HUMOR - How The Media Will Report The Apocalypse

http://www.buzzfeed.com/tomphillips/how-the-media-will-report-the-apocalypse

It’s the end of the world as we know it.

Tom PhillipsBuzzFeed Staff

In early 2014, a series of devastating catastrophes bring about Armageddon. Papers of record like the New York Times soberly report this news.

The Guardian tries to provide comprehensive live coverage of the end of days.

Of course, there’s still plenty of celebrity news to keep people occupied.

Others look for a positive message amidst the gloom.

…and naturally, NPR goes on a pledge drive.

For more: http://www.buzzfeed.com/tomphillips/how-the-media-will-report-the-apocalypse

POLITICS - Ain't that the truth?!

HISTORY - Phil Romano, the New York Cop Who Saved Martin Luther King Jr.’s Life

Just the letter opener might have changed history if Romano had not stopped a panicked onlooker who was reaching to pull it from King’s chest when the cops ran up. Howard told King not to cough or sneeze or even speak as they lifted him onto a chair and began to carry him out through a back exit.

http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2013/01/21/phil-romano-the-new-york-cop-who-saved-martin-luther-king-jr-s-life.html

HISTORY: 8 Surprising Things You Didn't Know About Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Although King is one of U.S. history's most widely chronicled individuals, there are aspects of his life that are less well-known than the pivotal speeches, the campaigns against Jim Crow city halls from Montgomery in 1955 to Memphis in 1968, and the dalliances that for some, tainted his personal life. King was as complex a figure as exists in our social narrative. He was a man conflicted by his commitment to a movement into which he was drafted against his better judgement and by the overwhelming demands to fulfill the role of human rights spokesperson. He was a husband and father who belonged to a people and a revolution, and the nation's most prominent advocate of nonviolence at a time when violence burned on urban streets, college campuses and in Southeast Asia.

http://www.alternet.org/activism/8-surprising-things-you-didnt-know-about-dr-martin-luther-king-jr

HUMOR: From "The Onion": Why Are We Hosting Thanksgiving?

From "The Onion"...

http://onion.com/bcWLiz

HUMOR: Nation Celebrates Full Week Without Deadly Mass Shooting

NEW YORK—Cheers filled the streets and American flags waved triumphantly through the air today as the nation turned out in full force to celebrate an entire week having passed since the last time a madman opened fire on innocent civilians in some kind of fatal mass shooting.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/nation-celebrates-full-week-without-deadly-mass-sh,29293/?ref=auto

HUMOR: Why The Easter Bunny has to be careful!

HUMOR and SPIRITUALITY/RELIGION: Christ Kills Two, Injures Seven In Abortion-Clinic Attack

I found this from The Onion through a link from GodlessGirl on Twitter. I edited it down some. For the complete article, click here. - OlderMusicGeek

Christ Kills Two, Injures Seven In Abortion-Clinic Attack
November 25, 1998 | Issue 34•17

HUNTSVILLE, AL – Jesus Christ, son of God and noted pro-life activist, killed two and critically wounded seven others when He opened fire in the waiting room of a Huntsville abortion clinic Tuesday.

Security guards at the Women's Medical Clinic of Huntsville were able to disarm the Messiah before He could reload His weapon, a secondhand Glock 9mm pistol that authorities said He purchased legally at a Jackson, MS, sporting-goods store. "Abortion is a sin," said Christ as He was led away in handcuffs. "It is an abomination in the eyes of Me." Witnesses said the attack, which took the lives of Dr. Nelson Woodring, 51, and clinic nurse Danielle Costa, 29, came from "out of nowhere."

"He walked up to the admissions desk and asked if He could see Dr. Woodring," receptionist Iris Reid said. "The next thing I knew, He was shouting Biblical verses and opening fire on everything moving."

"It was horrible," said injured clinic nurse Jessica Combs, recovering at a local hospital with bullet wounds to the leg and abdomen. "He put his hands over Dr. Woodring's head and told him He forgave him for his sins, and then He shot him right in the face." Huntsville police officials are not certain how the Messiah was able to bypass clinic guards and proceed undetected past security cameras and into the clinic waiting room, where He produced the gun from its hiding place in the folds of His robe. Federal investigators are similarly baffled, saying that the heavily armed Christ had moved in "mysterious ways."

Speaking to reporters from His holding cell, Christ, 33, said: "What if the Virgin Mary had decided to abort me? Certainly she must have been tempted to do so. After all, it wasn't even her decision to conceive me in the first place. But in the end, she made the right decision, bringing her pregnancy to term and giving the world a Savior. Blessed is she among women." According to legal experts, if convicted, Christ could face the death penalty.

