HUMOR: How Many Dogs Does It Take To Change A Lightbulb

I got this as an email. - OlderMusicGeek

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?

1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?



2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.





3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!






4. Rottweiler: Make me.







5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.







6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!





7. German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation



8. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.






9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb!






10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.






11. Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?





12. Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...






13. Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.




How many cats does it take to change a light bulb?
Cats do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is:

'How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?'

ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE STAFF!

HUMOR and SPIRITUALITY/RELIGION: Two Jesus Jokes, One Bunny Joke and a Video about "That Darn Jesus"

I meant to post this yesterday, but my daughter got a video game - so I didn't stand a chance!

This is from me, not reprinted from somewhere else. Though I didn't make up the jokes. :) WARNING: Jesus is used for humor here and some sexuality is suggested. - OlderMusicGeek.

Jesus is up on the cross.
He looks in the distance. Then looks at Peter.
"Peter, you got to come up here."
So Peter rushes for the cross.
A Roman punches him in the nose and knocks him down.
"Peter, you really got to get up here!"
Peter rushes again. He ducks under the fist of the guard.
But another guards comes and smacks him back with a spear.
"No, Peter, I mean it. You have get over here."
Peter rushes once more. Ducks under the fist and jumps over the spear. A third guard comes, but he slides between the legs.
He scrambles to Jesus hanging on the cross.
Anxiously, he looks up at Jesus and asks, "Yes, Lord, what is it?"
"Peter, look," Jesus says pointing with his head. "You can see your house from here!"

This next joke is visual, so I filmed it...
Q: Why did they crucify Jesus instead of stoning him?
A: Because it's easier to do this... than this.

I actually got this one from my mother - though I don't think she'd approve of the above jokes or the video below. :)
Q: Why does The Easter Bunny hide the eggs?
A: Because he doesn't want anybody to know he's doing the chicken!

And finally the video about that darn Jesus. I don't believe the beginning part is true. I looked it up on the internet and couldn't find anything. Plus, the station has FIVE call letters. Makes it doubt the authenticity of the beginning statement.


A link to all my Easter posts