SPRITUALITY/RELIGION - Crazier than an imaginary friend?

SPIRITUALITY/RELIGION: Lol! Too damn funny! Guess I'm a Satanist!

HUMOR: Santa's Email - Redux

I already posted this, but some of the links didn't work, and I thought I should put more of the images up in case the links die. - OlderMusicGeek

Got this from Felicia Day on Twitter. To get a better look where the image is larger, click here - OlderMusicGeek




A link to the original image, which is larger
A link to all my Christmas posts

Merry Christmas or whatever holiday you're celebrating!
MY CHRISTMAS INTERNET RADIO STATIONS
OlderMusicGeek Radio - Christmas Edition
OlderMusicGeek Radio - Christmas Rock and Punk Edition
OlderMusicGeek's Christmas QuickMix

powered by PANDORA
But if you don't have Pandora, you can hear some of songs at http://www.playlist.com/oldermusicgeek

HUMOR: Santa's Email

Got this from Felicia Day on Twitter. To get a better look, click here - OlderMusicGeek



A link to the original image

HUMOR: New Words

Well, this is an email that I got from Ernest T Spoon. I was able to verify that The Washington Post does indeed have neologism contests, which are sponsored by their columnist Bob Levey - but they are monthly, not yearly. But I wasn't able to verify if these are from that contest.

But I don't care. They're funny. So I'm printing them. Besides - having an English degree, how could I not appreciate them and reprint them? :) - OlderMusicGeek

WARNING: There's a mild swear word at the end - for those of you who don't appreciate that.

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
17. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

These are words from the dictionary altered it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it. (I've been on both sides of this :) - OMG)
6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.
8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
9. Karmageddon (n): its like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer. (This one is my favorite :) - OMG)
10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.
12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
13. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
14. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.
15. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

POLITICS and ENTERTAINMENT: Moby's Take on Barack Obama

I got this from Moby's blog on MySpace. He talked about all the candidates, but I loved what he had to say about Barack Obama. - OlderMusicGeek

barack obama. first off, he has the single worst name anyone could ever have in the history of politics ever ever ever. barack(rhymes with iraq) hussein(like the guy who tried to kill gw's daddy) obama(one consonant away from bush family pal osama bin laden).

personally i see his terrible name as being kind of a plus, as it really couldn't be worse unless his name was satan hitler babyeater.

he's the least experienced of the candidates but he's also really smart and principled and telegenic. he seems like he would be fun at a barbecue but he'd also be good if you needed help doing your taxes and he'd definitely be nice to you if your goldfish died. ironically i think he's the democrats best chance to win. ironic, as he's:
a-inexperienced
b-1/2 muslim
c-possessed of the worst name in the history of politics

but gw was a coke addict with 2 dui's and a history of running companies into the ground(not to mention a last name that is colorfully and colloquially used to describe ladies baby making parts). so who knows? barack obama seems like the dem's best choice.

plus it would be awesome to have an african-american president. the rest of the world wouldn't be able to hate us as much, which would be nice.

and i hope that dennis kucinich runs every 4 years, because, not to sound shallow, it's great to have a healthy vegan with a beautiful wife running for president.

CULTURE/SOCIETY: Santa Claus is a Vampire

Merry Christmas. OlderMusicGeek here. But I'm afraid I have bad news for everyone. Especially our children. Most especially our children.

It took me a long time to realize this. And an even longer time to face the awful truth. But now that I know, there's no turning back.

I'm sorry to tell you this people, but the truth must be told!

And that awful truth is - so-called dear old Santa Claus is part of the blood-sucking Undead!


How do I know this you ask! Let me tell the evidence I have gathered, and then you can decide for yourself.

Evidence #1:
When you rearranged the letters of "Santa's Workshop" you get "Satan's Porkshow"! I'm not sure what pigs have to do with vampirism, but I think the cloven hooves may be involved.

Evidence #2:
When you rearranged Claus all you get is Lucas or Sulac. I don't know if Lucas has anything to do with anything, and Sulac just sounds like a Vulcan name. But that would explain the elves' pointy ears!

But wait! Claus is short is Nickalaus. And Ol' Nick is a nickname for the Devil!

Old Nick n. The Devil; Satan. See Regional Note at Old Scratch.
Source: The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition. Copyright © 2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.

Old Nick Pronunciation: 'Ol(d)-'nik Function: noun-- used as a name of the devil
Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary


Ah, but I hear saying. Oh sure, Santa is Satanic. We've been told about that for years! But that doesn't make him a vampire! Maybe he's just a devil-worshipper.

Just be patient, my dear reader. My evidence is still mounting.


Evidence #3:

As long as we have known old so-called Saint Nicholas, he has always been old... but he never has died. I mean let's face it, people. He has been an old man for at least a hundred and eighty years.

And he's been smoking all that time. And still no lung cancer?! I mean, com'on, people! It's only undead lungs that could handle that much smoking!

I know. I hear you. You're all saying just because he's an immortal devil-worshipper doesn't mean he's a vampire. I know there are other ways to be immortal besides vampirism. And yes, I have heard that some vampires are pagans and even agnostics and atheists, as well as rumors that some vampires in India are Shiva-worshippers...

But wait I have further evidence!


Evidence #4:

When does so-called Saint Nick do his run? At night, that's when! He goes around the world at night!

And where does so-called Saint Nick live? At the North Pole, where is night all day for six monts a year. Ha, what a place for a being who would turn to ashes in sunlight! (For convenience though, we will ignore the fact that the sun also shines all day six months a year at the pole, making it a nasty place for a vampire in the summer.)

Now things are starting to sound more convincing, huh? I know though, some of you are saying, "Okay, so he's a night-loving immortal Satanist. So are a lot a plastic-surgeon using movie stars! That doesn't make him a vampire!"

Evidence #5:

How does such a big man get down chimneys, especially when a lot of us only have a small pipe coming out of the roof of our houses? Well, if you remember your vampire lore, my dear readers, you know that vampires can change into smoke! Than our big man can get into any home he wants!

Okay, I know what you're saying - "So he's a shape-shifting night-loving immortal Satanist! That doesn't make him a vampire. That could describe a movie star turned politician!"


Evidence #6:

Santa is hot with the babes! Don't believe me! Go listen to "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus", or better yet "Santa Baby".

How could such a scraggly looking fellow be considered so hot? Vampire sex appeal wouldn't hurt, huh? I mean, come on, a guy with that much hair on his face has to have quite a bit coming out his ears and nose as well as his back and butt. Trust me, I can't grow a beard as thick as his and I still have hair growing everywhere!

Before you saying anything else, I have one last question -

Evidence #7:

Just one question - how do you think his reindeer can fly?

So there I leave you, my dear readers. Doubt if you want, but on Christmas Eve when you feel the whiskers on your face and the teeth dipping into your neck, remember what OlderMusicGeek told you.

We'd all better be good for goodness sake!