HUMOR: You Know You're Drinking Too Much Coffee When.....

I got this from my brother, Harmonica23. - OlderMusicGeek

You Know You're Drinking Too Much Coffee When.....
.. Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
.. You personally account for more than 1% of the Gross National Product of Brazil.
.. You have a bumper sticker that says: "Coffee drinkers are good in the sack."
.. You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
.. The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
.. You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
.. You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
.. Mosquitoes that bite you can fly through glass.
.. You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
.. You think skydiving is just too damned slow.
.. You answer the door before people knock.
.. You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
.. You can jump-start your car without cables.
.. Your urine stream bores a hole in the toilet.
.. You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
.. You stand in front of the microwave oven screaming, "Hurry UP!!!"
.. You lick your coffeepot clean.
.. You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.