HUMOR - Hell Now A Thriving Epicenter Of Gay Culture

THE MALEBOLGE, NETHER REGIONS OF DARKNESS—Noting the incredible rate at which the community has grown, sources confirmed Thursday that Hell, the Endless Kingdom of Misery, is now a booming haven of gay culture...

“I’ve only been here for a few months, but I’ve already fallen in love with it,” said 49-year-old Daniel Edelson, adding that he has already befriended hundreds of fellow gay men and women in the accursed underworld, all of whom have welcomed him with open arms. “The streets of fire and brimstone are full of so many great cafés, restaurants, bakeries, independent bookstores, and of course plenty of gay bars and clubs. There’s just so much to do.”

“My favorite place is this wonderful little promenade along the River Styx, where couples always take walks together on the weekends,” continued Edelson. “I’d say this is easily the most LGBT-friendly place I’ve ever lived.”...

Hell has been widely celebrated by gay rights leaders for its far-reaching acceptance of alternative lifestyles, and residents told reporters it is incredibly common to see a rainbow flag hanging over various shop awnings, in car windows, or atop thrones of blood-soaked bones and rotting flesh. Additionally, the Inferno’s Gay Pride Parade, held every July in the Second Circle, is noted for its extravagance and high attendance rate...

“The gay community has really flourished here, and I have to say, they’ve been great for the place,” said Nephirem the Malevolent, a 10,000-year-old, 70-foot-tall minotaur who has resided in hell since rising from the ashes of a smokeless flame. “At the end of the day, they’re just like anyone else. Everyone has the right to express their love for whomever they want. They don’t bother me in the slightest, and if anything, we in the Dark Lord’s Army encourage any and all public displays of affection between same-sex couples.”

To read more - http://www.theonion.com/articles/hell-now-a-thriving-epicenter-of-gay-culture,33928/

SPIRITUALITY/RELIGION and POLITICS: God Hates Shrimp

HUMOR and SPIRITUALITY/RELIGION: Islam vs. Christianity

I got this from a link from GodlessGirl on Twitter. - OlderMusicGeek

SPIRITUALITY/RELIGION and ENTERTAINMENT: What If Someone Punched Jesus In The Face?

I found this this through GodlessGirl's blog. - OlderMusicGeek

Post On Another Blog

"MUSIC: Song Of The Day - Halloween Edition (Oct 12): "Highway To Hell" By AC/DC" on OlderMusicGeek's Stupid Entertainment Blog

ENTERTAINMENT: George Carlin Died

This is from me, NOT some reprinted from somewhere else. - OlderMusicGeek

Some people have said George Carlin has passed on or that we lost him. Well, neither are true. He's dead, maybe even screaming up at us.


I have to admit I haven't listen or watched George Carlin much in the last 20 years.

And that's unfortunate, because from what I have seen and read, he was still putting out some very good and funny material.


I guess in some ways, I had felt I had outgrown George Carlin. George said, "I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately." And that was great in my teens and 20's.

But as you get older, you find rebelling for it's own sake doesn't seem that fun. I remember an interview with Jon Waters, a director who did many gross films in his youth. The interviewer asked him about how his movies weren't the same now that he is older. I don't remember his exact words, but he said something along the lines of making wild films that are gross in your 20's is fun - doing it in your 40's is pathetic.

That's kind the way I felt about listening to George Carlin. I thought I'm willing to stand up for what I believe in and take the heat, but I'm not interested in just shocking people.

And that's what my friends and I used George for, shocking people. "Hey, listen to this." "Listen to this comedian rattle off these cuss words." George Carlin and Cheech and Chong were our mild, white, midwestern way of rebelling! We loved it because we knew our parents and teachers didn't!

Well, when I didn't need to shock anybody anymore, I thought there was no need for George. Unfortunately, what I didn't realize - was that George wasn't shocking people just for shock's sake either. George was also standing up for what he believed in and taking whatever heat came with it.

So then after a few interviews and a couple of HBO specials, I finally realized that. But I still never watched him much. "Ehh, I catch it later. I don't have the time now." Unfortunately, now that there will be no new material, I might be able to catch up on his stuff.

George Carlin didn't believe in an afterlife. Hopefully, he's wrong, because he deserves a good place in it.

George Carlin’s Secret News from ‘When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops’
Announcer: Good Evening ladies and gentlemen, it’s time for the secret news.
Ssshhh.
Here’s the secret news:
All people are afraid.
No one knows what they’re doing.
Everything is getting worse.
Some people deserve to die.
Your money is worthless.
No one is properly dressed.
At least one of your children will disappoint you.
The system is rigged.
Your house will never be completely clean.
All teachers are incompetent.
There are people who really dislike you.
Nothing is as good as it seems.
Things don’t last.
No one is paying attention.
The country is dying.
God doesn’t care.
Ssshhh.

A link to George Carlin's home page
An interview with George Carlin from NPR's Fresh Air

HUMOR, POLITICS and SPIRITUALITY/RELIGION: Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian

I found this using StumbleUpon. It's from an atheist sight with the understanding name of EvilBible.com. - OlderMusicGeek

Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian

10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!

6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."

3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.

The EvilBible.com website
The original page of the top ten list

HUMOR and CULTURE/SOCIETY: Never on a Hallmark Card

Another email from The Sassy Witch. - OlderMusicGeek

My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat

When I looked at the tire...

