HUMOR: I bet their story isn't better!

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"MUSIC: Songs Of The Day - Halloween Edition (Oct 26): "Edgar Allan Poe" By Lou Reed And "The Raven" By The Alan Parsons Project" on OlderMusicGeek's Stupid Entertainment Stuff

CULTURE/SOCIETY and ENTERTAINMENT: Six Word Memoirs

From NPR's Talk of the Nation...

Talk of the Nation
February 7, 2008

Once asked to write a full story in six words, legend has it that novelist Ernest Hemingway responded: "For Sale: baby shoes, never worn."

In this spirit of simple yet profound brevity, the online magazine Smith asked readers to write the story of their own lives in a single sentence. The result is Not Quite What I Was Planning, a collection of six-word memoirs by famous and not-so-famous writers, artists and musicians. Their stories are sometimes sad, often funny — and always concise.

The book is full of well-known names — from writer Dave Eggers ("Fifteen years since last professional haircut"), to singer Aimee Mann ("Couldn't cope so I wrote songs"), to comedian Stephen Colbert ("Well, I thought it was funny").

The collection has plenty of six-word insights from everyday folks as well: "Love me or leave me alone" was scrawled on a hand dryer in a public bathroom; "I still make coffee for two" was penned by a 27-year-old who had just been dumped.

Larry Smith, founding editor of Smith magazine, and Rachel Fershleiser, Smith's memoir editor, talk about the experience of capturing real-life stories in six words — no more, no less.

Fershleiser's six-word memoir? "Bespectacled, besneakered, read and ran around." And Smith's: "Big hair, big heart, big hurry."

some six-word memoirs listed on NPR and Smith magazine websites...
Being a monk stunk. Better gay. - Bob Redman
Couldn't cope so I wrote songs. - Aimee Mann
Made other laugh. I still hurt. - Nicole Brown
Miss you dad. You'd be proud. - LaBajista
Job stinks. Art doesn't pay. Dang. - Peter Nelson
Life too short, eat good cheese. - Vince Yanez
life's too short to not tease. - riley
worked my life to redeem blondes. - Casey Cote
Did I miss it again? Damn. - Angela
Freak accidents haven't killed me yet.... - Kevin S
Detest cubicle city. Music it is. - Ty
Tried to write; accounting is easier. - Sarah
Why does technology hate me? - Karli
Storybook life, get your own author - kelsey me!!!
Life's short, throw cats at people. - Collin Rue
"If I only had a brain." - Will G
Still waiting for those lottery millions - Julie
America the free...then came W. - Peter Schott
Once upon a time. The end. - Caroly
"It was a dark and stormy life!" oops - Lynn Marshall
No novel. An accountant. Go figure. - Allison Teasdale
Still able to laugh about it. - Pamela Morsi
Yes, I still believe in Santa. - Katie
Existentialist: None of this really matters! - Rich Schonthal
Giving birth made my life funny. - Sally Adams
wild girl became boring accountant mother - A Stern
"Just a janitor with a Masters Degree" - Tony
Busy. Ask again in 30 years. - Jean
"Honorable Mention" was my middle name. - Chuck Herndon
Stop. I need to start again. - Diane
Born butt first, nothing's changed since. - Jennifer
i like music but can't play - Jordan (Hey, that's my life! - OlderMusicGeek)
Six word sentence most significant accomplishment. - benedetto
I guess this is about it? - Joe
Three simple words: I love you. - John
When this was posed to my 8-year-old, she responded: Not much yet, but it's plenty. - amy
A little evil on the side. - Christopher Liebbe
Life was not a Neil Simon comedy. - Henry Ma
Machiavelli was right, so was Ghandi - Nate
I survived. Not waiting for rescue. - andyux
Life is not for the timid... - MAC!
geminis need more than six words! - Jan
My life: ferocious beginnings and endings. - Tee Potenta
Look, I can write a biography! - Zach
Painful nerd kid, happy nerd adult. - Linda Williamson
Never really finished anything, except cake. — C. Perkins
Been there, done that, had fun! - Along

As for mine... Interesting, but not as I planned. :)

A link to Smith's six-word memoir project
A link to the original Talk of the Nation piece
A link to NPR's Blog on the Nation: A Life... In Six Words
A link to The Bryant Park Project's show on six-worded memoirs

HUMOR: A Pirate’s Night Before Christmas

Well, mateys, you should be knowin' that I be havin' a likin' for the Pirate talk. So I be showin' ye scallywags t'is here poem that I be finding by googling "pirate" and "Twas the Night Before Christmas". Merry Christm's! - OlderMusicGeek

A Pirate’s Night Before Christmas by David Ruffin

'Twere the night before Christmas and far out ta sea,
The Pirates was sleepin’ as snug as could be.
“Cept me, the lookout, I’m walkin’ the deck.
I knew if I didn’t they’d sure stretch me neck.

