MY LIFE: A Visit To Peculiar Missouri, Part 1: Drives And Responsibilities

I don't why, but this post is taking me forever to write. Just can't seem to find the time. So I'm dividing into 3 posts. - OlderMusicGeek

We hop off the Peculiar exit, looking forward to seeing what this town, that we had passed many times but never visited, had to offer to us.

We had seen the sign each time we went down to visit my mom in Arkansas. “Peculiar so-and-so many miles”. Okay, it didn't actually say “so-and-so many miles”, but I don't remember the exact figure!

But my daughter and I became fascinated by the idea of a town called “Peculiar”. And I determined that one day we would visit it.

Well, the years rolled by and we never did visit it. If we were coming from my mom's home in Arkansas, we just wanted to get home. And sometimes, I was meeting my mom and her husband at the halfway point between my home and theirs in Clinton, Missouri, to either to drop off or pick up my daughter who was visiting for a couple of weeks. And Peculiar was only an hour or so from Clinton, and we didn't feel like stopping our 8- to 9-hour drive again after so short a time.

So year after year, the town of Peculiar was noticed... but ignored.


Then finally one year, I took down my nephew as I was going down to pick up my daughter.

I have to say, though, he has no understanding of the responsibility of the passenger on a long trip – which, of course, is to talk to the driver and keep them awake. I tried talking to him, but all I got back were monosyllables.

Thank the god, I had a boom box hooked up to my iPod playing all my alternative rock, punk, Cajun, bluegrass, big band, as well as other music. I would have fallen asleep without that music and massive doses of Diet Coke. And unfortunately, all that Diet Coke, of course, meant a number of potty stops. I am in my mid-40s!


Well, we still passed the town of Peculiar on the way down and met my mom, her husband and my daughter in Clinton.

Usually, we just eat at the McDonald's there in Clinton. But my nephew has celiac disease and can't eat certain kinds of food, especially wheat-based products. Turns out there really wasn't anywhere in town where he could eat.

So we said our good-byes, and my nephew headed off with my mom and her husband, and my daughter obviously headed off with me.


And as we headed to the car, it hit me.

“Hey, are you that hungry? Or can you wait an hour?”

My daughter gives me a bit of a look. “I'm not really that hungry. Why?”

I smile. “Well.... I was thinking we could eat in Peculiar.”

“Oh, we're going to eat in Peculiar! I can wait!”

A Visit To Peculiar Missouri, Part 2

HUMOR: You Know You're Drinking Too Much Coffee When.....

I got this from my brother, Harmonica23. - OlderMusicGeek

You Know You're Drinking Too Much Coffee When.....
.. Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
.. You personally account for more than 1% of the Gross National Product of Brazil.
.. You have a bumper sticker that says: "Coffee drinkers are good in the sack."
.. You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
.. The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
.. You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
.. You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
.. Mosquitoes that bite you can fly through glass.
.. You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
.. You think skydiving is just too damned slow.
.. You answer the door before people knock.
.. You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
.. You can jump-start your car without cables.
.. Your urine stream bores a hole in the toilet.
.. You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
.. You stand in front of the microwave oven screaming, "Hurry UP!!!"
.. You lick your coffeepot clean.
.. You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.

HUMOR: How Many Dogs Does It Take To Change A Lightbulb

I got this as an email. - OlderMusicGeek

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?

1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?



2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.





3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!






4. Rottweiler: Make me.







5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.







6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!





7. German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation



8. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.






9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb!






10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.






11. Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?





12. Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...






13. Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.




How many cats does it take to change a light bulb?
Cats do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is:

'How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?'

ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE STAFF!

HUMOR: A Girls' Night Out

This is an old email sent to me by The Sassy Witch.

WARNING: Contains adult material. - OlderMusicGeek

Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out. Both were very faithful and loving wives. However, they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers. Incredibly drunk and walking home, they needed to pee. So they stopped in the cemetery.

One of them had nothing to wipe with, so she thought she would take off her panties and use them. Her friend, however, was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them. She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it. So she proceeded to wipe with that.

After the girls did their business, they proceeded to go home. The next day, one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over,. So he phoned the other husband and said, "These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with no panties!!"

"That's nothing" said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck to her butt that said.....

''From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you."

HUMOR: Name That Tiolet

The Sneeze website has been talking toilets recently. I suggest you check it out.

WARNING: The following makes use of profanity. - OlderMusicGeek

February 22, 2008
By Any Other Name

We've been remodeling a bathroom here at Sneeze headquarters. My favorite thing about the entire process has been reading the fantastic names companies have given their toilets.

While I dearly love that Kohler has a toilet named "Kathryn," my true favorite from them is "Memoirs."Gently whisper it to yourself. Memoirs...

So delicate. So French. Yes, Memoirs is where I would like to unload my filth.

You shouldn't be surprised by my joy to see the lofty names also extend to their toilet seats. I give you the majestic beauty of "Autumn Tides" by Kohler.Autumn Tides -- the leaves are turning... the waves are crashing... the poop is coming.