"The state of Alabama has the death penalty, and this crime is certainly the sort that would be construed as a capital offense," University of Michigan law professor Arthur Lipscomb said. "With the right judge and jury, Christ could very well be put to death yet again."

Tuesday's shooting is not Christ's first brush with the law. On April 8, 29, He was arrested in the Roman province of Judea for alleged false claims to the throne of the Kingdom of Israel. In October 1997, He was arrested for plotting to mail anthrax-laced packages to two dozen abortion doctors across the U.S. "Abortion is an abomination. It is a sin. It is murder," Christ said. "I only did what any good Christian would have done."

A link to the complete article

Post On Another Blog

MOVIES/VIDEOS and MUSIC: If You Like Dr Horrible..." on OlderMusicGeek's Stupid Entertainment Stuff

Post On Another Blog

"MUSIC: Song Of The Day - Halloween Edition (Oct 24): "Dark Lady" By Cher" on OlderMusicGeek's Stupid Entertainment Blog

HUMOR: The Prospector

This is a joke the Ernest T Spoon emailed to me. - OlderMusicGeek

An old prospector walks his tired old mule into a western town one day. He'd been out in the desert for about six months without a drop of whiskey, and was mighty dry.

He walked up to the first saloon he came to and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger walked out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

The gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, have you ever danced?"

The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never did dance. I just never wanted to."

A crowd had gathered by then and the gunslinger said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna' dance now," and started shooting at the old man' s feet. The old prospector was hopping around and everybody was laughing.

When the gunslinger fired his last bullet, he holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.

The old man reached up on the mule, drew his shotgun, and pulled both hammers back making a double clicking sound. The gunslinger heard the sound and everything got quiet. The crowd watched as the gunslinger slowly turned around looking down both barrels of the shotgun.

The old man asked, "Son, did you ever kiss a mule square on the ass?"

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No. But I've always wanted to."


The morals of this story are:
#1. Don't waste ammunition.
#2. Don't mess with old guys.

A link to other stuff Ernest T Spoon emailed to me

Post On Another Blog

"TELEVISION/VIDEOS and COMICS: The Hulk Out List" on OlderMusicGeek's Stupid Entertainment Stuff

CULTURE/SOCIETY: Our Hidden Prejudism

This is from me, not reprinted from elsewhere. - OlderMusicGeek.

NPR's Talk Of The Nation had this interesting show about our hidden prejudisms. It was inspired by an article from Scientific American. On their blog for the show, The Blog Of The Nation, they had link to two tests to check your hidden biases.

This is my results of the first test -

Your data suggest a moderate automatic preference for Us compared to Them.

Depending on the magnitude of your result, your automatic associations may be described as 'slight', 'moderate', 'strong', or 'little to no preference'. How implicit associations affect our judgments and behaviors is not well understood and may be influenced by a number of variables. As such, the score should serve as an opportunity for self-reflection, not as a definitive assessment of your implicit thoughts or feelings. This and future research will clarify the way in which implicit thinking and feelings affects our perception, judgment, and action.

A link to The Project Implicit that has the test
I have to admit that I'm embarrassed that it is "moderate" instead of "slight".

I mean I knew I had some prejudisms and bigotry. I mean how can one be in this culture - or any culture - and not have some.

I mean even if we don't talk about the obvious ones, like blacks. I know of some other ones I have. I know I have a tendency to look down on rural people. I look down on poor people even though I'm not that well off - but I grew up in a middle class household. And I have a tendency to think that fundamentalists Christians think in a certain or particular way.

So I guess the more I think about this, the more I think it may be right.


Below are my results of the second test where you decide if someone has a gun and if you should shoot them -

Your Score: 280
Average reaction time:
Black Armed:799.6ms
Black Unarmed:1035.84ms
White Armed:801.2ms
White Unarmed:849.44ms

A link to the test, Shooter Affect

Well, here my racism for all to see. My time for seeing them as armed was equal - yay to me!

Then we see how much longer it took me to decide if a black was unarmed compared to a white - almost 1/4 as long! And I'm the father of a half-black child! Yikes!

Guess I still have a ways to go to take care of my own racism!

A link to The Talk Of The Nation show about our hidden biases
A link to The Blog Of The Nation on our hidden biases
A link to the Scientific American article

POLITICS: How to be a Good Democrat/Republican

I found this using StumbleUpon. It's from the blog, A Boy and His Computer. - OlderMusicGeek

Note: I didn't write the "How to be a Good Democrat" list, I received it in a forwarded e-mail, unattributed. I and one of my readers wrote the "How to be a Good Republican" list. See this blog post for more info.