So now you can imagine it was quite a surprise
When a light in the distance come unto me eyes.
I peered thru the spyglass, then let out a hoot,
For out on the billows I spied some old koot.

There was nary a reindeer, and neither a sleigh,
But eight silver dolphins was pullin’ a red dingy my way.
And there at the tiller was ol’ cap’n Nick,
Who called to them dolphins and that did the trick.

Yo Ho Teach, Yo Ho Bonnet, Argh Conditt and Tew
Avast Moody and Roberts, Rackham and Every, too
Over those white caps, now heave along side.
And there by the gun-ports, the dingy he tied.

I run to the railin’ and peered down the side
Then scurried back aft ‘hind the capstan to hide.
And whil’st I was peekin’ a seabag come flyin’,
Heaved to the deck by ol’ Nick, I’m not lyin’.

Then right over the railin’ that dog comes a slidin’
And rolls cross the deck while me time I’m just bidin’.
He tries to stand upright, that scurvy old bastard
But falls in the scuppers, the old fart was plastered.

He was fat as a lard tub, with only one eye
And a great big ol’ stump hung below his left thigh.
A hook for a hand shone in the moon’s glow
And he stank like a they bilges or a Port Royal ‘Ho

His coat it was tattered, his boot, not so shiney
And his trousers hung low, I could just see his hiney.
In the braids of his beard I could see some burned matches
And I’m thinkin’ it ‘bout time I battened me hatches.

I crawled past the mizzen and was headed below
When right over the railin’, some chunks he did blow.
Then he turned with a smile that showed off his last tooth
And scratched at his crotch, My God! He’s uncouth.

But he jacked up his trousers and he turned to his bag
And grabbed out a present and was readin’ the tag.
A pistol for Captain, for the Bosun a whistle,
For the swabby a new brush that had only one bristle.

He kept at his labor ‘till he emptied his sack
Then run off to the galley ta find him a snack.
But instead of a cookie or some jam on a bun,
He stumbled back topside with a bottle of Rum.

I thought he had missed me but I was mistaken.
He winked his good eye towards where I stood a shakin’.
He stuck a fat finger inside his red nose
And pulled out a booger which he flicked at his toes.

He glanced round the deck to take stock of his work
Tossed over his seabag and turned with a jerk
He reached in his pocket and rolled him a fag
Then lit it and leaned on the rail for a drag

As I stood entranced the rail give a creak
The splash down below told me Old Nick was takin’ a leak.
He adjusted his mainmast and shook off his boot
I called over to him, “Yo, thanks for the loot!”

He saluted back at me, then sprung into motion
But he missed the red dingy and fell in the ocean.
Which startled the dolphins, but he grabbed hold the line,
Shoutin', “Merry Christmas, ye bugger. Don’t worry. I’m fine!”

A ship ta the original site of yonder poem

T'is here be anoth'r version...



A vessel ta all me Christmas an' holiday posts

May ye be havin' a happy Christmas and/or Boxing Day and/or Kwanzaa and/or Hannakah and/or Bodhi Day and/or Sanghamitta Day and/or Shabe Cheleh and/or Makara Sankranti and/or Junkanoo and/or Dong Zhi and/or Toji and/or Soyal and/or Yule and/or Seva Zistane and/or Alban Arthan and/or Long Night and/or Mean Geimrech and/or Brumalia and/or Dies Natalis Solis Invicti and/or Saturnalia and/or Lenaea and/or Wren Day and/or Tekufah Tevet and/or Winter Solstice and/or ChriFSMas and/or any other December or winter solstice holidays I be missin'!

Oh, and Bah Humbug ta those scurvy dogs who not be celebratin' th' holidays! :)