WARNING: The following makes use of profanity. - OlderMusicGeek
February 22, 2008
By Any Other Name
We've been remodeling a bathroom here at Sneeze headquarters. My favorite thing about the entire process has been reading the fantastic names companies have given their toilets.
While I dearly love that Kohler has a toilet named "Kathryn," my true favorite from them is "Memoirs."Gently whisper it to yourself. Memoirs...
So delicate. So French. Yes, Memoirs is where I would like to unload my filth.
You shouldn't be surprised by my joy to see the lofty names also extend to their toilet seats. I give you the majestic beauty of "Autumn Tides" by Kohler.Autumn Tides -- the leaves are turning... the waves are crashing... the poop is coming.
Autumn Tides -- a toilet seat for the discerning buttock.
dear the sneeze --
i read about toilets on your website today. will you please have a the sneeze contest and let us, the fans of the sneeze, try to come up with the best toilet name ever? and would you agree to re-name your toilet the name that wins the contest? maybe you could pick the top 5 best toilet names submitted, and then we could all vote for the #1 winner.
if you like this idea, great! if not, f*** you.(asterisks added by me, OlderMusicGeek)
--a sneeze reader (whom you kind of know personally)
p.s. i will start by suggesting "shit lagoon" -- but i have more.
Sure, why not. Our "Carrollton" from Toto is not a name to get excited about. And the toilet has not been installed yet, so once we have a new name, on the day it is installed I can christen it in more than one way.
Whether you have names to add or not, it would be helpful if you could mention any other submissions that you are liking, to help figure out the top 5.
The comment board is
The following is, believe or not, just the comments from this post on Sneeze's blog that I found funny enough to reprint. There is a LOT more. :) - OlderMusicGeek
In our dorm room - "Standard"
Posted by: Harrison at February 24, 2008 08:44 PM
"I'll be right back. Gotta drop some bombs off at Pearl Harbor."
Posted by: E=MC_Hammer at February 24, 2008 08:45 PM
Let's go with the classic: Charybdis
Posted by: Fox at February 24, 2008 08:45 PM
The Dookie Snatcher
Posted by: Dexter at February 24, 2008 08:47 PM
The Taming of the Poo (a nice Shakespearean name)
Posted by: Jesse at February 24, 2008 08:49 PM
Posted by: Courtney at February 24, 2008 08:50 PM
The Throne of Lost Souls
Posted by: Piccolo at February 24, 2008 08:52 PM
Gilligan's Isle (you know for those 3 hour 'tours').
Posted by: Dmatos at February 24, 2008 08:56 PM
Posted by: Ruth at February 24, 2008 09:00 PM
The Holy Grail
Posted by: Ruth at February 24, 2008 09:02 PM
Posted by: Curtis at February 24, 2008 09:09 PM
Posted by: KJ at February 24, 2008 09:10 PM
Well, it has "skirted styling" or as i like to say, "Kilted styling", so it really needs a Scottish name, cause as we all know, "if it's not Scottish, it's CRAP!"
Posted by: Steve...not "THE" Steve at February 24, 2008 09:12 PM
Oops I Did It Again
Processed Tree Brain Depository
The Eaten Food Memorial
Posted by: GUS at February 24, 2008 09:13 PM
I suggest you call the thing "Toilet." But you could Frenchify it to make it sound all haute. Or you could just go phonetic and call it Twah-let.
Here's a link to a website that analyzes the meaning of names. Here is their analysis of the name "Toilet."
Posted by: Justin at February 24, 2008 09:13 PMHere's a copy of the page from the link Justin submitted. - OlderMusicGeek
Your First Name of: Toilet
Click here for a report on the impact your first and last names combined have on your life. You will be amazed at our accuracy!
Although the name Toilet creates the urge to understand others, we emphasize that it causes an emotional intensity that is hard to control.
This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses in the fluid and nervous system.
Your name of Toilet gives you a highly sensitive, idealistic, and intuitive nature.
You could be expressive and creative in the arts, music, or drama and you have a great desire to help others.
Since you are not inclined to give due consideration to practical and business matters, you could miss out on reaching a level of financial success appropriate for your efforts and abilities.