How to be a good...

...Democrat:	...Republican:
You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.	You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread because people are evil and should be punished.
You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th-graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.	You have to believe that evolution is a myth (despite the evidence of biochemistry and the fossil record) but that Intelligent Design theory should be taught in schools.
You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese & North Korean communists.	You have to believe that there is no causal link between legal, easily-obtainable handguns and high murder rates.
You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.	You have to believe that unfunded arts and school programs are still subject to government control.
You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUVs.	You have to believe that global temperatures are completely unaffected by fossil fuel emissions, that the best way to save the national forests is to allow logging companies to cut down old-growth timber, and the best way to save endangered species is to allow trophy hunters and wildlife traders to import more of them.
You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.	You have to believe that homosexuality is evil (despite the fact that it occurs in nature) and that women should stay at home to cook and bear children.
You have to be against capital punishment but support abortion on demand.	You have to be against abortion but support capital punishment.
You have to believe that businesses create oppression, and governments create prosperity.	You have to believe that corporations never purposely hurt anyone to make money.
You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.	You have to believe that hunting requires an automatic rifle.
You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.	You have to believe that middle class income should be taxed, but capital gains and inherited wealth should not be.
You have to believe that the military, not corrupt politicians, start wars.	You have to believe that war is an acceptable solution to any economic or social problem.
You have to believe that the military is another political porkbarrel for wealthy campaign contributors of certain politicians.	You have to believe that everyone should support the troops - except when it comes to pay or benefits.
You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.	You have to believe the NRA is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.	You have to believe that taxes are for poor and middle class people, not the rich.
You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E.Lee, and Thomas Edison.	You have to believe that Oliver North and Monica Lewinsky are more important to American history than Martin Luther King and Robert Kennedy.
You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.	You have to believe that affirmative action is wrong, because everyone knows there's no more racism in America.
You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and really a very nice person.	You have to believe that Ann Coulter is normal and really a very nice person.
You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.	You have to believe that the only reason supply-side economics hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.
You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and sex offender belonged in the White House.	You have to believe liberals telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and draft-dodger belongs in the White House.
You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.	You have to believe that all Americans should be white heterosexual Christians.
You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese government is somehow in the best interest of the United States.	You have to believe that illegal Republican Party funding by corporations is somehow in the best interest of the United States.
You have to believe that this letter is part of a vast, right-wing conspiracy.	You have to believe that the media are biased toward liberals, despite the fact that all the major media outlets are owned by ultra-rich conservatives.

ENTERTAINMENT and CULTURE/SOCIETY: Looney Tunes and The War on Terror

This is a conversation I ever heard in a virtual world. - OlderMusicGeek

woman: don't make me drop anvils on your head
man: hehe
man: I wish we could do that in real life
man: that and ride acme rockets
woman: me too
woman: and imprint your face in shovels and frying pans :)
man: omg yes
man: I wouldn't have a working frying pan in the house
woman: and survive dynamite explosions :)
woman: i wish i had a beak that would spin around when shot :)
man: don't forget atomic wedgies
woman: lol
man: and you can stop a gun just by putting your finger in the barrel
woman: and not fall if you don't look down :)
man: man
man: the war on terror would be screwed if we were all looney tunes
woman: lol
woman: whatcha looking for sheik?
woman: evil satanic rabbit is in this hole!
man: gates to bush: they keep putting their fingers in our guns!
woman: shhhh - be vewy vewy quiet, we're hunting osama!

CULTURE/SOCIETY: 1967 Vs 2007

I have received this piece of crap in the mail at least 3 times now, if not 4. So the next person who sends it to me is getting this as their response. My responses are in italics. - OlderMusicGeek

1967 vs. 2007

Scenario: Jack goes quail hunting before school, pulls into school parking lot with shotgun in gun rack.

1967 - Vice principal comes over to look at Jack's shotgun. He goes to his own car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.

2007 - School goes into lock-down, and FBI is called. Jack is hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.

This is, of course, so silly. What kind of idiot thinks a kid would use a gun on other kids in school. Everybody knows that could never really happen.

And even if it did, nobody would blame the principal for letting a kid have a gun at the school!

And people are traumatized, who cares. Let them fail classes or be too frazzled to teach properly!

These are the same kind of idiots who want us to spend money reinforcing buildings because they actually think someone would fly an airplane into them!

