holiday rush... you just like the simple pleasure of the holidays. Your best holiday memories are of childhood foods and traditions. You secretly still wish you believed in Santa Claus.

What Do the Holidays Mean to You?

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OLDERMUSICGEEK -

You Are Ugly Underwear!

Comfortable and soft, more people like you than let on. But it's very difficult for you to show yourself in public.

What Crappy Christmas Gift Are You?

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MY DAUGHTER -

You Are a Losing Lottery Ticket!

Full of hope and promise. But in the end, a cheap letdown.

What Crappy Christmas Gift Are You?

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OLDERMUSICGEEK -

Your Christmas is Most Like: A Very Brady Christmas

For you, it's all about sharing times with family. Even if you all get a bit cheesy at times.

What Movie Is Your Christmas Most Like?

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MY DAUGHTER -

Your Christmas is Most Like: A Charlie Brown Christmas

Each year, you really get into the spirit of Christmas. Which is much more important to you than nifty presents.

What Movie Is Your Christmas Most Like?

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OLDERMUSICGEEK -

Your Holiday Personality is Fun

You're all about the celebrating. Whether you're partying hard or singing along to Christmas music, you're totally enjoying the holidays. Make your own Christmas ornaments. Create a holiday mix for all your friends' stockings. Run around your neighborhood late Christmas Eve ringing bells.

How Should You Spend the Holidays?

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OLDERMUSICGEEK AND HIS DAUGHTER -

Your Holiday Stress Level is Moderate

The holidays sometimes stress you out, but mostly because they wear you down. Take it easy! You can have a fun holiday without running yourself ragged.

What's Your Holiday Stress Level?

Happy Christmas and/or Boxing Day and/or Kwanzaa and/or Hannakah and/or Bodhi Day and/or Sanghamitta Day and/or Shabe Cheleh and/or Makara Sankranti and/or Junkanoo and/or Dong Zhi and/or Toji and/or Soyal and/or Yule and/or Seva Zistane and/or Alban Arthan and/or Long Night and/or Mean Geimrech and/or Brumalia and/or Dies Natalis Solis Invicti and/or Saturnalia and/or Lenaea and/or Wren Day and/or Tekufah Tevet and/or Winter Solstice and/or any other December or winter solstice holidays i missed!

Oh, and Bah Humbug to those who don't celebrate the holidays! :)

HUMOR: Humor for Lexophiles

I'm sucker for a good pun - or even bad ones! So I pass these along that Ernest T Spoon sent me. :) - OlderMusicGeek

- I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
- Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
- Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
- The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
- The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
- To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
- When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
- The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
- A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
- A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
- Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
- We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
- When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
- The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.
- The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
- The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
- If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
- A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
- A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
- A will is a dead giveaway.
- Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
- A backward poet writes inverse.
- In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
- A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
- If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
- With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
- Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
- When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
- The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
- A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
- You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
- Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.
- He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
- A calendar's days are numbered.
- A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.
- A boiled egg is hard to beat.
- He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
- A plateau is a high form of flattery.
- Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
- When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
- If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
- When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
- Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
- Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
- Acupuncture: a jab well done.

CULTURE/SOCIETY: Are You Smarter than a Pre-Schooler?

Well, I couldn't find any evidence on the 'net about whether this did this test on pre-schoolers or not. But I'll print this email from my mother anyway. :) - OlderMusicGeek

Subject: Fw: Are you smarter than a pre-schooler?

PRE-SCHOOL TEST FOR YOU

Which way is the bus below traveling?
To the left or to the right?
Can't make up your mind?
Look carefully at the picture again.
Still don't know?
Pre-schoolers all over the United States were shown this picture and asked the same question.
90% of the pre-schooler's gave this answer.
"The bus is traveling to the left."
When asked, "Why do you think the bus is traveling to the left?"
They answered:
"Because you can't see the door to get on the bus."
How do you feel now ???
I know, me too.

CULTURE/SOCIETY: Santa Claus is a Vampire, Part Two

I found this post on the 'net the other day. It came out 10 days after I wrote my own piece on Santa Claus being a vampire. So you see! I am NOT the only who could come up with something like this!

This is from a blog called The Bionic Genius Roundtable. - OlderMusicGeek


If I told you there was a man who never seemed to die but lived on century after century, crept about only at night, snuck into our homes through the use of magic, could command animals, kept small people as slaves, could fly through the night sky and had a fascination with children, naturally you’d think I was describing a vampire. But NO! That’s a description of Santa Claus. So, is Santa Claus a vampire? Let’s look at some disturbing facts…

There are several different legends and folktales that make up the modern day depiction of Santa Claus but many of those folktales can be traced back to Europe several centuries ago. This was a time when the dark forests of Europe were rife with vampires the way we have squirrels today. In fact, a certain man known as Vlad “The Impaler” Tepes ruled in the Balkans in the mid-15th century. It could just be a coincidence that Santa Claus was becoming well-known during this time but…

Santa Claus is immortal or should I say “undead”… He appears year after year, century after century.

