HUMOR: Ronald McDonald's tragic back story...

CULTURE/SOCIETY: The Scent Of Seduction With A Hint Of Flame-Broiled Meat

Well, with Valentine's Day coming up, I thought I present this in case you missed it last Christmas. - OlderMusicGeek

Have you always wanted to smell like a hot juicy burger from Burger King? Burger King is making that dream come true without you have to rub those burgers on yourself. - The Post Chronicle: Burger King Fragrance: Cologne Smells Like A Juicy Burger

If men cannot get enough of Burger King’s grilled meat burgers and Whoppers, they can now use Burger King’s new body spray called Flame to smell like its burgers. - Trendite: Burger King Launches BK Flame Body Spray For Men (www.FireMeetsDesire.com)

The novel idea by burger king has come up to welcome Christmas and new year holiday season where Flame could be great gifts for those meat-loving men as it is being promoted as “the scent of seduction with a hint of flame-broiled meat“. - Thandian News: Burger King launches ‘Flame’ men Cologne, available at firemeetsdesire.com

After learning about Burger King®’s recent launch of FLAME™, a body spray that purportedly carries the scent of BK’s own flame-broiled hamburger’s, I began to wonder whether or not the fast-food giant’s legal team had considered fully the liability issues that might accompany the use of this product by BK loyalists...

My concern, however, lies in the possibly-unintended result of a customer’s using this product — let’s call it the “FLAME™ Effect.” Instead of attracting women a la the “AXE Effect,” a person’s use of FLAME™ is likely to attract the unwanted attention of carnivorous animals — domesticated and non-domesticated alike — who happen to be downwind from the person wearing the body spray. That “attraction,” in turn, might result in bodily harm to the wearer who will be advised by out-of-work trial lawyers like John Edwards to sue. - Bob McCarty Writes: Burger King Warned About Body Spray Lawsuits

Burger King is now selling this limited edition men’s body spray online and at select Ricky’s stores, because, uh, there is nothing more sensual than smelling like a pimply teen who works for minimum wage over the burger grill? Stay in your lane, Burger King! I don’t go to Sephora for a milkshake and basket of fries...

Obviously we had to run out and buy some so that Flavorpill staffers could test it immediately. Their horrified reactions — which were well worth the $4 Rickys is charging — below. Note that none of them mention the word “meat”.

1. “Liquid plastic cut with antibacterial hand soap.”
2. “Just like fresh acetone.”
3. “Smells like 7th grade. Or what I imagine the 7th grade boys locker room to
smell like.”
4. “It smells like bellybutton lint.”
5. “This is for a dude? I once dated a girl who smelled just like this.”
6. “Headgear.”
- FlavorWire: Flame-Broiled Meat, the New Man Musk? [Test Drive]

I love meat. I'm an unrepentant carnivore. I've extolled the virtues of pork time and again, but what I really want to eat every single day is a bloody steak. And often I do. Which means I'll probably die one day in the not so distant future of a heart attack. But I'll die happy, sated, and oblivious to any notion of deprivation, so (bleep) if I care, unless the vodka martini I've ordered with that death steak is only half-consumed by the time I keel over.

Burger King, I kid you not, has come out with a cologne. I know I should like this, I really should. But the thing is, I don't like it when people smell like meat (a little salty meat-sweat, like the way you smell after you've been stuffing your face at the ballpark, is okay). It reminds me of our own fleshy-ness, and my mind drifts to cannibalism and mortality, two unappetizing thoughts. Just last night, Diana and I were trying to figure out where we were going to have Korean BBQ, and it was a toss-up between two of our favorite haunts. Ultimately, we picked the place where we wouldn't emerge smelling like charred human meat.

Furthermore, cologne is designed, apart from its purpose to mask B.O., to get people to (bleep) you. But I don't want to literally (bleep) a piece of meat, although I won't judge you if you do (okay, I will a little). I want that kind of meat to smell like cheap soap and laundry detergent, in that order, and then have my bloody steak after, when I'm done with it. - Disgrasian: My Beef with Burger King's "Flame" Cologne

My friends, no one needs cologne that smells like beef. But I have a lot of things I don’t need, such as a giant marble lion toothbrush holder, many dozen classic Transformers toys, and a latex sauce pan cover shaped like a pig’s face. So enter Burger King to fill my non-need for a flame-brioled-burger-scented cologne with their new offering, Flame (note the awesome url: firemeetsdesire.com). Yes, thanks to the ever-frighetning King, you can now smell like a Whopper at your holiday party.

Fortunately, it’s available at Ricky’s NYC… so I had to go out and buy some. The bored clerks in the store were more than happy to point me to it. The lady at the register thought it was gross, then admitted that she wouldn’t mind smelling like “chicken nuggets.” I found myself agreeing with her, much to my own surprise and chagrin. Her colleague called us gross, adding that she wouldn’t object to a perfume that had the essence of soul food, including fried chicken, macaroni & cheese and greens. I paid my $3.99 and quickly stuffed the package - which looked like a shiny black condom wrapper with a burger king logo - into my bag.

After resisting the urge to spray the office vegetarians with the small bottle of Flame, I boldly applied some to my own wrists. And sprayed some in the air. The result: universal disgust. Everyone gathered around began coughing. And therein lies the horrible secret of Flame: it’s not burger-scented. It’s “the scent of seduction with a hint of flame-broiled meat,” which I think means it’s crappy cologne with a bit of salt rubbed into it. Try as I might, I could not smell anything related to meat. If you want to know what a Burger King smells like when it’s burning down in a horrible grease fire, though, this is probably as close as you get to the real thing. The acrid, eye-watering scent will not attract anything to you. Even my dog would start choking if it licked this off my wrist.

