HUMOR: The real reason people are sorry for calling you stupid!

ON ANOTHER BLOG: "PERSONALITY: Questionnaire Using Song Titles" on OlderMusicGeek's Stupid Tests And Quizzes (just click here)

ON ANOTHER BLOG: "COMICS (and MOVIES): Blasphemy: Clark Kent Is Not A Costume" on OlderMusicGeek's Stupid Stuff (just click here)

CULTURE/SOCIETY: Tudor Rose's Evolution

Tudor Rose actually wrote this a couple of months back. I meant to reprint because I like it so much. I just spaced it off with Christmas and all.

WARNING: Profanity is used. - OlderMusicGeek

Tales Of A Librarian
17 December 2007
evolve

One of the poems included in my BFA thesis ended with the lines You have become nothing more/than a life support system for your cunt. Telling the story of a very bad decision I made my senior year of college, those two lines represented what I thought was true of myself at the time: that I was worth nothing more than what could be shown between the sheets. That while I was intelligent and articulate enough, my mouth was only good for one thing and the only way I could keep myself in a man's life was to keep myself in his bed.

That was four years ago and there is no possible way to really express the amount and level of change that has taken place in those fours years. As it is, I don't like to reflect too much on the past, except in recognizing that past events and situations have made me who I am today. I've generally been more concerned with thinking about the future, but only recently have I started to think and appreciate the present. So, on the heels of the good doctor, here is my list of twenty things that make me who I am at this moment:

• I know who I am and what I need to be satisfied and happy in life


• But, more importantly, I'm no longer afraid to ask for those things that make me happy, and I found that I have the strength to leave a situation where that satisfaction isn't found.


• Despite what society and self-help books tell us, it is always better to be single than to settle.


• I have believed for years that I have always been a redhead, biology just fucked up and made me a blonde by accident.


• I know what it means to love and be loved, unconditionally. This is the first time I have ever been in a relationship where I feel loved inside and out, light and dark. This is also the first relationship that is balanced between lovers and friends, a balance I have spent years trying to create in other relationships but happened naturally and organically this time around.


• Beauty cannot be measured by a number on a scale.


• Chloe the Pussy is -- and I anticipate, will remain -- the best purchase I have ever made.


• I once participated in a threesome with two guys, though I stopped it halfway through. That was the exact moment where I stopped living life for my cunt and started living it for myself.


• It took me 26 years to get here, but I am financially independent from my parents.


• Moving to Kentucky was the best decision I ever made. I spent my entire life in the same town in Ohio, believing I'd never leave, too afraid to take the steps necessary. I now have no intention of going back: there are too many adventures in too many cities to be had.


• I am an atheist. Religion to me is a personal matter: I don't care what, or who, you believe in, just don't expect me to believe the same and don't approach the situation as though your believe and faith makes you better or smarter than me. I am more than willing to discuss my beliefs, as long as it's a discussion and not me being told I'm wrong and going to hell.


• I am also an existentialist. I am where I am today because of the choices I made, of following through on those choices and accepting whatever consequences came from them, not because of a deity's master plan for the cosmos.


• My friends mean more to me than my family.


• Sex is an expression of an individual and everybody should be allowed, and encouraged, to explore those things that make them tick, as unconventional as they may be.


• I believe the accepted term for my sexuality is "bi-curious," and I am more than okay never actually taking the curiosity into reality.


• I can have moments of OCD. I have been told this will serve me well in my future career as a librarian.


• I have never liked the phrase "making love," but only in the past few months have I learned what that phrase actually means.


• Leaving my ex was the hardest, and scariest, decision I ever made. A decision that took me three months to actually make out of that fear. But in doing it and surviving, I proved to myself that I have a lot more courage than I ever imagined.


• With enough patience and persistence, you can have the life you want, and have the people you want in it.


• I am, and always have been, a work in progress. I am fluid, constantly changing, always evolving. The day I stop evolving will be the day I have given up on myself. I hope to never reach that day, and believe I have people in my life who won't let me.

Posted by Tudor Rose at 8:49 PM |
Labels: on love, on my pussy, on religion, on sex, on the relations, on writing

CULTURE/SOCIETY and HUMOR: In Praise of Older Women

The Formerly Wild Now Christian Co-Worker sent me an email praising women over 40. It was rather schmaltzy piece that Andy Rooney had supposably written. Well, I checked at Snopes.com. It turns out Andy Rooney didn't write it. When asked if he agreed with the piece, he said, "Not particularly." Now THAT sounds like Andy Rooney!

Anyway, the piece of work was actually a schmaltzification of a rather humorous and entertaining piece written by a Frank Kaiser. And I have included most of the original web page below. - OlderMusicGeek.

In Praise of
Older Women By Frank Kaiser

One of the perks of dufferdom is an increased capacity to appreciate people. Friends. Spouses. And, for me, women. All women.

When I was 20, I had eyes only for girls my age. Any woman over 30 was ancient, over 40 invisible.

Today, at 71, I still appreciate the 20-year-old for her youthful looks, vigor, and (occasional) sweet innocence.

But I equally enjoy women of my own age and beyond, and every age in between. I've learned that each has its own special wonders, attractions, magic and beauty.

As I grow in age, I value mature ladies most of all. Here are just a few of the reasons senior men sing the praises of older women:

• An older woman knows how to smile with such brightness and truth, old men stagger.
  
  
• An older woman will never ask out of the blue, "What are you thinking?" An older woman doesn't care what you think.
  
  
• An older woman's been around long enough to know who she is, what she wants, and from whom. By the age of 50, few women are wishy-washy. About anything. Thank God!
  