Forget the mall Santa Clauses. The real Santa Claus only comes out one day a year - check that – one night a year. He is nocturnal. Is this by choice or a dire need to avoid the burning rays of the sun?

The big beard and padded costume help to conceal anything suspicious. The droopy moustache hides the sharp canines. The padding of thick coats and pants hides his bone-thin cadaverous frame. The red costume doesn’t show any spilled blood. Why is his face such an unnaturally bright red hue as to beg comparisons such as “cheeks like roses and a nose like a cherry”? One word: makeup.

How does Santa enter our homes? Not through the front door. Remember that no vampire can enter a home unless invited. This necessitates gaining entry through other methods. The chimney is available but only if you are able to somehow transform into something small enough to fit down a chimney and then somehow fly back up. The form of a bat would fit this bill nicely…

Who builds the toys? We are told that it’s elves but they resemble children. Children who never age but are trapped in a loop of undying servitude perhaps… The cute little “elves” seem to be early victims who are forever trapped in childlike bodies (like Kirsten Dunst in “Interview with a Vampire”) but apparently are willing to help him by building the toys that he delivers.

I am in no way suggesting that Santa Claus is truly evil. Obviously his generosity is sincere and enormous. But I think the facts add up to only one conclusion and that is that he is a vampire. Possibly a reformed vampire who is trying to make up for his past transgressions. Sneaking into our homes once a year to drink our sweet blood while we sleep may be a necessary evil for him. However, because of his gentle (though unbeating) heart, he repays us with toys and gifts. He is a great man and we are lucky to have his spirit with us no matter what manner of creature he may be. So this Christmas, sleep deeply and leave your collar just a little loose for old Santa Claus.

CULTURE/SOCIETY: The Girlfriend from Hell

I just learned that I can upload videos unto my blog. :) So here's a couple that Ernest T Spoon sent me a while back. - OlderMusicGeek

CULTURE/SOCIETY: Just So You Know

Click


Here

HUMOR: Is Mommy Near the Phone?

Another email from Ernest T Spoon. This one is definitely PG-13. :) - OlderMusicGeek

"Hi, Honey, this is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?"

"No Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."

After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul."

"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now."

Brief Pause.

"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do: Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway"

"Okay Daddy, just a minute."

A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.

"I did it Daddy."

"And what happened honey?" he asked.

"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"

"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?"

"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."

***Long Pause***

***Longer Pause***

***Even Longer Pause***

Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool? Is this 486-5731?"

HUMOR and CULTURE/SOCIETY: The Purina Diet

Another joke from the clearing out of my emails - this one from Ernest T Spoon. - OlderMusicGeek

I have a Labrador retriever & I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time. However, I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story. She then asked if the reason I was in the hospital was because I'd been poisoned. I told her no, I'd been sitting in the street licking myself and a car hit me!

HUMOR: Government's More Advanced Strategies

This is an ancient email sent to me by The Sassy Witch. - OlderMusicGeek.

The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed on from generation to generation, says that: "When you discover that you're riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount."

However, in the government, more advanced strategies are often employed, such as:

1) Buying a stronger whip to be used on the dead horse.
2) Changing riders.
3) Arranging to visit other countries to see how other cultures ride dead horses
4) Appointing a committee to study the dead horse.
5) Lowering the standards so that the dead horse can be included.
6) Reclassifying the dead horse as "living impaired", thus entitling it to benefits.
7) Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse.
8) Harnessing several dead horses together to increase speed.
9) Providing additional funding and/or training to increase the dead horse's performance.
10) Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve the dead horse's performance.
11) Rewriting the expected performance requirements for all dead horses.
12) Declaring that, as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less costly, carries lower overhead and contributes substantially more to the bottom line of the economy than a live horse.
13) Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position.

CULTURE/SOCIETY: What My Superpower Should Be

Being a comic book fan in my youth, I had to take this quiz. - OlderMusicGeek.

Your Superpower Should Be Mind Reading

You are brilliant, insightful, and intuitive. You understand people better than they would like to be understood. Highly sensitive, you are good at putting together seemingly irrelevant details. You figure out what's going on before anyone knows that anything is going on! Why you would be a good superhero: You don't care what people think, and you'd do whatever needed to be done Your biggest problem as a superhero: Feeling even more isolated than you do now

What Should Your Superpower Be?