BAT DUO CLIMBS ROCKEFELLER TREE
Posted on Friday, December 12th, 2008
By Gerry Dorsey
NEW YORK, NY – As a means of celebrating both Christmas and Britney’s recent success, the bat pair have done the unthinkable.
Batney and Bat Boy have been spending time in New York City this week, and the trip has culminated in a death-defying act of climbing the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree!
When Bat Boy finally reached up and touched the Swarovski crystal star, the crowd went wild, embracing each other and crying with relief over the duo’s safety.
Unfortunately, the tourists were too swept up in emotion to notice Bat Boy and Batney rolling the star down the side of the tree directly into a waiting pick-up truck. The rascals hopped in and high-fived before Batney sped off, leaving the crowd in stunned silence.
The star was later discovered hanging from the ceiling in the Times Square Toys ‘R Us.
The pointy-eared criminals are still at large.
A link to the complete article
PhD APE JR. ANALYZES SANTAPosted on Wednesday, December 24th, 2008
By Samuel T. Westbrook
NEW YORK, NY – Holiday shoppers at Macy’s Department Store were surprised this week when PhD Ape brought his son and niece to meet Santa for the first time.
Junior was excited to sit in Santa’s lap and tell him what he wants for Christmas. PhD Ape’s niece Bobo managed to sit still long enough to take a photo with Santa before running off to eat the candy cane picket fence in front of Santa’s Workshop.
“Junior wouldn’t tell me what he asked for,” PhD Ape told reporters outside Macy’s. “But I’m pretty sure it involved bananas, a rope swing, and a Wii Fit.”
“If he’s a good boy, he’ll also have asked for new slippers and a box of Cubans for his father.” PhD Ape said with a wink.
During his lunch break, reporters asked Santa about meeting the young ape children.
“It was a little unnerving, to be honest. I thought they were adorable, sweet little things, but then Junior asked me if I have daddy issues and if that’s why I feel the need to provide children with love and presents.”
“He asked if I crave the approval of my peers. He is definitely his father’s son.”
A link to the original site
NORTH POLE REQUESTS BAILOUTPosted on Thursday, December 18th, 2008
By Reginald Cunningham III
WASHINGTON, DC - Santa Claus has requested a $14 million federal bailout to avoid a crash which could cancel Christmas.
The struggling world economy and increased costs of reindeer feed are cited as reasons why the North Pole is facing its first ever budget crisis. Santa Claus spoke before Congress this week, requesting a portion of the $700 billion federal bailout fund to make sure Christmas can go ahead as usual.
Some representatives are highly critical of the request. Jim DeMint (R. S.C) said, “Their business model brings in no income, they just give everything away. I’m amazed they got this far.”
Elf Unions are believed to be the cause of a hold up on a final deal.
Critics say that the United Elvin Workers are responsible for the North Pole’s collapse, demanding lavish wages for its workers. However, research shows that the average elf gladly works 16 hours a day in exchange for food and shelter. The last formal complaint made by the union requested five-minute song breaks every hour, extra tinsel allowances and improved handicapped bathroom access.
When asked if he would be using confidential information from his “Naughty List” to sway his opponents, Mr. Claus said “Right now all options are on the table.” Senator Norm Coleman squirmed in his seat.
A link to the complete article
SANTA FROZENPosted on Wednesday, December 24th, 2008
By Reginald Cunningham III
NORTH POLE - Santa Claus has yet again been frozen in a block of ice.
Delaying critical Christmas preparation, the elf union is working overtime to thaw out the yule time celebrity.
After going on his traditional pre-holiday bender, Santa drunkenly fell asleep outside the reindeer stables and was quickly frozen in a solid block of ice.
Experts believe he may have been hitting the bottle harder than usual due to his difficulty in receiving a federal bailout. Unsubstantiated reports say that Mrs. Claus may have been one of the unlucky victims taken in by the Madoff financial scheme.
UPDATE: Through a miraculous combination of teamwork and ingenuity, Santa Claus was saved and Christmas proceeded as scheduled.Numerous attempts to free Santa from inside a giant block of ice failed. Blowtorches refused to start as a surprise blizzard came roaring through. Hammers and chisels made hardly a dent in the solid ice.
Finally, a daring combination of fresh chocolate chip cookies and gamma radiation saved the day. Head of the North Pole research department Sprinkles Von Bohrstein came up with the holiday saving idea to combine Santa’s favorite treat with a gamma powered “Cheer Emitter.” Mrs. Claus made up a fresh batch of chocolate chip cookies and placed them in front of the frozen Santa. Then Von Bohrstein aimed the experimental device at him, hoping the ice could be broken from the inside out.
Immediately results could be seen as Santa become hotter from the radiation and began to grow in size. With the thunderous crash of ice the mutated Santa Claus shattered his icy prison with a bellowing “Ho HO HOOOO!”Other Holidays articles:
OBATMA CELEBRATES KWANZAA
MADOFF SPENDS HANNUKAH WITH ALIEN
A link to all my Christmas posts
Merry Christmas or whatever holiday you're celebrating!
MY CHRISTMAS INTERNET RADIO STATIONS
OlderMusicGeek Radio - Christmas Edition
OlderMusicGeek Radio - Christmas Rock and Punk Edition
OlderMusicGeek's Christmas QuickMix
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