MY LIFE: Yeah, what the f*** does your family do?

HUMOR: I'm more than willing to help out too!

CULTURE/SOCIETY: Your Contract And New Year Wishes

I got this from a co-worker. It seemed good enough to pass on. - OlderMusicGeek

After serious & cautious consideration . . .
Your contract of friendship has been renewed for the New Year 2009!
It was a very hard decision to make. So try not to screw it up!!!

My Wish for You in 2009
May peace break into your house and may thieves come to steal your debts. May the pockets of your jeans become a magnet of $100 bills. May love stick to your face like Vaseline and may laughter assault your lips! May your clothes smell of success like smoking tires and may happiness slap you across the face and may your tears be that of joy. May the problems you had forget your home address! In simple words . . . May 2009 be the best year of your life!!!

ENTERTAINMENT: Batman And Superman Text-Message In Heaven

This is from a blog that read when I have time to read blogs, Serious/Silly. - OlderMusicGeek

it was just another day, like any other day. something good was going on somewhere. something bad was going down somewhere too. like a tale of two cities, or a hidden identity. something with teeth waiting beneath the rainbow. last week's humidity had finally dispelled and the afternoon was warm, but nice. bordering just on being hot, threatening to push that edge in an hour or two. suddenly:

'hey. what r u up to?' a familiar question in an unfamiliar voice. i knew what was going on here.

'are you looking for ashley?'

ashley had been taunting me from somewhere beyond. the most quotidian of things were repeatedly besmirched by the spectre of her past. ordering pizza. reading a book. enjoying the outdoors. she never showed up, but was always there, lurking, a threat not-quite promised, a scythe never quite swinging.

'yes. who is this?'

'not ashley.' i thought that would scare off the ghost.

'then who is this?' 'i mean like what is ur name?'

i threw the phantom a handful of misdirection: 'i'm the joker. or maybe i'm batman. it's so hard to tell the difference these days...'

i waited, biding the minutes to see if my ruse were uncovered.

'o i c. in that case i am super man.'

clark, despite his failings, is an impeccable typist - years of working for a newspaper will do that to a guy. not only would he never misspell his own name, he would never resort to the crass aberrations found so frequently in text-speak.

'you got it, supes.' i thought again this would deter my assailant.

'lol ya what are you doin batty.' clark always calls me 'bats.' interesting. there's only one man on the planet who calls me batty to my face. the crown prince of crime. the master of mayhem. the one-man insane clown posse: the joker.

now that i knew who i was dealing with, i ended our discussion. for all his razzle-dazzle and his chaos, the joker is little more than a lunchroom bully: if you don't let him bait you, he'll leave you alone. and usually gotham as well.

then, this morning, after hours of silence:

'hey what r u doin'

damn. he's a relentless clown. i answered honestly, letting him know i knew who he was: 'getting some sleep after a long night protecting the citizens of gotham.'

i waited. would i have to go back out there? would gotham once again need salvation from its own red-headed, painted-face step-child?

'o i c. i was just having some fun with mrs. superman. hahaha......'

that laugh. it haunts my dreams and my waking moments alike. i could hear it, from wherever he was, like cat-claws on a chalkboard. i know what it means: lois is in trouble...

and i gotta go to work....

fronted by dr. wigglebutt at 8/31/2008 |

A link the the original post
A link the the blog serious/silly

HUMOR: The Prospector

This is a joke the Ernest T Spoon emailed to me. - OlderMusicGeek

An old prospector walks his tired old mule into a western town one day. He'd been out in the desert for about six months without a drop of whiskey, and was mighty dry.

He walked up to the first saloon he came to and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger walked out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

The gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, have you ever danced?"

The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never did dance. I just never wanted to."

A crowd had gathered by then and the gunslinger said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna' dance now," and started shooting at the old man' s feet. The old prospector was hopping around and everybody was laughing.

When the gunslinger fired his last bullet, he holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.

