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Showing posts with label drug abuse. Show all posts
Showing posts with label drug abuse. Show all posts

Monday, December 08, 2008

HUMOR: Santa Controversies

I found this surfing the net. It's from Dickipedia, "a wiki of dicks". - OlderMusicGeek

Environmental

As concerns about global warming increased, so did scrutiny of Santa’s travel methods. Though a sleigh being pulled by reindeer was long thought to be an efficient, or “green” form of transportation, studies found that, in fact, the ozone depletion at the north pole was being accelerated by the methane gas produced by the reindeer, especially Prancer. Also, it was revealed that the other 364 days of the year Santa travels by private jet.

Weight

Since the inception of the story of Santa, societal attitudes about weight and its effects on overall health have also changed. In recent years, Santa underwent dramatic weight loss. He attributed his new physique to “exercise and a disciplined diet planned.” But rumors persisted that the weight loss was, in fact, due to gastric bypass surgery, which Santa adamantly denies.

DUI and racist remarks

In 2006, Santa, driving his sleigh, was pulled over. A test showed that his blood alcohol level was .13, well over the .08 legal limit. Upon being cited by the officer, Santa exploded with rage, reportedly yelling “F*** the Jews. The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world!”

Santa subsequently said that he wanted to “apologize directly to those who have been hurt and offended by those words." He also said that he “pushes the envelope a lot” and “works in a very uncontrolled manner.” He said he is “not racist” and “that’s what so insane about this, and yet it’s said, it comes through, it fires out of me and even now in the passion that’s here as I confront myself.” He promised to “get to the force field of this hostility, why it’s there, why the rage is in any of us, why the trash takes place.”

He also apologized to the “elf community,” and Mrs Claus, and pledged to “meet with leaders of the Jewish faith” to “allow the healing to begin.”

He later blamed the outburst on a substance abuse problem stemming from the overuse of pain relief pills prescribed for a back problem due to his weight. He attended a 30 day rehabilitation program at a clinic called “Promises” in Malibu, California.

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Wednesday, January 09, 2008

CULTURE/SOCIETY: 1967 Vs 2007

I have received this piece of crap in the mail at least 3 times now, if not 4. So the next person who sends it to me is getting this as their response. My responses are in italics. - OlderMusicGeek

1967 vs. 2007

Scenario: Jack goes quail hunting before school, pulls into school parking lot with shotgun in gun rack.

1967 - Vice principal comes over to look at Jack's shotgun. He goes to his own car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.

2007 - School goes into lock-down, and FBI is called. Jack is hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.

This is, of course, so silly. What kind of idiot thinks a kid would use a gun on other kids in school. Everybody knows that could never really happen.

And even if it did, nobody would blame the principal for letting a kid have a gun at the school!

And people are traumatized, who cares. Let them fail classes or be too frazzled to teach properly!

These are the same kind of idiots who want us to spend money reinforcing buildings because they actually think someone would fly an airplane into them!

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Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.

1967 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up best friends.

2007 - Police called. SWAT team arrives. Johnny and Mark are arrested and charged with assault. Both are expelled even though Johnny started it.

Yeah, let kids fight. We know that's the best way to solve our problems. Especially since kids carry knives and guns now.

And Mark was probably perfectly innocent anyway. Like when kids fight in a family. We know ONLY ONE is COMPLETELY at fault!

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Scenario: Jeffrey won't be still in class, disrupts other students.

1967 - Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by the Principal. He returns to class, sits still, and does not disrupt class again.

2007 - Jeffrey is diagnosed with A.D.D. and given huge doses of Ritalin. Be comes a zombie. School gets extra money from State because Jeffrey has a learning disability.

Once again, we all know violence is the only way to solve a problem!

And we know all kids on Ritalin are zombies and never do better in class.

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Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his neighbor's car and his dad gives him a whipping with his belt.

1967 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.

2007 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy is placed in foster care and joins a gang. State psychologist convinces Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself, and their dad goes to prison. Billy's Mom has affair with psychologist.

Like I said, violence is of course the answer. It's better for a kid to grow up with a parent who beats the crap out of him than with foster parents. Everybody knows that!

And all that abuse is just made up anyway! It never really happens. And when one kids, we know that the others are almost never abused. The abuser just concentrates on one.

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Scenario: Mark has a headache and brings some aspirin to school.

1967 - Mark takes aspirin in lunchroom and headache goes away.

2007 - Police called. Mark is expelled from school for drug violations. Car is searched for drugs and weapons.

These idiots who thinks kids would use a gun on other students also think that kids would bring drugs in aspirin bottles and share them with other kids. Where do they get this crazy stuff?

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Scenario: Pedro fails English in high school.

1967 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college.

2007 - Pedro's cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro's English teacher. English banned from core curriculum. Pedro is given a diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.

Well, of course, all the foreigners who have come American never learned English here. That's why we all speak Lakota and Apache and Hopi.

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Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from 4th of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a fire ant hill.

1967 - Ants die.

2007 - Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, Homeland Security, and FBI called. Johnny is charged with domestic terrorism. The FBI investigates parents; siblings are removed from home; computers are confiscated. Johnny's dad goes on Terror Watch List and is never allowed to fly again.

I love having kids blow things up. Nothing like losing a few fingers to learn a lesson!

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Scenario: Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher who hugs him to comfort him.

1967 - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.

2007 - Teacher is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces three years in state prison. Johnny undergoes five years of therapy.

Once again, these same fools who think kids would shoot at other kids and give other kids drugs – think that a teacher could do something sexual towards a student. When have we ever heard of anything like that happening?

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AND PEOPLE WONDER WHY THIS COUNTRY IS SUCH A MESS ... DUHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Exactly duh! Don't people know that running from guns, getting beaten up by bullies and parents, getting addicted to drugs, and sexually abused builds character! Sheesh!

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