Autumn Tides -- a toilet seat for the discerning buttock.

Click here for The Sneeze Home Page! Posted by Steven | Archive

Subscribe to this feed • Email the author • Stumble It! (3 Reviews) • Digg This! • Submit to RedditFebruary 24, 2008
Name That Toilet

In response to the previous post, a reader writes:

dear the sneeze --

i read about toilets on your website today. will you please have a the sneeze contest and let us, the fans of the sneeze, try to come up with the best toilet name ever? and would you agree to re-name your toilet the name that wins the contest? maybe you could pick the top 5 best toilet names submitted, and then we could all vote for the #1 winner.

if you like this idea, great! if not, f*** you.(asterisks added by me, OlderMusicGeek)

--a sneeze reader (whom you kind of know personally)

p.s. i will start by suggesting "shit lagoon" -- but i have more.

Sure, why not. Our "Carrollton" from Toto is not a name to get excited about. And the toilet has not been installed yet, so once we have a new name, on the day it is installed I can christen it in more than one way.

Whether you have names to add or not, it would be helpful if you could mention any other submissions that you are liking, to help figure out the top 5.

The comment board is open now closed. (Poll coming soon.)

Click here for The Sneeze Home Page! Posted by Steven | Archive

Subscribe to this feed • Email the author • Stumble It! (1 Reviews) • Digg This! (2 Diggs) • Submit to Reddit

The following is, believe or not, just the comments from this post on Sneeze's blog that I found funny enough to reprint. There is a LOT more. :) - OlderMusicGeek

In our dorm room - "Standard"
Posted by: Harrison at February 24, 2008 08:44 PM

Pearl Harbor.
"I'll be right back. Gotta drop some bombs off at Pearl Harbor."
Posted by: E=MC_Hammer at February 24, 2008 08:45 PM

Let's go with the classic: Charybdis
Posted by: Fox at February 24, 2008 08:45 PM

The Dookie Snatcher
Posted by: Dexter at February 24, 2008 08:47 PM

The Taming of the Poo (a nice Shakespearean name)
Posted by: Jesse at February 24, 2008 08:49 PM

George Bush
Posted by: Courtney at February 24, 2008 08:50 PM

The Throne of Lost Souls
Posted by: Piccolo at February 24, 2008 08:52 PM

Gilligan's Isle (you know for those 3 hour 'tours').
Posted by: Dmatos at February 24, 2008 08:56 PM

Splash Mountain
Posted by: Ruth at February 24, 2008 09:00 PM

The Holy Grail
Posted by: Ruth at February 24, 2008 09:02 PM

Cheek Muncher
Posted by: Curtis at February 24, 2008 09:09 PM

Arserenity
Posted by: KJ at February 24, 2008 09:10 PM

Well, it has "skirted styling" or as i like to say, "Kilted styling", so it really needs a Scottish name, cause as we all know, "if it's not Scottish, it's CRAP!"
Posted by: Steve...not "THE" Steve at February 24, 2008 09:12 PM

Oops I Did It Again
Sneeze Bowl
Unportable Potty
Processed Tree Brain Depository
The Eaten Food Memorial
Posted by: GUS at February 24, 2008 09:13 PM

I suggest you call the thing "Toilet." But you could Frenchify it to make it sound all haute. Or you could just go phonetic and call it Twah-let.

Here's a link to a website that analyzes the meaning of names. Here is their analysis of the name "Toilet."

http://www.kabalarians.com/male/toilet.htm
Posted by: Justin at February 24, 2008 09:13 PMHere's a copy of the page from the link Justin submitted. - OlderMusicGeek

Your First Name of: Toilet

Click here for a report on the impact your first and last names combined have on your life. You will be amazed at our accuracy!

Although the name Toilet creates the urge to understand others, we emphasize that it causes an emotional intensity that is hard to control.

This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses in the fluid and nervous system.

Your name of Toilet gives you a highly sensitive, idealistic, and intuitive nature.

You could be expressive and creative in the arts, music, or drama and you have a great desire to help others.

Since you are not inclined to give due consideration to practical and business matters, you could miss out on reaching a level of financial success appropriate for your efforts and abilities.

You feel and sense much that you do not fully understand, and you can be deeply influenced through the thoughts of others without realizing just how you are being affected.

You are super-sensitive and intuitive.

Your full name creates the overall conditions in your life as well as your destiny. It is a very important factor. Click here for a report on the impact your first and last names combined have on your life. You will be amazed at the accuracy of this report!Would "The Velvet Revolver" be copyright or trademark infringement?

Just thinking about my toilet being called "The Velvet Revolver" brings a tear to my eye and bile to my throat.... but maybe it's just me...
Posted by: Suzi at February 24, 2008 09:18 PM

How about: "The Royal Flush"?
Posted by: Kevin at February 24, 2008 09:22 PM

"plop, plop"
Posted by: Marg at February 24, 2008 09:24 PM

Diablo Cody
Posted by: Shayne at February 24, 2008 09:27 PM

I submit for your approval: "Unicornicopia."