The old man reached up on the mule, drew his shotgun, and pulled both hammers back making a double clicking sound. The gunslinger heard the sound and everything got quiet. The crowd watched as the gunslinger slowly turned around looking down both barrels of the shotgun.

The old man asked, "Son, did you ever kiss a mule square on the ass?"

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No. But I've always wanted to."


The morals of this story are:
#1. Don't waste ammunition.
#2. Don't mess with old guys.

A link to other stuff Ernest T Spoon emailed to me

CULTURE/SOCIETY: My Daughter Obviously Never Saw "A Christmas Story"

This is from me, and not reprinted from somewhere else. - OlderMusicGeek

If you read my Twitter page, then you already know something about this. Or if you even read my Twitter updates up above or on the side.

But the other day, my daughter got her ice cream out of the fridge. I wasn't paying attention and was working on the computer.

Suddenly, I hear a "Helf! Helf!"

I don't know how my daughter did it, but she had the front of the spoon deep in the ice cream - and the end of the spoon stuck on her tongue.

Of course, I started laughing hysterically.

"It'th not funnay. It hurth!" she said holding the tub of ice cream up so it wouldn't pull on her tongue!

I told to go pour hot water on her tongue.

She came back a moment later, not much worse for wear.


But apparently she hadn't learned her lesson. She told she had got the spoon stuck on her hand later that night!

"Maybe I shouldn't leave the spoon in the ice cream?" she suggested.

"Might be a good idea," I agreed.

CULTURE/SOCIETY: A Couple Of Embarassing Man Moments

I found these in a Glamour magazine at work. If you want to know why I was reading Glamour, it was either Glamour or Us Weekly. I preferred Glamour. - OlderMusicGeek

"I called my girlfriend's house one day and said something dirty when she picked up. 'Excuse me?' asked the voice at the other end. 'Baby, you know what I'm talking about," I said. 'You must think this is my daughter,' replied her mom. I started apologizing like crazy. When my girlfriend got on the line, she set me straight: 'Let it go. It's cool. I'm grown.' Seems like I was the only one flustered."

"I used to hoard condoms from campus safe-sex events. Once, I had a date right after one. My phone rang while we were together, and when I pulled it out of my pocket, a condom slipped out. Then I reached into my bag for something and three more fell out. And my pockets were crinkling like crazy from all the other ones I'd stuff in them. I looked like a condom pinata. Finally, I knew I had to explain that I'm too cheap to buy my own. Thankfully, she laughed."

CULTURE/SOCIETY and ENTERTAINMENT: Six Word Memoirs

From NPR's Talk of the Nation...

Talk of the Nation
February 7, 2008

Once asked to write a full story in six words, legend has it that novelist Ernest Hemingway responded: "For Sale: baby shoes, never worn."

In this spirit of simple yet profound brevity, the online magazine Smith asked readers to write the story of their own lives in a single sentence. The result is Not Quite What I Was Planning, a collection of six-word memoirs by famous and not-so-famous writers, artists and musicians. Their stories are sometimes sad, often funny — and always concise.

The book is full of well-known names — from writer Dave Eggers ("Fifteen years since last professional haircut"), to singer Aimee Mann ("Couldn't cope so I wrote songs"), to comedian Stephen Colbert ("Well, I thought it was funny").

The collection has plenty of six-word insights from everyday folks as well: "Love me or leave me alone" was scrawled on a hand dryer in a public bathroom; "I still make coffee for two" was penned by a 27-year-old who had just been dumped.

Larry Smith, founding editor of Smith magazine, and Rachel Fershleiser, Smith's memoir editor, talk about the experience of capturing real-life stories in six words — no more, no less.