You feel and sense much that you do not fully understand, and you can be deeply influenced through the thoughts of others without realizing just how you are being affected.
You are super-sensitive and intuitive.
Your full name creates the overall conditions in your life as well as your destiny. It is a very important factor. Click here for a report on the impact your first and last names combined have on your life. You will be amazed at the accuracy of this report!Would "The Velvet Revolver" be copyright or trademark infringement?
Just thinking about my toilet being called "The Velvet Revolver" brings a tear to my eye and bile to my throat.... but maybe it's just me...
Posted by: Suzi at February 24, 2008 09:18 PM
How about: "The Royal Flush"?
Posted by: Kevin at February 24, 2008 09:22 PM
Posted by: Marg at February 24, 2008 09:24 PM
Posted by: Shayne at February 24, 2008 09:27 PM
I submit for your approval: "Unicornicopia."
It's whimsical and makes me think of Thanksgiving (which, in turn, makes me poop). Posted by: Dixie at February 24, 2008 09:30 PM
"Xanadu" after that mansion in Citizen Kane. Or in Coleridge's poem... "in Xanadu did Kubla Khan a stately pleasure-dome decree."
Posted by: Frank at February 24, 2008 09:31 PM
When I read the arcticle that lead to the naming of your toilet, the writer said the "shit lagoon". I can't say I love that, but it reminded me of a spitoon.
I hereby offer "the shitoon".
Posted by: vic at February 24, 2008 09:36 PM
The Event Horizon
Posted by: Noah at February 24, 2008 09:38 PM
all i know is that one of the best pieces of vandalism i ever saw was the toilet at summer camp, where someone had stolen a sticker from elsewhere, and placed it on the inside lid of the toilet. the sticker read "We Recycle"
Posted by: judge mental at February 24, 2008 09:58 PM
also... when i was in italy, there were these minature construction vehicles to carry waste around called "dumpy 500." that was one of the best moments of my childhood.
Posted by: judge mental at February 24, 2008 10:00 PM
Posted by: Jen at February 24, 2008 10:17 PM
Toilets should have anthropomorphic scholarly names.
For our neighbors to the south:
Posted by: Joe schmo at February 24, 2008 10:27 PM
Gambino & Sons' Lie Detector & Water-Boarding Device
Posted by: Johnny "Silver Balls" Holiday at February 24, 2008 10:30 PM
...you may also consider naming it "The Casbah" When dropping the kids off at the pool doesn't sound right, we say "I'm off to rock the casbah" or "holy hell, i need to rock the casbah!"
Posted by: Shadrach at February 24, 2008 10:32 PM
Sly & The Family Stone!
Posted by: Harrison at February 24, 2008 10:39 PM
The Turdy Station
...based on the toilet manufacturer (Toto): Auntie BM
Posted by: LiteralDan at February 24, 2008 10:44 PM
"The Dream Catcher"
Posted by: Mike Y. at February 24, 2008 10:49 PM
"The Moan Throne"
Posted by: Bags at February 24, 2008 10:51 PM
end of competition.
Posted by: Austin at February 24, 2008 10:56 PM
William Shatner- that's brilliant! Or should I say, "ass"tounding!
Posted by: becky at February 24, 2008 11:17 PM
"Mr Hanky's House" -- Nod to South Park.
Posted by: Sauly at February 24, 2008 11:31 PM
William Shatner ... yeah, that's good - must be where the captain's log goes?
Here are some quick entries:
The Log Ride
Man, I'm so glad my education hasn't gone to waste!
Posted by: Spork3000 at February 24, 2008 11:53 PM
"Library Chair 2.8"
Posted by: Fishbrew (fill in cello player in the Tree Brains) at February 25, 2008 12:16 AM
Some of my ideas...
To Be Filed
The "Other" Recliner
Oh Shit Falls
Posted by: Celes at February 25, 2008 01:14 AM
The Swamp - As in "I'm just going to drop Yoda off at the swamp."
Posted by: Steve at February 25, 2008 01:19 AM
Home of the Whopper
Posted by: Matt at February 25, 2008 01:27 AM
I think I want to stick with the whole elegance that the company is going for, so my suggestion would be: "Moonlight Escapade"
Posted by: Derrick at February 25, 2008 02:11
...here are a few for you...