It's whimsical and makes me think of Thanksgiving (which, in turn, makes me poop). Posted by: Dixie at February 24, 2008 09:30 PM

"Xanadu" after that mansion in Citizen Kane. Or in Coleridge's poem... "in Xanadu did Kubla Khan a stately pleasure-dome decree."
Posted by: Frank at February 24, 2008 09:31 PM

When I read the arcticle that lead to the naming of your toilet, the writer said the "shit lagoon". I can't say I love that, but it reminded me of a spitoon.

I hereby offer "the shitoon".
Posted by: vic at February 24, 2008 09:36 PM

The Event Horizon
Posted by: Noah at February 24, 2008 09:38 PM

all i know is that one of the best pieces of vandalism i ever saw was the toilet at summer camp, where someone had stolen a sticker from elsewhere, and placed it on the inside lid of the toilet. the sticker read "We Recycle"
Posted by: judge mental at February 24, 2008 09:58 PM

also... when i was in italy, there were these minature construction vehicles to carry waste around called "dumpy 500." that was one of the best moments of my childhood.
Posted by: judge mental at February 24, 2008 10:00 PM

"Amber Waves"
Posted by: Jen at February 24, 2008 10:17 PM

Toilets should have anthropomorphic scholarly names.
Professor Dumpledore
Doctor Doo-Doo-little

For our neighbors to the south:
Senor Burrito-completo
Posted by: Joe schmo at February 24, 2008 10:27 PM

Gambino & Sons' Lie Detector & Water-Boarding Device
Posted by: Johnny "Silver Balls" Holiday at February 24, 2008 10:30 PM

...you may also consider naming it "The Casbah" When dropping the kids off at the pool doesn't sound right, we say "I'm off to rock the casbah" or "holy hell, i need to rock the casbah!"
Posted by: Shadrach at February 24, 2008 10:32 PM

Sly & The Family Stone!
Posted by: Harrison at February 24, 2008 10:39 PM

The Turdy Station
...based on the toilet manufacturer (Toto): Auntie BM
Posted by: LiteralDan at February 24, 2008 10:44 PM

"The Dream Catcher"
Posted by: Mike Y. at February 24, 2008 10:49 PM

"The Moan Throne"
Posted by: Bags at February 24, 2008 10:51 PM

William Shatner.
end of competition.
Posted by: Austin at February 24, 2008 10:56 PM

William Shatner- that's brilliant! Or should I say, "ass"tounding!
Posted by: becky at February 24, 2008 11:17 PM

"Mr Hanky's House" -- Nod to South Park.
Posted by: Sauly at February 24, 2008 11:31 PM

William Shatner ... yeah, that's good - must be where the captain's log goes?

Here are some quick entries:
The Log Ride
Shangri-Log
Poolympus
Turdvana
Lunch Heaven
New Jersey

Man, I'm so glad my education hasn't gone to waste!
Posted by: Spork3000 at February 24, 2008 11:53 PM

"Library Chair 2.8"
Posted by: Fishbrew (fill in cello player in the Tree Brains) at February 25, 2008 12:16 AM

Some of my ideas...
Outbox
To Be Filed
Download Queue
Printer Spooler
Vista
The "Other" Recliner
Doggie Mug
Goldfish Graveyard
Cheek Squeezer
Mini Jacuzzi
Your Mom
Oh Shit Falls
Posted by: Celes at February 25, 2008 01:14 AM

The Swamp - As in "I'm just going to drop Yoda off at the swamp."
Posted by: Steve at February 25, 2008 01:19 AM

Home of the Whopper
Posted by: Matt at February 25, 2008 01:27 AM

I think I want to stick with the whole elegance that the company is going for, so my suggestion would be: "Moonlight Escapade"
Posted by: Derrick at February 25, 2008 02:11

...here are a few for you...
- Thermopolye ( the greek name of the Hot Gates from the Spartan refrence...you could even make a sign based on the stone plaque placed there "Stranger, Go tell the Spartans that here we 300 sat , and with spartan law did our doodie")
- Sweet relief
- The Final Frontier (but you could only call that right before you christen it...because haveing read wht you eat you will boldly go where no man has gone before)

and finally:
a modifier to an earlier post
William Shatner should be shortened to The Shatner but pronounced Shat....(exstended over actted grunt)....nerrrrrrrrrrrrr (the r is pronounced in pronounced relief)
Posted by: Jason the Argonaught at February 25, 2008 02:48 AM

My vote is for "The Event Horizon" - since that's the whole point - you don't want whatever is in there to EVER come back!

