MY LIFE - 50 For My 50th Day 18: "When It's Cold" and "Into The Blue" by Moby and other songs that describe how I felt suicidal

For an explanation of "50 For My 50th", go here - http://oldermusicgeek.blogspot.com/2013/08/entertainment-50-for-my-50th-50-days-of.html

I'm not proud of this fact, but I did try to kill myself once. And it wasn't a cry for help. No note. Went where it was hard to find me. The only reason I'm still alive is because I didn't take enough pills or vomited up too much of them.

Why did I try to kill myself? Even a decade later, it's to explain completely.

I mean, I obviously wasn't thinking straight.

But basically, it boiled down to this.

I was took pride in being a good husband and a good dad. And I failed on that when I cheated on my wife.

Secondly, my wife was threatening to go back to Africa with our daughter. I was transgender and Africa is very traditional. I knew I could have trouble getting custody and visitation rights there.

And thirdly, my wife outed my transgenderism to my family and friends.

So, in my crazed, depressed state of mind, I didn't see much reason to live. I failed as a father and husband. I was losing my wife. Thought I might never see my daughter again.

I was an idiot. More than a decade later, I'm happily divorced from that awful woman. I have custody of my daughter. And my daughter and I only get a few texts from her mother every few months. And I, with the help of a great therapist, decided my transgenderism was just something I went through to cope, deal, and come to terms with my feminine side.

Morale of the story: Suicide bad! Don't do it!

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Vn2SencrSL_0ujzefX_Bfc_j-KJhKJzSUTDJi3CiQs8/edit?usp=sharing

A playlist about my suicide attempt including Moby's "When It's Cold" and "Into The Blue":

Click the link below to listen to my monstrosity of a playlist, OlderMusicGeek's 50th B-Day, on Spotify:

http://open.spotify.com/user/127676752/playlist/1bRKV8LHJIL3JQih1ZSq76

CULTURE/SOCIETY: Transgender Day of Remembrance: Why We Remember

Transgender people are those whose gender identity differs from the sex they were assigned at birth. In 1999 a handful of transgender people sought to highlight the need for awareness around anti-transgender violence, which refers to attacks against people who are perceived as transgender -- regardless of how one may personally identify. To that end, we held the first Transgender Day of Remembrance event in the Castro district of San Francisco, holding the names of those we'd lost in silent testimony.

That was 13 years ago. Today, Transgender Day of Remembrance will be presented in the United States and Canada, Australia, Poland, Russia, the Philippines, South Korea and many other locations across the Earth. The notion of remembering our dead reaches into places that those few who gathered in 1999 could hardly have envisioned.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mobileweb/gwendolyn-ann-smith/transgender-day-of-remembrance-why-we-remember_b_2166234.html

CULTURE/SOCIETY: Transgender Day of Remembrance: More Than a List of Names

Each observance is different, representing the uniqueness of the local transgender communities that organize them. Some are very formal, others more folksy; some feel like a church service, while others are more like a civil rights rally. However, almost all share one element in common: a reading of the names of people murdered over the last 12 months simply because they were transgender or someone believed them to be. This year's list has 256 names on it.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mobileweb/allyson-d-robinson/transgender-day-of-remembrance-more-than-a-list-of-names_b_2159093.html

ENTERTAINMENT: Doctor Who would be more interesting...

SPIRITUALITY/RELIGION and POLITICS: Missouri Pastor's Fiery Speech Against Equal Rights for Homosexuals Has Stunning Twist Ending

http://m.gawker.com/5953357/missouri-pastors-fiery-speech-against-equal-rights-for-homosexuals-has-stunning-twist-ending

CULTURE/SOCIETY: Lies about transgender people (and how to spot a rubbish journalist)

Ever been kicked in the face? I have. Violence is common towards children who display gender difference. Poofter, they used to call me. AIDS victim, they’d whisper. Walk like a man, boy, or get a clip ’round the earhole. That last one came from my father. Still, as one matures, so does the nature of the bullying. Instead of gossip and ciggies behind bike-sheds, badmouthing is done by respectable journalists in national newspapers. Take the Telegraph’s Ed West, for example, who seems perfectly comfortable belittling the existence of “transphobia” (hatred towards transgender people). His quotation marks, not mine. Guess he’s never had a kick in the head. In fact, I doubt he has any subjective experience of being trans, and nor will many of his readers. That’s the trouble.