- Thermopolye ( the greek name of the Hot Gates from the Spartan refrence...you could even make a sign based on the stone plaque placed there "Stranger, Go tell the Spartans that here we 300 sat , and with spartan law did our doodie")
- Sweet relief
- The Final Frontier (but you could only call that right before you christen it...because haveing read wht you eat you will boldly go where no man has gone before)
a modifier to an earlier post
William Shatner should be shortened to The Shatner but pronounced Shat....(exstended over actted grunt)....nerrrrrrrrrrrrr (the r is pronounced in pronounced relief)
Posted by: Jason the Argonaught at February 25, 2008 02:48 AM
My vote is for "The Event Horizon" - since that's the whole point - you don't want whatever is in there to EVER come back!
For those not in the know about black holes - the event horizon is the point of no return as you approach a black hole. Once you cross it, you cannot get back out
Perhaps that suggests another name idea: "The Black Hole"
Posted by: Jeff at February 25, 2008 04:52 AM
All of the toilets in my house have "Church" on the seat. This has always amused me since it is the only "church" I attend regularly.
Posted by: Some other Steve at February 25, 2008 05:01 AM
The Fartress of Solipoo
Posted by: Ben at February 25, 2008 05:37 AM
The Confessional... it is a spiritual place after all.
Posted by: rich at February 25, 2008 05:37 AM
Revised!: The Fartress of Solidpoo
Posted by: Ben at February 25, 2008 05:38 AM
Where Hippos Go To Die
Posted by: mike at February 25, 2008 05:47 AM
Posted by: Maybalee at February 25, 2008 05:48 AM
Posted by: Heather at February 25, 2008 05:58 AM
Posted by: Andrew at February 25, 2008 06:13 AM
The oval office.
Posted by: anonymous at February 25, 2008 06:17 AM
The Tsunami Swirl
The Glory Hole
Posted by: Matt at February 25, 2008 06:24 AM
Posted by: Fattmatt at February 25, 2008 06:30 AM
Brutal 850-pound bear rape
Posted by: John at February 25, 2008 06:30 AM
As in "I'm going to have a few words with Senor Craphonso..." or "I shall make Senor Craphonso pay!!!!"
As a matter of fact, I might name my OWN toilet that....
Posted by: Todd at February 25, 2008 06:30 AM
Wait its made by Toto? Ok let me list some song titles by the band Toto
Better World Parts I and II
Bottom of your Soul
Burn Down The Mission ( considering what Steve Eats LOL)
Can't Stand It Any Longer
Could This Be Love
Don't Stop Me Now
Dying On My Feet
Endless ( We have all had those sessions)
Falling in Between
Georgey Progy (Bwahahahaha)
High Price of Hate
Hold The Line
Home of the Brave
I think I could Stand You Forever
I won't Hold You Back
I'll Be Over You
I'll Supply The Love
It's A Feeling
King Of The World
Let It Go
No End In Sight
On the Run
Right Part Of Me
Slipped Away (for when you dont quite make it)
St. George and the Dragon
Taint Your World
Takin' it Back
Til the End
We Made It
Posted by: Jason the Argonaught at February 25, 2008 06:30 AM
How appropriate that a band like Toto can have so many songs that can be related to poop! - OlderMusicGeek
Posted by: sally at February 25, 2008 06:50 AM
Posted by: sicasso at February 25, 2008 06:56 AM
Posted by: Lilacspecs at February 25, 2008 07:05 AM
Posted by: RSN at February 25, 2008 07:12 AM
SHITHAMMER FROM VALHALLA.
F-in' epic, right?(dirty word cut out by me, OlderMusicGeek)
Posted by: Fred at February 25, 2008 07:23 AM
The Border- as in better make a run for.
Posted by: Iris at February 25, 2008 07:24 AM
Fresh downloads on to Steve's "i-pot"
(Not STEVE JOB'S ipot.. though watch out for next year's model being thinner and lighter than ever.)