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.

1967 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up best friends.

2007 - Police called. SWAT team arrives. Johnny and Mark are arrested and charged with assault. Both are expelled even though Johnny started it.

Yeah, let kids fight. We know that's the best way to solve our problems. Especially since kids carry knives and guns now.

And Mark was probably perfectly innocent anyway. Like when kids fight in a family. We know ONLY ONE is COMPLETELY at fault!

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Scenario: Jeffrey won't be still in class, disrupts other students.

1967 - Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by the Principal. He returns to class, sits still, and does not disrupt class again.

2007 - Jeffrey is diagnosed with A.D.D. and given huge doses of Ritalin. Be comes a zombie. School gets extra money from State because Jeffrey has a learning disability.

Once again, we all know violence is the only way to solve a problem!

And we know all kids on Ritalin are zombies and never do better in class.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his neighbor's car and his dad gives him a whipping with his belt.

1967 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.

2007 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy is placed in foster care and joins a gang. State psychologist convinces Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself, and their dad goes to prison. Billy's Mom has affair with psychologist.

Like I said, violence is of course the answer. It's better for a kid to grow up with a parent who beats the crap out of him than with foster parents. Everybody knows that!

And all that abuse is just made up anyway! It never really happens. And when one kids, we know that the others are almost never abused. The abuser just concentrates on one.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Scenario: Mark has a headache and brings some aspirin to school.

1967 - Mark takes aspirin in lunchroom and headache goes away.

2007 - Police called. Mark is expelled from school for drug violations. Car is searched for drugs and weapons.

These idiots who thinks kids would use a gun on other students also think that kids would bring drugs in aspirin bottles and share them with other kids. Where do they get this crazy stuff?

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Scenario: Pedro fails English in high school.

1967 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college.

2007 - Pedro's cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro's English teacher. English banned from core curriculum. Pedro is given a diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.

Well, of course, all the foreigners who have come American never learned English here. That's why we all speak Lakota and Apache and Hopi.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from 4th of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a fire ant hill.

1967 - Ants die.

2007 - Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, Homeland Security, and FBI called. Johnny is charged with domestic terrorism. The FBI investigates parents; siblings are removed from home; computers are confiscated. Johnny's dad goes on Terror Watch List and is never allowed to fly again.

I love having kids blow things up. Nothing like losing a few fingers to learn a lesson!

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Scenario: Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher who hugs him to comfort him.

1967 - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.

2007 - Teacher is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces three years in state prison. Johnny undergoes five years of therapy.

Once again, these same fools who think kids would shoot at other kids and give other kids drugs – think that a teacher could do something sexual towards a student. When have we ever heard of anything like that happening?

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

AND PEOPLE WONDER WHY THIS COUNTRY IS SUCH A MESS ... DUHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Exactly duh! Don't people know that running from guns, getting beaten up by bullies and parents, getting addicted to drugs, and sexually abused builds character! Sheesh!

CULTURE/SOCIETY: Do You Remember?

This is an email from Ernest T Spoon. He's a little older than me, so he probably remembers this stuff better than me. :) - OlderMusicGeek, but not that old! :)

The perfect age is somewhere between old enough to know better and too young to care. Remember any of these?

Candy cigarettes

Plastic Army Men

Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles

Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes

Blackjack, Clove and Teaberry chewing gum

Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers

Chief Pontiac Signs

P.F. Fliers

Telephone numbers with a word prefix...(Raymond 4-601). Party lines

Howdy Doody

45 RPM records

45 rpm spindles

Metal ice cubes trays with levers

Roller-skate keys

Cork pop guns

Marlin Perkins

Drive in Movies

Drive in restaurants

Car Hops

Studebakers

Washtub wringers

The Fuller Brush ManMy dad was a Fuller Brush man!


Sky King

Reel-To-Reel tape recorders

Tinkertoys

Erector Sets

Lincoln Logs

15 cent McDonald hamburgers

5 cent packs of baseball cards

Penny candy

25 cent a gallon gasoline

Jiffy Pop popcorn

5 cent stamps

Gum wrapper chains

5 cent Cokes

Cigarettes for Christmas

Falstaff Beer

Burma Shave signs

Brownie camera

Flash bulbs

TV Test patterns

Old Yeller

Chef Boy-ar-dee

Timmy and Lassie

Ding Dong Avon calling!!

Brylcreem

Aluminum Christmas Trees

If you can remember most or all of these, then you have lived!!!!!!!

Pass this on to anyone who may need a break from their "grown-up" life . . ..I double-dog-dare-ya!