http://blogs.independent.co.uk/2012/08/31/lies-about-transgender-people-and-how-to-spot-a-rubbish-journalist/

ENTERTAINMENT: Artist who drew some covers for “The Phantom” comic books is now transgender

THE GUERRILLA ANGEL REPORT — First it was musician Laura Jane Grace in the Spring, followed by film director Lana Wachowski’s debut this Summer. Now Australia’s Lindsay Walker, an artist who has previously drawn a number of covers for The Phantom comic book series, has recently made her transition to female official.

http://lexiecannes.wordpress.com/2012/09/12/artist-who-drew-some-covers-for-the-phantom-comics-is-now-transgender/

CULTURE/SOCIETY: How to be a trans ally

CULTURE/SOCIETY: Fascinating photographs, "Half Drag"

NY-based photographer Leland Bobbé makes these weird portraits of burlesque performers for his art project titled “Half Drag.”

http://izismile.com/2012/07/13/half_drag_photo_project_10_pics.html

HUMOR: The sporks of society!

http://nicklavin.deviantart.com/art/Sporks-of-Society-304707405

CULTURE/SOCIETY: Where there is no mercy: The transgender plight

http://subversify.com/2012/06/08/where-there-is-no-mercy-the-transgender-plight/"

ENTERTAINMENT: Yeah, Hulk! Show off that booty!

CULTURE/SOCIETY: Men posed as female pin-ups

http://boingboing.net/2011/10/07/men-posed-as-female-pin-ups.html

SCIENCE/TECHNOLOGY: You can *choose* to be gay!

http://www.polarimagazine.com/bulletin-board/choose-to-be-gay

CULTURE/SOCIETY: Sweet but interesting look at genders

http://chotpot.tumblr.com/post/20436491880/people-are-butts-about-gender-sometimes-so-here

SCIENCE/TECHNOLOGY: UI student's medical experience raises questions about transgender care in Iowa

http://www.dailyiowan.com/2012/04/04/Metro/27743.html

CULTURE/SOCIETY: Question From FormSpring.Me - If you eliminated one thing you do each day in the bathroom so you never did it again, what would it be

If you could eliminate one thing you do each day in the bathroom so you never had to do it again, what would it be?

shave - it's the one thing that's really putting a damper on my transition from male to female!

Ask me anything

CULTURE/SOCIETY: My Fun Day Today

Started this as a Facebook post, but it got too long, so I thought it would make a good blog post. Haven't put one up for ages! - OlderMusicGeek

what a day! i went to the doctor's to discuss my hormone therapy. i was told he wasn't seeing anybody today! turns out the appointment was yesterday!

well, i was planning on doing the paperwork for my name change after i went to the doctor's. but i was thinking that the therapist appointment that i thought was tomorrow was probably today.

unfortunately, i had no way to check this out because my phone number had switched over from my old phone to my new phone. and my new phone didn't have a battery!

well, i went to the shop and the guy there didn't see any battery left behind anywhere and no message about a battery, but said the guys who were there would be there tonight.

so i went to my therapist anyway. it turns out i did have an appointment today, not tomorrow. but i was 45 minutes early so i went to eat. then when i was leaving my car had trouble starting.

it starts fine now, knock on wood. so i don't know what was the problem then. anyway, after the therapist, i was going to do the name change, but fortunately i checked my bank account to be sure i had the fees. i didn't - i must have miscalculated how much i spent on christmas presents!

so not to make my day a total loss, i'm heading to work to save some of my personal time off and will once again do the name change after my new appointment to see the doctor about my hormone therapy!

Post On Another Blog

"MUSIC: Songs Of The Day - Halloween Edition (Oct 31): "Time Warp" from Rocky Horror Picture Show And "Science Fiction Double Feature" " on OlderMusicGeek's Stupid Entertainment Stuff

CULTURE/SOCIETY: The Girlfriend from Hell

I just learned that I can upload videos unto my blog. :) So here's a couple that Ernest T Spoon sent me a while back. - OlderMusicGeek