For those not in the know about black holes - the event horizon is the point of no return as you approach a black hole. Once you cross it, you cannot get back out

Perhaps that suggests another name idea: "The Black Hole"
Posted by: Jeff at February 25, 2008 04:52 AM

All of the toilets in my house have "Church" on the seat. This has always amused me since it is the only "church" I attend regularly.
Posted by: Some other Steve at February 25, 2008 05:01 AM

The Fartress of Solipoo
Posted by: Ben at February 25, 2008 05:37 AM

The Confessional... it is a spiritual place after all.
Posted by: rich at February 25, 2008 05:37 AM

Revised!: The Fartress of Solidpoo
Posted by: Ben at February 25, 2008 05:38 AM

Where Hippos Go To Die
Posted by: mike at February 25, 2008 05:47 AM

The Colon-izer
Posted by: Maybalee at February 25, 2008 05:48 AM

"Senator."
Posted by: Heather at February 25, 2008 05:58 AM

Ab Roller
Posted by: Andrew at February 25, 2008 06:13 AM

The oval office.
Posted by: anonymous at February 25, 2008 06:17 AM

Maybe...
The Tsunami Swirl
Urination Station
The Glory Hole
Posted by: Matt at February 25, 2008 06:24 AM

Bums Away!
Posted by: Fattmatt at February 25, 2008 06:30 AM

Flushing Meadows
Summer Breeze
Brutal 850-pound bear rape
Posted by: John at February 25, 2008 06:30 AM

Senor Craphonso.
As in "I'm going to have a few words with Senor Craphonso..." or "I shall make Senor Craphonso pay!!!!"
As a matter of fact, I might name my OWN toilet that....
Posted by: Todd at February 25, 2008 06:30 AM

Wait its made by Toto? Ok let me list some song titles by the band Toto

Baba Mnumzane
Better World Parts I and II
Bottom of your Soul
Burn Down The Mission ( considering what Steve Eats LOL)
Can't Stand It Any Longer
Carmen
Could This Be Love
Don't Stop Me Now
Dying On My Feet
Endless ( We have all had those sessions)
Falling in Between
Georgey Progy (Bwahahahaha)
Goin' Home
Goodbye Elenore
High Price of Hate
Hold The Line
Home of the Brave
Hooked
Hydra
I think I could Stand You Forever
I won't Hold You Back
I'll Be Over You
I'll Supply The Love
Isolation
It's A Feeling
King Of The World
Let It Go
Maiden Voyage/Butterfly
Manuela Run
Mindfields
Mrs. Johnson
Mushanga
No End In Sight
On the Run
Right Part Of Me
Rockmaker
Simplelife
Slipped Away (for when you dont quite make it)
St. George and the Dragon
Stay Away
Taint Your World
Takin' it Back
Til the End
We Made It
Posted by: Jason the Argonaught at February 25, 2008 06:30 AM

How appropriate that a band like Toto can have so many songs that can be related to poop! - OlderMusicGeek

mystic river
Posted by: sally at February 25, 2008 06:50 AM

Dad's Lounge
Posted by: sicasso at February 25, 2008 06:56 AM

Sweet Repose
Posted by: Lilacspecs at February 25, 2008 07:05 AM

Hurricane Latrina
Posted by: RSN at February 25, 2008 07:12 AM

SHITHAMMER FROM VALHALLA.
F-in' epic, right?(dirty word cut out by me, OlderMusicGeek)
Posted by: Fred at February 25, 2008 07:23 AM

The Border- as in better make a run for.
Posted by: Iris at February 25, 2008 07:24 AM

Fresh downloads on to Steve's "i-pot"
(Not STEVE JOB'S ipot.. though watch out for next year's model being thinner and lighter than ever.)
Posted by: Brian at February 25, 2008 07:25 AM

My grandmother used to refer to her chamber pot as the "THUNDER MUG."
I think "thunder mug" has genuine old-time-elegance, n'est-ce pas?
Posted by: Kerry at February 25, 2008 07:33 AM

The "Turd Hearse"
The "Down & Outhouse"
"Starbucks"
Posted by: Loren Ipsum at February 25, 2008 07:38 AM

http://www.flickr.com/photos/whatwhat/91374586/
Posted by: Brian at February 25, 2008 07:38 AM

This is the picture the link references to. - OlderMusicGeek

Pronounced: Shuh-Tead
Spelled: Shithead
Posted by: Dmatos at February 25, 2008 07:45 AM

OK.. Here is the winner:
Ashton Kutcher
I know, I know, pure brilliance!
Posted by: Steve Carter at February 25, 2008 07:48 AM

Bohemian Crapsody
Posted by: Jilly at February 25, 2008 07:48 AM

Steve carter, wouldn't that be
ass-ton catcher?
Posted by: not steve carter at February 25, 2008 07:55 AM

My suggestion:
YouTube
Posted by: J.R. Jenks at February 25, 2008 08:02 AM

Lincoln Log Cabin
Scooby Doo Doo
Peanut Gallery
Ja Rule
Posted by: Novaglarion at February 25, 2008 08:16 AM

The Squeeze
Posted by: grimace at February 25, 2008 08:29 AM

I too am in the midst of a bathroom reno, well, in the midst of agreeing with my wife about what she likes in a bathroom.