Fershleiser's six-word memoir? "Bespectacled, besneakered, read and ran around." And Smith's: "Big hair, big heart, big hurry."

some six-word memoirs listed on NPR and Smith magazine websites...
Being a monk stunk. Better gay. - Bob Redman
Couldn't cope so I wrote songs. - Aimee Mann
Made other laugh. I still hurt. - Nicole Brown
Miss you dad. You'd be proud. - LaBajista
Job stinks. Art doesn't pay. Dang. - Peter Nelson
Life too short, eat good cheese. - Vince Yanez
life's too short to not tease. - riley
worked my life to redeem blondes. - Casey Cote
Did I miss it again? Damn. - Angela
Freak accidents haven't killed me yet.... - Kevin S
Detest cubicle city. Music it is. - Ty
Tried to write; accounting is easier. - Sarah
Why does technology hate me? - Karli
Storybook life, get your own author - kelsey me!!!
Life's short, throw cats at people. - Collin Rue
"If I only had a brain." - Will G
Still waiting for those lottery millions - Julie
America the free...then came W. - Peter Schott
Once upon a time. The end. - Caroly
"It was a dark and stormy life!" oops - Lynn Marshall
No novel. An accountant. Go figure. - Allison Teasdale
Still able to laugh about it. - Pamela Morsi
Yes, I still believe in Santa. - Katie
Existentialist: None of this really matters! - Rich Schonthal
Giving birth made my life funny. - Sally Adams
wild girl became boring accountant mother - A Stern
"Just a janitor with a Masters Degree" - Tony
Busy. Ask again in 30 years. - Jean
"Honorable Mention" was my middle name. - Chuck Herndon
Stop. I need to start again. - Diane
Born butt first, nothing's changed since. - Jennifer
i like music but can't play - Jordan (Hey, that's my life! - OlderMusicGeek)
Six word sentence most significant accomplishment. - benedetto
I guess this is about it? - Joe
Three simple words: I love you. - John
When this was posed to my 8-year-old, she responded: Not much yet, but it's plenty. - amy
A little evil on the side. - Christopher Liebbe
Life was not a Neil Simon comedy. - Henry Ma
Machiavelli was right, so was Ghandi - Nate
I survived. Not waiting for rescue. - andyux
Life is not for the timid... - MAC!
geminis need more than six words! - Jan
My life: ferocious beginnings and endings. - Tee Potenta
Look, I can write a biography! - Zach
Painful nerd kid, happy nerd adult. - Linda Williamson
Never really finished anything, except cake. — C. Perkins
Been there, done that, had fun! - Along

As for mine... Interesting, but not as I planned. :)

A link to Smith's six-word memoir project
A link to the original Talk of the Nation piece
A link to NPR's Blog on the Nation: A Life... In Six Words
A link to The Bryant Park Project's show on six-worded memoirs

CULTURE/SOCIETY and HUMOR: Another Interesting Email Exchange at My Work

This is an just an email exchange I had with the same co-worker i discussed our boss telling us to have a good night with. :) - OlderMusicGeek

FRONT DOOR RECEPTIONIST: There was a Hy-Vee receipt found in our facility it can be claimed at the front desk. Thanks!

EX-MARINE CO-WORKER: Alright this lost and found is getting a little over zealous don't you think? I found a piece of lint and a peanut M&M under my desk. Any claimers?

ME: Yeah, I've lost my patience! Haven't they found it yet?

EX-MARINE CO-WORKER: If you give me a while, I'll let you know.

ME: And some claim I lost my sanity a long time ago! How about that?

ME: A scarecrow's brain, a tin man's heart and a lion's courage has been found. They can be claimed behind the curtain at the front desk. - The Wizard

ME: A new country had been founded on the eastern coast of The United States. It can be claimed at the front desk in Philadelphia.

ME: If someone find Jesus, are they going to take him to lost and found?

FRONT DOOR RECEPTIONIST: A key has been found outside in the parking lot. It can be claimed at the front desk. Thanks!

ME: Damn you (name deleted)! You got me laughing at reasonable lost and founds!

HUMOR: Feeling Lucky?

I got this from Tudor Rose's blog, Tales of a Librarian. Found it funny enough to pass on! - OlderMusicGeek

1. Go to google.com

2. Type in "Find Chuck Norris" into the search bar.

3. Click the "I'm feeling lucky" button.

4. Laugh

5. Rinse.

6. Repeat if necessary.