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ENTERTAINMENT: Want To Smell Like Kirk?

Meant to do this for Valentine's Day - you know, cus Valentine's Day and Star Trek just go together! - OlderMusicGeek

All big movies - and some smaller ones - have a lot of promotional merchandise, but this is one of the more strange ones: they're coming out with a Star Trek cologne.

So...many...jokes.

The real Trekkie man will be wearing either Tiberius (that's Kirk's middle name), Pon Farr (Vulcan horniness), or Red Shirt (they're the guys that always, um, die when they beam down to another planet).

Why would Star Trek fans need a cologne? They don't go on dates! (Just kidding.)
TV Squad: Hey Kirk, What's That Smell

How would you like to smell like a bad ass Starfleet Captain? Or give off that musky Vulcan mating smell? Well now you can! A tie in with the new Star Trek movie coming out this May will include Star Trek themed colognes. Genki Wear is producing the scents Tiberius, Pon Farr, and Red Shirt. So if you’re looking to woo that special geeky girl you’ve been looking to, ahem, stun with your phaser, this may do the trick. There’s no guarantee that the Tiberius cologne will attract green-skinned alien women, though. And let’s certainly hope that wearing Red Shirt doesn’t mean you’ll get killed off before the end of the date.
Geek Six: Smell, The Final Frontier

Apparently, the "Tiberius," "Pon Farr" and "Red Shirt" fragrances will be available in finer stores starting the spring for an undisclosed price. Start saving guys. After all, who could resist the the enchanting musk of James Tiberius Kirk, the raging hormones of Vulcan pon far or the live-fast, die young personality of a red shirt stock character?

comments...
Dirkfart Faeclefunk: Was this tested on Klingons? "They're animals!"
Jrsy Devil's Food Cake®:Red Shirt... It's the last cologne you'll ever wear...
Gizmodo: Love, Jealousy, Passion...Star Trek Cologne For Men

Star Trek Uno, anyone? Perhaps you’d prefer a Vulcan cookie jar. Or maybe you’d like to buy your man some ... Star Trek cologne? Genki Wear is producing a trio of Star Trek inspired scents: Tiberius, Pon Farr, and Red Shirt. So, if you want your man to smell like Captain Kirk, go into a Vulcan heat, or get down like a red shirt, Star Trek cologne can make it happen. That is, if you’d date a guy who’d wear it.

comments...
Simcha: Bring on the dudes who smell like Kirk!
Chelle: WTF? They make one called “Red Shirt”? What does it smell like, death?
The Frisky: Would You Date A Guy Who … Wears Star Trek Cologne?

Have you ever wanted to smell like a sweaty James Doohan? Well, then, good news! CBS is licensing three Star Trek-themed body fragrances in order to market the new movie in the series.

comment...
Gauldar said: Put a pinch of it on your Vulcan neck.
Neatorama:Star Trek-Themed Cologne Coming Out Soon

Oh yes. GenkiWear is apparently developing three Star Trek-themed fragrances to be released in the spring. For those looking to engage another carbon-based lifeform and boldly go where -- nah, forget it, I'm not going to sit here and use lame Star Trek lines as tired sexual euphemisms. I'm above that. So I'll just say that true nerds can rejoice in their complete devotion to one of the world's nerdiest creations as they spray some "Tiberius" on their wrists. I just hope nobody seriously thinks a scent called "Pon Farr" or "Red Shirt" will help them beam a chick off the bridge and into their bed (it was just too easy!).

comment...
Skyhawk: Yeah baby. What woman can't resist Klingon musk? Oh wait that's actually fanboy B.O. Nevermind.
The Huffington Post: Star Trek Cologne:The Next Generation of Nerdom

Usually I’m confused and upset by rampant movie merchandising. I don’t really need Wall-E themed kleenex, or a James Bond Omega watch. OK, scratch that. I’d like an Omega James Bond watch, but there’s no way I could afford it.

Anyways.

Despite my antipathy towards this kind of branding exercise, I find myself oddly excited over the news that the a new line of men’s cologne will be accompanying the new Star Trek film, due out in May. The three scents - “Red Shirt”, “Pon Farr” and “Tiberius” - conjure the muskiness of command, Vulcan mating rituals, and Captain Kirk respectively.

Now, you might be asking yourself “which Star Trek scent is right for me?” Well, this is a deeply personal decision, one you must come to after hours of painful introspection. For me, the choice is clear. If I wear “Red Shirt”, my odds of dying on an away mission increase exponentially. And as I understand it, “Pon Farr” can only be worn once every seven years, and will necessitate some sort of grim battle to the death.

No, “Tiberius” is the Trek cologne for Graeme. Because really, who doesn’t want to smell like Captain James T(iberius). Kirk? A galaxy full of sexy and occassionally green space-babes can’t be wrong!

Nunc Scio: WANT: Star Trek Cologne

I am not prepared to live in a world wear there is Star Trek-themed perfume, okay? Forget the "Red Shirt" one, because it assumably will smell like sweat and fear and having just pissed yourself in fear, but "Pon Farr"? The Vulcan mating time, when they basically hump anything that moves? How was this not recognized as the worst idea in the entire world immediately? Also, how can you wear a scent based on James T. Kirk, the galaxy's greatest poonhound, and not get fucked to death by hot green-skinned alien women?

Okay, "Tiberius" might be okay. But I highly disapprove of the others.

comments:
Scott said: Does Pon Farr burn you when you put it on, causing you unbearable pain until you get some tail?
Zach Oat said: "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the C.K.One."
ZeroCorpse said: Other Trek scents I'm looking forward to: Tribble, Mudd, Horta, KHAAAAAAAAAN!
telezombie said: Dude....if they made Khan I would so buy that by the gallon and bathe in it daily.
Topless Robot: Who Wants to Smell Like a Rutting Vulcan?