The highlight of the reno and the reason I'm leaving things in her oh so capable hands is our new toilet. For some reason I laugh every time I see it and every time she mentions our Wall Hung toilet to a friend. I'm thinking of getting some sort of prosthesis to hang off the base and branding it the Well Hung toilet.

Thanks for proving me right that its not "a stupid idea" to name your toilet.
Posted by: Stevie Havoc at February 25, 2008 08:43 AM

my dad calls our the "Splatter Catcher 9000"...
Posted by: Tyler Durden at February 25, 2008 08:54 AM

"The Queen Mother"
Posted by: Amelia at February 25, 2008 08:55 AM

How about The Moment of Truth?
Posted by: Crystal at February 25, 2008 09:02 AM

The Turd'n'ator 500
Posted by: damama at February 25, 2008 09:04 AM

H.R. Flushnstuf
Posted by: compton at February 25, 2008 09:14 AM

The Executive Lounger.
Posted by: Steve Otis at February 25, 2008 09:14 AM

The "Trans-incontinental"
Posted by: Thomas at February 25, 2008 09:18 AM

My grandparents used to live in a really old farmhouse. I think it was built before indoor plumbing b/c they had a flaming toilet. Seriously. You closed the lid and the contents would burst into flames. Deal with THAT at 3 years-old.

Anyway, the name doesn't fit here, but it's actual name is too precious not to share.
The Destroylet
Posted by: Matt Z at February 25, 2008 09:29 AM

Thigh Master
Posted by: Ronnie with an R at February 25, 2008 09:34 AM

The Immaculate Throne of Morning Reflection
Defecate-Con 1
Posted by: Nicole at February 25, 2008 09:36 AM

"harry potty" anyone?
no?
ok, fine.
Posted by: j at February 25, 2008 09:37 AM

Old Yeller
Posted by: juggernaut73 at February 25, 2008 09:38 AM

where can i get an exploding firey toilet? seriously someone tell me? I don't even want to know what happened when your pets died in that house....
Posted by: xs at February 25, 2008 09:41 AM

The Log Jam
Posted by: skst at February 25, 2008 09:43 AM

Buttholster
Posted by: Barf at February 25, 2008 09:48 AM

How about "Daddy's Twenty Minute Vacation"?
Posted by: Heidi at February 25, 2008 10:24 AM

Private Reflections
Posted by: Maddox at February 25, 2008 10:30 AM

The Spud Removal Machine
Posted by: Stevie B. at February 25, 2008 10:35 AM

The Throne of Reason
ThinkerStinker
Concentrated Evil Eliminator
Posted by: Jessica at February 25, 2008 10:44 AM

ground zero
Posted by: Dan at February 25, 2008 11:11 AM

dianetics (the original container of crap)
Posted by: josh at February 25, 2008 11:21 AM

"Heat and Chaos"
Posted by: SerialPsychosis at February 25, 2008 11:22 AM

Well.. It's hard to name something without knowing it, I didn't name my cats for a while and just let them earn their names (they wound up being Bozo and Gravy). So what do we know about toilets? Well We know they are always there for you. Be it trouble down below at 3am or just the standard morning drop off, they're there, working around the clock 24/365.25. Like man's best friend, faithful... Loyal...

So here are some names that mean faithful/loyal or some synonym thereof.
Truman - Loyal Man
Taka - Dutiful
Enoch - Devoted; Dedicated

Another is Tua which means Behind. Which works on so many levels.

No matter what you choose to name your new pal I'm sure the relationship between man and seat will be a strong one.
Posted by: Josh at February 25, 2008 11:26 AM

Catcher of the Rye?
Posted by: cd at February 25, 2008 11:36 AM

A few more:
Urine Luck
Dook of Hurl
Dawson's Crack
Posted by: E at February 25, 2008 11:42 AM

The "Kaplunker"
Posted by: Eric at February 25, 2008 11:46 AM

My boyfriend and I thought it over and we've got:
The Ring of Fire
The Tax Refund
Posted by: Beach at February 25, 2008 12:14 PM

Gentle Caress
Posted by: Lanko at February 25, 2008 12:32 PM

shooting range
Posted by: jam at February 25, 2008 12:46 PM

I've always called all my toilets by the same name:
Trigger.
Posted by: John at February 25, 2008 12:56 PM

The Altar.

see the wiki definition ... strangely appropriate.

"An altar is any structure upon which sacrifices or other offerings are offered for religious purposes, or some other sacred place where ceremonies take place."

