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Friday, February 24, 2006


link to The Cool Person Test

CULTURE/SOCIETY and HUMOR: Two Stories Involving Me, My Daughter, Nazis, a Co-Worker and Anthrax

Well, here are two stories I put in my last mass emailing to my friends, but I figured casual readers might appreciate these stories too. - OlderMusicGeek.

My daughter was looking at my hand. I don’t know remember the whys or wherefores, but she was looking at it. And she asked me if I had been captured by Nazis.

I was, of course, startled and didn’t understand at first what she was talking about. “What?! Why are you asking me that?!”

“You have blue numbers on your hand!”

At work, I was doing a job that dealt with a lot of boxes, so I was writing the number of the boxes on my hand so I would have them handy (hey, I made a bad pun!). (And yes, they do have paper at my work! But my hand is closer and don’t have to keep grabbing it to get the box number!)

I shook my head at my daughter’s response. “Those numbers were put on the forearm, not the hand. And how do you know about those numbers?”

Turns out somebody came and talked at their school about the Holocaust, and that’s how she was able to make that joke. This kid is sometimes too smart for me!

At work, we open a bunch of mail. This lady who was working next to me asked me what we should do if we find some white powder in an envelope.

"Why?" I asked dragging the word out a little bit. After a pause - "Did you find some white powder?"

"No," she laughed, "I was just wondering."

Being a smart alec, I said, "I think you should smell it and taste it just be sure if it is anthrax." (A friend, after reading this, said he would suggest doing something with a straw!)

She laughed. "Seriously though, what would you do?"

"Well," I thought, "I guess I would jump out of my chair, wave my arms wildly in the air, and yell at the top of my lungs, 'Anthrax!!!'."

Then after a pause, "That's probably what I would do, though I'm not sure if that's what we're suppose to do. I guess we should find out."

So as we were going out, we talked to our supervisor who has the nickname of Baby Boss. This is because she's not the real boss, just something of a supervisor.

"Hey, Baby Boss..." Yes, I do call her Baby Boss. There are some advantages to being 20 years older than your immediate supervisor, and with a junk job like I got, I make sure to use those advantages!

"Hey, Baby Boss, what are we suppose to do if we find some white powder in an envelope?"

“Um, I don’t know. Run away screaming?”

Then I turned to the woman I had been talking to, and said, “See, I told you!”

Sunday, February 19, 2006

CULTURE/SOCIETY: Searches That Bring Up My Blogs

These are what I considered the 20 strangest entries that brought up my web sites on any search engines. - OlderMusicGeek

20. preschoolers and respecting authority
19. steffen bakery indiana state line
18. Old Fella Branson Missouri
17. Humorous Pictures of Differences in the male and female brains
16. "hindu music" "Indiana Jones"
15. I love you older brother
14. "favorite song" "swallowed a fly" famous person
13. mpeg for servant leadership
12. farting christmas songs
11. clip of the jessie spano freakout
10. mpeg fat hutt
9. urban lore: president bush to bomb canary islands
8. Calphalon pots are they harmful to your health
6. "I have bad news" "President" "cherry" "tomato"
5. in the dance off episode zack and jessie "legs" spano were a team. the team name was what?
4. What happens when u pray for a person then that person nose starts to bleed?
3. poem someone wrote conversation "Franklin Roosevelt" Devil written thirties
3. couple seks photo and seks children boys with older women
2. more tickle his pickle
1. lesbian kicked me in the crotch

Saturday, February 18, 2006


My girlfriend, the Sassy Witch (formally referred to as "the Beatnik Witch") sent me this. I pass it on as a favor to my fellow males. - OlderMusicGeek

Guys' Rules

At last, a guy has taken the time to write this all down Finally, the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.) We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules -

1. Men ARE not mind readers.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat.

You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

3. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
4. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
5. Crying is blackmail.
6. Ask for what you want.

Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

7. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
8. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
9. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
10. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
11. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
12. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
13. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
14. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
15. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
16. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
17. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color! Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
18. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
19. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
20. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
21. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...really.
22. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
23. You have enough clothes.
24. You have too many shoes.
25. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight!

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

POLITICS: Natural Disaster

Another joke sent to me by Ernest T Spoon. - OlderMusicGeek

Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and George W. Bush face a firing squad in a small Central American country.

Bill Clinton is first placed against the wall and just before the order to shoot him is given, he yells, "Earthquake!"

The firing squad falls into a panic, and Bill jumps over the wall and escapes in the confusion.

Al Gore is the second one placed against the wall. The squad is reassembled, and Al ponders what his old boss has done. Before the order to shoot is given, Al yells, "Tornado!" Again, the squad falls apart, and Al slips over the wall.

The last person, George W. Bush, is placed against the wall. He is thinking, "I see the pattern here… just scream out a disaster and hop over the wall."

As the firing squad is reassembled and the rifles raised in his direction, he grins and yells, "Fire!"

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