I’m glad I tried it, so you don’t have to. If this is what The King smells like then I don’t want him anywhere near me. - Chomposaurus: Burger King Flame: Ladies Luv It When You Smell Like Beef



Once again, America’s junk food vendors have produced something truly sub-par and repulsive. - scrapir to scrapir on Reddit firemeetsdesire.com

We smelled it too and now our whole office smells like adolescent b.o. - submitted by
rawksavvy at 5:33PM on 12/17/08 on A Hamburger Today: We Smell Burger King Flame

Michele: "It smells like a hetero man trying to be even more hetero." - A Hamburger Today: We Smell Burger King Flame

My girlfriend: "Like a truckstop bathroom air freshener." - A Hamburger Today: We Smell Burger King Flame

Raphael: "It smells like this G.I. Joe action figure I had that would spit out a liquid you filled it with. Or like this girl I dated in junior high who had a leather jacket that smelled just like that." - A Hamburger Today: We Smell Burger King Flame

A local radio personality decided to try out FLAME, and his female cohort ordered it for him, and sprayed him during the show.
Nothing.
Until he left the studio.
Outside, he was set upon by flocks of crows and magpies, and pursued by a yipping pack of coyotes. When he got home, his pot-smoking son — having a mosh pit party in the basement — mistook the odor wafting through the front door, and yelled “FOOD’S HERE!”, whereupon he was set upon by a dozen bong-hungered teens. - submitted by Skunkfeathers on Bob McCarty Writes: Burger King Warned About Body Spray Lawsuits

Burger King makes a meat-scented cologne. Keep clicking the spray to change the background imag- OH MY GOD MY EYES! (firemeetsdesire.com) - submitted 1 month ago by JBaker68 on Reddit firemeetsdesire.com

For the record, I think the Whopper smells like really intense BO and can’t imagine wanting to smell like one. Am I alone on this? - Bitten And Bound: Burger King Cologne “Flame”

WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW? - submitted by billin [-] on Reddit firemeetsdesire.com
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Beefy! January 9, 2009
Reviewer: Kizzy Komet from st petersburg, FL United States
I bet if you apply for a job at your local BK and work a nice long 12 hour day you would not even need to purchase this wonderful spray. You would smell like it naturally. How great would that be...no need to shower after work.
Was this review helpful to you? - Ricky's Halloween: FLAME™ Body Spray

Sweet Jesus That's Nasty!!! December 29, 2008
Reviewer: Fat Freddy Marsh from Houston, TX United States
This stuff smells like a wicked lactose intolerant fart. I mean, it's truly nauseating. I sprayed a little bit on my hand and I've nearly thrown up 7 times already. It smells like a combination of Spencer's Gifts, Hott Topix, and adolescent fear wrapped in a skunk's colon.
Washing does no good. I've tried everything. I've contemplated cutting my hands off, it's that bad. Please, someone tell me where the antidote is!
Was this review helpful to you? - Ricky's Halloween: FLAME™ Body Spray

Too fat. - submitted by razzbar [-] on Reddit firemeetsdesire.com
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ENTERTAINMENT and HUMOR: The Ten Most Melanin-Free Songs of All Time

This is from the Spin magazine web site. And I found it using NetVibes. I did replace some profanity from the original piece. - OlderMusicGeek

Caucasian Invasion
February 8, 2008

Calling your sketch-comedy troupe The Whitest Kids U' Know seems like a good way to get yourselves stereotyped. Done. So we asked the funny fivesome to come up with the ten most melanin-free songs of all time.

"Informer"
Snow
A Canadian rapper who tries to sound Rastafarian, but his Canadian accent keeps getting in the way.
Dear Snow (back in time): Please don't make any more albums.
Dear Snow (present day): Thank you.

"Fire and Rain"
James Taylor
If you listen to James Taylor all day, a John Denver record sounds like Public Enemy.

"Minuet in G"
Johann Sebastian Bach
OMG, Bach! Does every song have to be in 4/4 time? Jeez! Put some soul in there. We bet Johann never even met a black person.

"Gin and Juice"
Snoop Dogg
This is the one song white kids who don't listen to rap bring up when you tell them they don't listen to rap. Then they show you their Pharcyde CD.

"Tenderly Kissing a Crystal Horse in a Room Made of Clouds"
Moby
We don't know if this is the title of an actual Moby song [Editor's note: It's not], but all his stuff named like that. This guy needs to eat a burger and drink a beer. His music is so white you're not allowed to listen to it after Labor Day.

"I Want to Be a Hulkamaniac"
Hulk Hogan
Just kidding! This stuff is tight! Girls drop their panties when they hear the Hulkster!

"Baby's Got Sauce"
G. Love & Special Sauce
G. Love sucks. If you see a black guy at a G. Love concert, he's probably a spy sent to assassinate him. Godspeed black spies!

"Beverly Hills"
Weezer
This is what Jared the Subway guy listens to as he drinks Mike's Hard Lemonade and folds his laundry.

"Kiss From a Rose"
Seal
We're pretty sure that Seal is just being black ironically.

Their Entire Catalogs
Phish, Matchbox Twenty, and Creed
A three-way tie! Congrats, guys! Everyone who listens to this should be quarantined on a small island and nuked, and then no one should be allowed to record music on that spot for the next 75 years.

a link to the original piece at Spin.com