By proxy the bathroom as a whole can become The Temple.
Posted by: Stevie Havoc at February 25, 2008 01:03 PM

Number 2 The Sequel
Posted by: Bobby Hay at February 25, 2008 01:06 PM

Lethargy.
Posted by: Manda Eskimo at February 25, 2008 01:28 PM

Dr. Fill
Posted by: Ru at February 25, 2008 01:48 PM

Jet Propulsion Lavatory
Posted by: maija at February 25, 2008 03:27 PM

...there also could be a good, strong, ship's name, like "the defiant" or "dauntless."

i would also like to share that in cajun creole, what it's called has to do with what you're doing... it's called both the "PISSOIR" and the "SHITTOIR." i mean, that's brilliant.
Posted by: liz at February 25, 2008 03:58 PM

Ok, all this is great. But the real question is who here is man enough to get a Washlet? Seriously. www.cleanishappy.com You won't regret it.
Posted by: Rob at February 25, 2008 04:22 PM

It's better if you go to the website to see the video they have when it's loading, but here's what you see after it's loaded. - OlderMusicGeek


If you haven't already found the perfect toilet seat may I suggest the little number?
http://www.thecamoshop.com/mooakcatose.html
Just think of the possibilities for toilet paper!
Posted by: m. at February 25, 2008 04:23 PMThe page m. refers to looks something like this. - OlderMusicGeek






Home > Camouflage Bedding and Home Furnishings > Mossy Oak New Break-up^TM Camo Bedding-On Sale! > Mossy Oak Camouflage Toilet Seat

You've gone this far so you might as well finish the Décor with a PVC Toilet Seat in silk screened Mossy Oak Break-up pattern. Fits most oblong shape toilets and comes with heavy duty steel hardware.

Note: If you have an older style round toilet this will not fit.

744aYour Cost: Regular price: $69.95Sale price: $49.95 Qty: Availability: Usually ships the next business day.
Green Army Camo Comforter Set

Green Dress Shirt & Mossy Oak Breakup® Tie Set

Girls Camouflage Dressy Dress

Mossy Oak® Camouflage Nightgown

NIV Bible with a Realtree Camouflage CoverIn reference to the manufacturers, Toto. You can name your turds Dorothy.. as in...

"Be right back, I need to go shoot Dorothy in to the Whirlwind Bollock Muncher"

... then you can come out and announce that due to the smell you're "not in Kansas anymore"
Posted by: nate at February 25, 2008 05:47 PM

Church! Not just for Sundays!
Posted by: Angela Greco at February 25, 2008 05:59 PM

can't believe someone out there has a paid job naming toilets
Posted by: Annie at February 25, 2008 06:00 PM

To the poor soul who suggested Brutal 850 Pound Bear Rape--fiber much?
Posted by: ele at February 25, 2008 06:38 PM

lets see its a toilet to its sleek and pretty like a women but it deals with "crappy" business like men normally would so it needs to be the name of a manly woman
I would go with Big Bertha
Posted by: Jordan at February 25, 2008 06:41 PM

I asked some experts (3 young gents aged 11, 8, and 6) this question and here's what I got:
The poop eater
The poop swallower
Sir Crapsalot
The poop bus
The poop express
The twin toilets (?)
Mark
Ben
John
(You can see that this exercise degenerated into "let's name a toilet after someone we hate.)
Posted by: Lizardqueen at February 25, 2008 06:52 PM

Anyway, I'm also thinking of The Chosen One, just because you could say "Now, I'm off to take a crap in The Chosen One".
Posted by: Malia at February 25, 2008 06:59 PM

The Gesundheit
Posted by: Jack in Sydney at February 25, 2008 07:18 PM

I don't think anyone has yet suggested
"Shitty Shitty Bang Bang."
It comes with music. And it may fly.
Posted by: Canuck Jason at February 25, 2008 07:33 PM

Tho' it might be hard to top the actual "Persuade" toilet on the Kohler site (I've linked it to my name below...). I assume (heh, "ass"ume) that it cajoles you into crapping: "Come oooonnnn.... You know you wannna!!"
I'm especially impressed with its "Skirted trapway" which, apparently, "is easy to clean and eliminates potential debris."
Potential debris? Seriously?!?
Posted by: Canuck Jason at February 25, 2008 07:38 PM

Here's my list:
Ben Hur
the Grandview
park in rear
enchanted nights
sundance riding into the brown setting sun
the return of the fly
Exxon Valdez
Posted by: Derrick at February 25, 2008 07:43 PM

How about "The ARSEnal"?
Posted by: Paige at February 25, 2008 07:49 PM

My toilet in my current house is so incredibly old, the name stamped in it blue block letters ...
"EJECTO"
Posted by: tracy at February 25, 2008 08:16 PM

Squatting Tiger, Fecal Dragon
Posted by: EagleHat2000 at February 25, 2008 09:21 PM

Chernobyl
Posted by: theHOG at February 25, 2008 09:27 PM

"The Librarian" is VERY good! I really can see Kohler with a whole line of upscale plumbing fixtures by that name.
Posted by: damama at February 25, 2008 09:28 PM

Really negating the whole 'Wizard of Oz' aspect of Toto -really?
I mean you have "Dorthy" right out of the gate. Not to mention the yellow brick road, and that is without clever wordplay.

