HUMOR: How Many Dogs Does It Take To Change A Lightbulb

I got this as an email. - OlderMusicGeek

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?

1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?



2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.





3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!






4. Rottweiler: Make me.







5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.







6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!





7. German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation



8. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.






9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb!






10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.






11. Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?





12. Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...






13. Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.




How many cats does it take to change a light bulb?
Cats do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is:

'How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?'

ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE STAFF!

CULTURE/SOCIETY: My Daughter as Prey (Don't Be Sick People!)

This is from me, not some reprinted article. - OlderMusicGeek

My daughter, a while back, was talking about how her and her classmates learned of the dog breed known as the shih tzu.

Of course, they had a blast with that. Apparently, making the usual jokes of stepping in a shih tzu and what-not.

So I told my daughter, "It's a good thing that you guys didn't hear about the breed, fukka tu."

My daughter looks at me really shocked and surprised. "Is there really a breed like that?!"

Not being able to keep a straight face, I told her no and waved her off.


But this reminded me of a time when she was much younger. We were driving on the interstate and we saw some cows.

"Look, Daddy, cows!" shouted my daughter in excitement.

"Oh yeah, I see them," I answered in mock excitement.

"Are those real cows?"

"Oh, no. The real cows died years ago and have been replaced by robot cows."

With some confusion, my daughter went, "Ohhh."

But my then wife happened to be in the car and she called me on it. She might not have known that much about America, but she wasn't about to accept robot cows!

So I had to admit to my daughter that the cows were real.


When I told some co-workers about these two incidents, one of them said, "She's not your daughter! She's your prey!"