I noticed your cat.

Sorry!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be.

But don't fret about it...

She moved in with me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Looking back over the years
that we've been together,

I can't help but wonder...

"What the hell was I thinking?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your husband.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How could two people as beautiful as you
Have such an ugly baby?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've always wanted to have
someone to hold,
someone to love.

After having met you ..

I've changed my mind.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you.

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
That you're not here to ruin it for me.

####################################################

Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go...

Would you like to take this knife out of my back?

You'll probably need it again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Happy birthday! You look great for your age.

Almost Lifelike!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When we were together,
you always said you'd die for me.

Now that we've broken up,

I think it's time you kept your promise.

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

We have been friends for a very long time ..
let's say we stop?

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I 'm so miserable without you
it's almost like you're here.

=====================================================

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.

Did you ever find out who the father was?

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Your friends and I wanted to do
something special for your birthday.

So we're having you put to sleep.

))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.

Look at the bright side,

it's really good pay.

CULTURE/SOCIETY: An Interesting Questionaire from My Kid Brother

My kid brother, Harmonica23, sent me this on MySpace. I found it pretty amusing, and he said I could pass onto you, my faithful readers. Enjoy! - OlderMusicGeek

So, every survey mcbulletin thingy I see is always the same. So, I made a survey, that actually listens and responds to you! Check it out! THE OFFICIAL SURVEY OF CARWASH.

1.) WHOA, don't sneak up on me like that. Who are you?
Apparently not a very good Ninja

2.) Who gave ya this?
Your mom in exchange for sexual favors

3.) Well, that person is pretty cool, might as well get ta know ya better, where ya from, chum?
The 7th Ring of Hell

4.) You still there now?
I'm a permanent fixture

5.) Oh yeah, why is that?
Because I never leave

6.) Sweet, good to know. Do you have any questions for me?
Nope

7.) Oh yeah, what is it?
What are you some kind of moron?

8.) I'm not going to answer that. Where did that question come from?
Well....You were being a moron

9.) Well, none the less, it was pretty insulting. So let's pick a less controversal topic: How do you feel about abortions?
I like them with a pinch of salt

10.) I KID, I KID. I don't really want to know that. What's something I would normally ask someone?
Did I miss the short bus again??

11.) That was rhetorical. Wait your turn. Hey, if you had a super power, what would it be?
The power to be a better Ninja so I can kill people and not get trapped into having conversations with them.

12.) That's kinda lame, you got something better than that? Or how about weirder?
How about sonic farts that blow peoples ear drums

13.) That was a hoot and a hollar! If you had superpowers, would you use them for good, or for evil?
Eh, just as a party gag

14.) I knew you would choose that, it's like...we know each others thoughts... Was that creepy?
Not as creepy as the fact that your chummin' up to the guy that was sent to kill you.

15.) I apologize. So...you single?
None of your damn business

16.) Well that sounds super-duper. What attracts you to the opposite sex?
Oh so your just gonna assume I'm straight huh? There is such thing as gay Ninjas ya know.

17.) Yeah, sense of humor is important, but I usually just go by breast size. What? Was that shallow?
Yeah, boobs are a good time

18.) What do you do for a living?
Duh, hello, Ninja assassin

19.) Oh my gosh, that sounds pretty darn interesting, you like it?
Not always *cough*

20.) Did you have to get some sort of training or anything?
No, I just turned in an application and Bam! I was a Ninja

21.) Rad. So, whats you favorite professional sport?
Ninja Golf

22.) Yeah, me too. Ever been to a sporting event?
Me and couple other Ninjas from the office play every Sunday

23.) Exciting! How old were ya?
Every Sunday!

24.) Wow, you must have been pumped! The problem with sporting events is the beer always sucks. Super foamy 12 dollar beer night. Are you a beer drinker?
I shouldn't because it effects my work hence this conversation I'm having with you

25.) Whats your favorite overall beverage?
Red Bull. Ninjas gots to be alert

26.) What about the environment? Think we should do more to improve it, or haven't we jacked it up to improve it yet?
I can usually blend into any enviroment

27.) I'm hungry, you hungry?
No, I'm very skilled at suppressing my hunger

28.) Where's your favorite place to eat?
Ninja Lu's Rice Bowl

29.) Sounds fantastic! Is it expensive?
They have very reasonable lunch specials

30.) Well, that sounds fair enough, what do you recommend?
Assassin's Delight

31.) I'll have to try it. Are you going to take me?
Nah, you're not gonna live too much longer

32.) Are you picking up the check?
I guess so

33.) Oh, aren't you the pal? Seen any good movies lately?
3 Ninjas, best movie ever

34.) Yeah I heard that was awesome, 'specially that one part with that one dude, who was doin' stuff...totally sweet, I think I might have ruined it for a few people. Sorry, you forgive me?
That part rocks socks!

35.) Seen any bad movies lately?
I only watch Ninja Movies....So, no!

36.) That's always cool when that happens! Do you think leaving a survey at 36 questions is weird?
Well....you have no choice because I'm killing you now

Too bad, cause I'm doin' it. I guess I'll check ya later. Have fun doin' stuff that you like to do.

Remember, Carwash always says to bring a buddy!