Of course we go go more intricate:
The Wiz-ard of OZ
Glenda "The white witch" white bowl...oh nevermind
Munchkinland - "Going to drop a house on Munchkinland"
The Rainbow as in the song "Somewhere over the rainbow."
Posted by: Bill "Not Shatner" at February 25, 2008 09:50 PM

In our bathroom here at home, my mom thought it would be nice to put a small christmas tree in our beach themed bathroom. What Christmas has to do with the beach, I don't know either... Either way it's in there, decorated with beach-themed ornaments and such.

I thought it was quite quaint and gave it the cute little name of "Toilet-tree".... Get it? Yeah? No? Toiletry?

Well, I just thought that even if I don't win the toilet naming contest, I could persuade you to get your own toilet tree... maybe we'll start a fad!

If you're lucky, your toilet-tree will grow a brain too and then you could fry and eat it!

Well, to wrap it up.. I think you should call your toilet
"THE MILLENIUM FALCON!"
Yeah, a shitter built for Harrison Ford.
Posted by: Kevin Kraus at February 25, 2008 10:15 PM

Air Force Bum
Posted by: emily at February 25, 2008 10:36 PM

1. I vote for "Event Horizon". It is classy and evocative.
2. I can't believe I'm helping someone name their shame disposer.
Posted by: Lawrence at February 26, 2008 12:12 AM

"The drop zone" As in "I got a jumper in the door"
Posted by: Dave at February 26, 2008 04:00 AM

My best friend Uncle Carl's prosthetic knee cap
Posted by: Tim at February 26, 2008 06:28 AM

you might enjoy this too. A brief history of the western style toilet http://mystrugglewithdebt.com/?p=40
Posted by: Chris at February 26, 2008 07:38 AM

George Bush's Brain
Posted by: Carsten at February 26, 2008 07:44 AM

from my bookshelf:
The Great Gatsby
Heart of Darkness
Watership Down

I'd really like to think of a Harry Potter themed name so that every time you took a shit you could shout, "Twenty points for Gryffindor!"
Posted by: Emily at February 26, 2008 09:07 AM

How about "Torpedo Runs"?
Posted by: Marc at February 26, 2008 09:13 AM

"Morning Rains" or "The Eternal Struggle"
Posted by: Spelt666 at February 26, 2008 09:41 AM

L. Ron Hubbard
Posted by: Blue Duck at February 26, 2008 09:41 AM

How about Crapfordshire?
Say it with a British accent. It lends it a sense of decadence
Posted by: Nicki the Heinous at February 26, 2008 09:43 AM

Decadence is good too
Posted by: Nicki the Heinous at February 26, 2008 09:44 AM

Small Child in the House theme: The Happy Time Poopy Chair
Newspaper theme: The Daily Constitutional...or Constipational, I can't decide
Posted by: jj at February 26, 2008 10:11 AM

How about THE WHIRLING TURDISH!
Posted by: Tres at February 26, 2008 10:18 AM

Voices from the Rear.
Posted by: Brita at February 26, 2008 10:43 AM

"The Six Million Dollar Can"
"There Will be Blood"
"The Ass Hole"
"On Top of old Smokey"
Posted by: rob at February 26, 2008 12:41 PM

Satan's Portal
Posted by: harry ape at February 26, 2008 12:48 PM

How about the "Mouth of God"?
Posted by: Nooth at February 26, 2008 01:45 PM

You guys are disturbed.
Posted by: grant at February 26, 2008 02:45 PM

this is bringing out, perhaps, the greatest creative effort in human history.
Posted by: rich at February 26, 2008 02:48 PM

Dingle Berry Farms
Posted by: Brock Steele at February 26, 2008 03:36 PM

Diahrea of Anne Frank
Posted by: rob at February 26, 2008 04:39 PM

A late entry:
The new Steve-throne should be called: The Manzoni

In honour of this fella:
http://www.poopaltar.com/2007/02/the_poop_artist.html
Who gave new meaning to art and canned goods. Ahem.
Posted by: The Big Poo at February 26, 2008 05:22 PMHere's the page in all it's glory. - OlderMusicGeek

The Poop Altar
A diary of daily worship

The Poop Artist
One of our all-time favorite works of art...
Piero Manzoni (1933-63) - Merda d'artista (Artist's Shit), 1961
Voltaire's Monkey: For Those Days When Art Just Gives You The Shits

"Piero Manzoni was an Italian artist who died at the age of 29 in 1963. But before he went he got some excrement - his own - and put it in a tin can. 'Excellent!' he said, in Italian, 'I think I'll call it Merda d'artista!'

Manzoni's canned shit is well known now, or the idea of it is. It's an idea as powerful in the popular imagination as the idea of blank canvases. In fact the actual cans are not all that well known. There are many of them. Each one contains an amount of the artist's own shit. On the label it says 30 grams but of course no one can really tell. The labels are quite detailed and well designed, with the name of the work in three languages, plus the date, the artist's signature and the name of the collector who owns the individual can - all this is part of the look. PIERO MANZONI is printed on the label in light grey letters on a grey ground, with the name repeating so it makes a mantra of the artist's name, as well as a grey and yellow pattern.