Posted by: Brian at February 25, 2008 07:25 AM
My grandmother used to refer to her chamber pot as the "THUNDER MUG."
I think "thunder mug" has genuine old-time-elegance, n'est-ce pas?
Posted by: Kerry at February 25, 2008 07:33 AM
The "Turd Hearse"
The "Down & Outhouse"
Posted by: Loren Ipsum at February 25, 2008 07:38 AM
Posted by: Brian at February 25, 2008 07:38 AM
This is the picture the link references to. - OlderMusicGeek
Posted by: Dmatos at February 25, 2008 07:45 AM
OK.. Here is the winner:
I know, I know, pure brilliance!
Posted by: Steve Carter at February 25, 2008 07:48 AM
Posted by: Jilly at February 25, 2008 07:48 AM
Steve carter, wouldn't that be
Posted by: not steve carter at February 25, 2008 07:55 AM
Posted by: J.R. Jenks at February 25, 2008 08:02 AM
Lincoln Log Cabin
Scooby Doo Doo
Posted by: Novaglarion at February 25, 2008 08:16 AM
Posted by: grimace at February 25, 2008 08:29 AM
I too am in the midst of a bathroom reno, well, in the midst of agreeing with my wife about what she likes in a bathroom.
The highlight of the reno and the reason I'm leaving things in her oh so capable hands is our new toilet. For some reason I laugh every time I see it and every time she mentions our Wall Hung toilet to a friend. I'm thinking of getting some sort of prosthesis to hang off the base and branding it the Well Hung toilet.
Thanks for proving me right that its not "a stupid idea" to name your toilet.
Posted by: Stevie Havoc at February 25, 2008 08:43 AM
my dad calls our the "Splatter Catcher 9000"...
Posted by: Tyler Durden at February 25, 2008 08:54 AM
"The Queen Mother"
Posted by: Amelia at February 25, 2008 08:55 AM
How about The Moment of Truth?
Posted by: Crystal at February 25, 2008 09:02 AM
The Turd'n'ator 500
Posted by: damama at February 25, 2008 09:04 AM
Posted by: compton at February 25, 2008 09:14 AM
The Executive Lounger.
Posted by: Steve Otis at February 25, 2008 09:14 AM
Posted by: Thomas at February 25, 2008 09:18 AM
My grandparents used to live in a really old farmhouse. I think it was built before indoor plumbing b/c they had a flaming toilet. Seriously. You closed the lid and the contents would burst into flames. Deal with THAT at 3 years-old.
Anyway, the name doesn't fit here, but it's actual name is too precious not to share.
Posted by: Matt Z at February 25, 2008 09:29 AM
Posted by: Ronnie with an R at February 25, 2008 09:34 AM
The Immaculate Throne of Morning Reflection
Posted by: Nicole at February 25, 2008 09:36 AM
"harry potty" anyone?
Posted by: j at February 25, 2008 09:37 AM
Posted by: juggernaut73 at February 25, 2008 09:38 AM
where can i get an exploding firey toilet? seriously someone tell me? I don't even want to know what happened when your pets died in that house....
Posted by: xs at February 25, 2008 09:41 AM
The Log Jam
Posted by: skst at February 25, 2008 09:43 AM
Posted by: Barf at February 25, 2008 09:48 AM
How about "Daddy's Twenty Minute Vacation"?
Posted by: Heidi at February 25, 2008 10:24 AM
Posted by: Maddox at February 25, 2008 10:30 AM
The Spud Removal Machine
Posted by: Stevie B. at February 25, 2008 10:35 AM
The Throne of Reason
Concentrated Evil Eliminator
Posted by: Jessica at February 25, 2008 10:44 AM
Posted by: Dan at February 25, 2008 11:11 AM
dianetics (the original container of crap)
Posted by: josh at February 25, 2008 11:21 AM
"Heat and Chaos"
Posted by: SerialPsychosis at February 25, 2008 11:22 AM
Well.. It's hard to name something without knowing it, I didn't name my cats for a while and just let them earn their names (they wound up being Bozo and Gravy). So what do we know about toilets? Well We know they are always there for you. Be it trouble down below at 3am or just the standard morning drop off, they're there, working around the clock 24/365.25. Like man's best friend, faithful... Loyal...