  
• And yes, once you get past a wrinkle or two, an older woman is far sexier than her younger counterpart!

  Her libido's stronger.

  Her fear of pregnancy's gone.

  Her appreciation of experienced lovemaking is honed and reciprocal.

  And she's lived long enough to know how to please a man in ways her daughter could never dream of. (Young men, you have something to look forward to!)

• Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off that you are a jerk if you're acting like one. A young woman will say nothing, fearing that you might think worse of her. An older woman doesn't give a damn.

  ---

  “If the Lord made anything better than a woman, He kept it for Himself.” — Jerry Lee Lewis

---

• An older, single woman usually has had her fill of "meaningful relationships" and "long-term commitments." Can't relate? Can't commit? She could care less. The last thing she needs in her life is another whiny, dependent lover!
  
  
• Older women are sublime. They seldom contemplate having a shouting match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive dinner. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.
  
  
• Most older women cook well. They care about cleanliness. They're generous with praise, often undeserved.
  
  
• An older woman has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A young woman often snarls with distrust when "her guy" is with other women. Older women couldn't care less.
  
  
• Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to an older woman. Like your mother, they always know.

Yes, we geezers praise older women for a multitude of reasons. These are but a few.

Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal.

For every stunning, smart, well-coifed babe of 75 there's a bald, paunchy relic with his yellow pants belted at his armpits making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress.

Ladies, I apologize for my fellow geezers. That men are genetically inferior is no secret. Count your blessings that we die off at a far younger age, leaving you the best part of your lives to enjoy and appreciate the exquisite woman you've become. Without the distraction of some demanding old fart clinging and whining his way into your serenity.

© Copyright 2000 - 2006—Frank Kaiser

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EDITOR'S NOTE: ON APRIL 2, 2003, I RECEIVED A PHONE CALL FROM ANDY ROONEY OF "60 MINUTES." HE TOO HAS BEEN BOMBARDED BY E-MAIL CONTAINING THE ABOVE COLUMN SIGNED BY "ANDY ROONEY."
HE TOLD ME THAT HE HAD NO IDEA HOW THIS STARTED, THAT HE IS NOT THE AUTHOR OF THIS COLUMN, THAT HE WAS HOPING TO GET TO THE BOTTOM OF IT.

See the Baltimore Sun's Susan Reimer's funny column about this column.

Also see http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/rooney2.asp

---

Of course, a celebrated encomium about older women was penned by a famous American statesman over 250 years earlier, when Benjamin Franklin wrote the piece known to us as "Old Mistresses' Apologue": June 25, 1745

My dear Friend,

I know of no Medicine fit to diminish the violent natural Inclinations you mention; and if I did, I think I should not communicate it to you. Marriage is the proper Remedy. It is the most natural State of Man, and therefore the State in which you are most likely to find solid Happiness. Your Reasons against entring into it at present, appear to me not well-founded. The circumstantial Advantages you have in View by postponing it, are not only uncertain, but they are small in comparison with that of the Thing itself, the being married and settled. It is the Man and Woman united that make the compleat human Being. Separate, she wants his Force of Body and Strength of Reason; he, her Softness, Sensibility and acute Discernment. Together they are more likely to succeed in the World. A single Man has not nearly the Value he would have in that State of Union. He is an incomplete Animal. He resembles the odd Half of a Pair of Scissars. If you get a prudent healthy Wife, your Industry in your Profession, with her good Economy, will be a Fortune sufficient.

But if you will not take this Counsel, and persist in thinking a Commerce with the Sex inevitable, then I repeat my former Advice, that in all your Amours you should prefer old Women to young ones. You call this a Paradox, and demand my Reasons. They are these:

1. Because as they have more Knowledge of the World and their Minds are better stor'd with Observations, their Conversation is more improving and more lastingly agreable.
   
   
2. Because when Women cease to be handsome, they study to be good. To maintain their Influence over Men, they supply the Diminution of Beauty by an Augmentation of Utility. They learn to do a 1000 Services small and great, and are the most tender and useful of all Friends when you are sick. Thus they continue amiable. And hence there is hardly such a thing to be found as an old Woman who is not a good Woman.
   
   
3. Because there is no hazard of Children, which irregularly produc'd may be attended with much Inconvenience.
   
   
4. Because thro' more Experience, they are more prudent and discreet in conducting an Intrigue to prevent Suspicion. The Commerce with them is therefore safer with regard to your Reputation. And with regard to theirs, if the Affair should happen to be known, considerate People might be rather inclin'd to excuse an old Woman who would kindly take care of a young Man, form his Manners by her good Counsels, and prevent his ruining his Health and Fortune among mercenary Prostitutes.
   
   
5. Because in every Animal that walks upright, the Deficiency of the Fluids that fill the Muscles appears first in the highest Part: The Face first grows lank and wrinkled; then the Neck; then the Breast and Arms; the lower Parts continuing to the last as plump as ever: So that covering all above with a Basket, and regarding only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old from a young one. And as in the dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of corporal Enjoyment with an old Woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every Knack being by Practice capable of Improvement.
   
   
6. Because the Sin is less. The debauching a Virgin may be her Ruin, and make her for Life unhappy.
   
   
7. Because the Compunction is less. The having made a young Girl miserable may give you frequent bitter Reflections; none of which can attend the making an old Woman happy.
   
   
8. and Lastly They are so grateful!!

Thus much for my Paradox. But still I advise you to marry directly; being sincerely

Your affectionate Friend. B. Franklin

The original piece written by Frank Kaiser

About how the piece got attributed to Andy Rooney on Snopes.com

A Baltimore Sun article on Andy Rooney's take of all of this