When they were first sold they cost their weight in gold. Now they're worth much more. If one came on the market today it would cost about 30,000 pounds. So while a pile of them was shown in a vitrine in London's Serpentine Gallery recently, it was a pile of shit but it was nearly a million pound's worth. . .

Money, shit, art: the holy trinity. Manzoni took jokes to a higher plane than Duchamp, in that he elevated them to the spiritual plane which was somewhere Duchamp never really wanted to go....

Posted by The Poo Collector on February 13, 2007 3:42 PM | PermalinkDude, the first thing I thought was "Snagglepuss". Whatever that implies...
Posted by: Laur at February 26, 2008 05:42 PM

The Office-
If you need me, I'll be in my office, or, Sorry honey, I have a feeling i'll be spending all day at the office.
Posted by: senor jueves at February 26, 2008 05:46 PM

i know its late for new entries, but i like "Dung Dungeon" best too.
Posted by: The Ish at February 26, 2008 05:58 PM

in keeping with the Shatner theme call it
The Enterprise
to boldly go where no man has gone before
and while your sitting "contemplating life" you could shout things like
Engage
Fire proton torpedos
Damit Jim Im a doctor not a Proctologist
(scottish accent..BAD..) Shes breakin apart captn she cana take much more
(vulcan) Its something we have never seen before captain
(vulcan) the grunting is just illogical
and if someone is knocking on the door
Not now Im battleing Klingons
Posted by: Jason the Argonaught at February 26, 2008 06:05 PM

we trully are a very large group of very disturbed individuals ... and I love it HA
Posted by: Jason the Argonaught at February 26, 2008 06:07 PM

Sweet Surrender
or
Freedom's Ring
Posted by: TD at February 26, 2008 06:27 PM

Psychedelic Wormhole.
Posted by: Ryan0 at February 26, 2008 06:59 PM

Ann Coulter

So that next time you are watching the real Ann Coulter speak, and someone remarks "where does she come up with this shit," you can smile proudly.
Posted by: Ally at February 26, 2008 07:07 PM

I've changed my mind.
In the spirit of "Memoirs" and "Kathryn" I like:
A Mighty Wind
Spirit of St. Louis
Cradle of Freedom
Posted by: BuffaloBandit at February 26, 2008 09:50 PM

the pit of despair
cthulhu/c'poo'lhu
the turdinator (i'll be back)
rowdy roddy diaper
guantanamo bay (for releasing the prisoner)
Posted by: liz at February 26, 2008 09:56 PM

The Echo Chamber
France
Posted by: Amy at February 26, 2008 10:00 PM

for the kiddies, The Thinking Chair (nod to Blue's Clues... You know what to do!)
Posted by: Leasa at February 26, 2008 10:04 PM

i would go with: Al Gore or Nancy Pelosi

Their both full of shit, right?
Wait, you could just name it, "The Politician" because that would some it all up.
Mr. Gore, here's to global warming!
Posted by: tara at February 26, 2008 10:29 PM

Also, Steve, i'd like to thank you for making me completely desensitized to toilet jokes.
Thanks. (so much sarcasm, it's not even funny)
Posted by: Austin at February 26, 2008 10:32 PM

Is it sad that I've kept up with this post and I've read all the comments so far?

This has been the second greatest time I have ever spent considering filthy names for someone else's toilet.
Posted by: LiteralDan at February 27, 2008 12:32 AM

Beyond Thunderdome
Posted by: tracy at February 27, 2008 01:15 AM

Agony or Ecstasy
Posted by: Giles at February 27, 2008 07:03 AM

Pried and Prejuiced
maybe
The Sound and the Fury
Posted by: Alan at February 27, 2008 07:27 AM

The Perfect Storm
Posted by: kathy at February 27, 2008 07:47 AM

For the gamers out there:
Call of Doody
Posted by: E at February 27, 2008 07:59 AM

The Sphincterminal
Posted by: crabbydad at February 27, 2008 08:03 AM

February 28, 2008
Rock the Toilet Vote

After far too much discussion, here are the finalist names for our new toilet.

They are a combination of ones I liked and ones you liked, but they are also ones that feel like they could be an actual toilet name. There were many I loved that didn't make the final list for various reasons (not kid-friendly, funny but too topical, etc.).

I don't know why there are two of these voter things. I've tried to fix four or five times! Just shows you can't trust electronic voting! - OlderMusicGeek

Name That Toilet

The Shatner
The Dream Catcher
The Event Horizon

PollDaddy.com

Here are just a handful of the terrific suggestions that deserve an Honorable Mention:
The Shitoon
iPood
H.R. Flushnstuff
Senor Burrito-Completo
Big Hungry Joe
Ol' Smeller
Loretta
The Six Million Dollar Can
There Will Be Blood
Poopacabra
Crapalodeon
Denny's

RESULTS NEXT WEEK.

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