So here are some names that mean faithful/loyal or some synonym thereof.
Truman - Loyal Man
Taka - Dutiful
Enoch - Devoted; Dedicated
Another is Tua which means Behind. Which works on so many levels.
No matter what you choose to name your new pal I'm sure the relationship between man and seat will be a strong one.
Posted by: Josh at February 25, 2008 11:26 AM
Catcher of the Rye?
Posted by: cd at February 25, 2008 11:36 AM
A few more:
Dook of Hurl
Posted by: E at February 25, 2008 11:42 AM
Posted by: Eric at February 25, 2008 11:46 AM
My boyfriend and I thought it over and we've got:
The Ring of Fire
The Tax Refund
Posted by: Beach at February 25, 2008 12:14 PM
Posted by: Lanko at February 25, 2008 12:32 PM
Posted by: jam at February 25, 2008 12:46 PM
I've always called all my toilets by the same name:
Posted by: John at February 25, 2008 12:56 PM
see the wiki definition ... strangely appropriate.
"An altar is any structure upon which sacrifices or other offerings are offered for religious purposes, or some other sacred place where ceremonies take place."
By proxy the bathroom as a whole can become The Temple.
Posted by: Stevie Havoc at February 25, 2008 01:03 PM
Number 2 The Sequel
Posted by: Bobby Hay at February 25, 2008 01:06 PM
Posted by: Manda Eskimo at February 25, 2008 01:28 PM
Posted by: Ru at February 25, 2008 01:48 PM
Jet Propulsion Lavatory
Posted by: maija at February 25, 2008 03:27 PM
...there also could be a good, strong, ship's name, like "the defiant" or "dauntless."
i would also like to share that in cajun creole, what it's called has to do with what you're doing... it's called both the "PISSOIR" and the "SHITTOIR." i mean, that's brilliant.
Posted by: liz at February 25, 2008 03:58 PM
Ok, all this is great. But the real question is who here is man enough to get a Washlet? Seriously. www.cleanishappy.com You won't regret it.
Posted by: Rob at February 25, 2008 04:22 PM
It's better if you go to the website to see the video they have when it's loading, but here's what you see after it's loaded. - OlderMusicGeek
If you haven't already found the perfect toilet seat may I suggest the little number?
Just think of the possibilities for toilet paper!
Posted by: m. at February 25, 2008 04:23 PMThe page m. refers to looks something like this. - OlderMusicGeek
Home > Camouflage Bedding and Home Furnishings > Mossy Oak New Break-upTM Camo Bedding-On Sale! > Mossy Oak Camouflage Toilet Seat
You've gone this far so you might as well finish the Décor with a PVC Toilet Seat in silk screened Mossy Oak Break-up pattern. Fits most oblong shape toilets and comes with heavy duty steel hardware.
Note: If you have an older style round toilet this will not fit.
"Piero Manzoni was an Italian artist who died at the age of 29 in 1963. But before he went he got some excrement - his own - and put it in a tin can. 'Excellent!' he said, in Italian, 'I think I'll call it Merda d'artista!'
Manzoni's canned shit is well known now, or the idea of it is. It's an idea as powerful in the popular imagination as the idea of blank canvases. In fact the actual cans are not all that well known. There are many of them. Each one contains an amount of the artist's own shit. On the label it says 30 grams but of course no one can really tell. The labels are quite detailed and well designed, with the name of the work in three languages, plus the date, the artist's signature and the name of the collector who owns the individual can - all this is part of the look. PIERO MANZONI is printed on the label in light grey letters on a grey ground, with the name repeating so it makes a mantra of the artist's name, as well as a grey and yellow pattern.
When they were first sold they cost their weight in gold. Now they're worth much more. If one came on the market today it would cost about 30,000 pounds. So while a pile of them was shown in a vitrine in London's Serpentine Gallery recently, it was a pile of shit but it was nearly a million pound's worth. . .
Money, shit, art: the holy trinity. Manzoni took jokes to a higher plane than Duchamp, in that he elevated them to the spiritual plane which was somewhere Duchamp never really wanted to go....