WARNING: Profanity is used. - OlderMusicGeek
Tales Of A Librarian
17 December 2007
evolve
One of the poems included in my BFA thesis ended with the lines You have become nothing more/than a life support system for your cunt. Telling the story of a very bad decision I made my senior year of college, those two lines represented what I thought was true of myself at the time: that I was worth nothing more than what could be shown between the sheets. That while I was intelligent and articulate enough, my mouth was only good for one thing and the only way I could keep myself in a man's life was to keep myself in his bed.
That was four years ago and there is no possible way to really express the amount and level of change that has taken place in those fours years. As it is, I don't like to reflect too much on the past, except in recognizing that past events and situations have made me who I am today. I've generally been more concerned with thinking about the future, but only recently have I started to think and appreciate the present. So, on the heels of the good doctor, here is my list of twenty things that make me who I am at this moment:
- I know who I am and what I need to be satisfied and happy in life
- But, more importantly, I'm no longer afraid to ask for those things that make me happy, and I found that I have the strength to leave a situation where that satisfaction isn't found.
- Despite what society and self-help books tell us, it is always better to be single than to settle.
- I have believed for years that I have always been a redhead, biology just fucked up and made me a blonde by accident.
- I know what it means to love and be loved, unconditionally. This is the first time I have ever been in a relationship where I feel loved inside and out, light and dark. This is also the first relationship that is balanced between lovers and friends, a balance I have spent years trying to create in other relationships but happened naturally and organically this time around.
- Beauty cannot be measured by a number on a scale.
- Chloe the Pussy is -- and I anticipate, will remain -- the best purchase I have ever made.
- I once participated in a threesome with two guys, though I stopped it halfway through. That was the exact moment where I stopped living life for my cunt and started living it for myself.
- It took me 26 years to get here, but I am financially independent from my parents.
- Moving to Kentucky was the best decision I ever made. I spent my entire life in the same town in Ohio, believing I'd never leave, too afraid to take the steps necessary. I now have no intention of going back: there are too many adventures in too many cities to be had.
- I am an atheist. Religion to me is a personal matter: I don't care what, or who, you believe in, just don't expect me to believe the same and don't approach the situation as though your believe and faith makes you better or smarter than me. I am more than willing to discuss my beliefs, as long as it's a discussion and not me being told I'm wrong and going to hell.
- I am also an existentialist. I am where I am today because of the choices I made, of following through on those choices and accepting whatever consequences came from them, not because of a deity's master plan for the cosmos.
- My friends mean more to me than my family.
- Sex is an expression of an individual and everybody should be allowed, and encouraged, to explore those things that make them tick, as unconventional as they may be.
- I believe the accepted term for my sexuality is "bi-curious," and I am more than okay never actually taking the curiosity into reality.
- I can have moments of OCD. I have been told this will serve me well in my future career as a librarian.
- I have never liked the phrase "making love," but only in the past few months have I learned what that phrase actually means.
- Leaving my ex was the hardest, and scariest, decision I ever made. A decision that took me three months to actually make out of that fear. But in doing it and surviving, I proved to myself that I have a lot more courage than I ever imagined.
- With enough patience and persistence, you can have the life you want, and have the people you want in it.
- I am, and always have been, a work in progress. I am fluid, constantly changing, always evolving. The day I stop evolving will be the day I have given up on myself. I hope to never reach that day, and believe I have people in my life who won't let me.
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