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Showing posts with label home. Show all posts
Showing posts with label home. Show all posts

Thursday, March 06, 2014

CULTURE/SOCIETY: Report: Mom’s Got Her Thing Tonight


BLOOMFIELD, MI—Noting that she had left earlier and would probably be gone for most of the evening, household sources confirmed Wednesday that local mother Diane Walsh has got her thing tonight.

According to Walsh family members, this is the same thing that Mom had mentioned something about at breakfast yesterday. Several reports also indicated that Mom usually goes to the thing with her friends from high school or maybe those ones from work.

“She’s usually there for a few hours,” said daughter Christina Walsh, 15, adding that tonight’s thing is definitely different from that other thing she does once in a while. “It’s at the community center or YMCA or something like that.”

http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-moms-got-her-thing-tonight,35446/

Sunday, September 02, 2012

HUMOR: Nation Celebrates Full Week Without Deadly Mass Shooting

NEW YORK—Cheers filled the streets and American flags waved triumphantly through the air today as the nation turned out in full force to celebrate an entire week having passed since the last time a madman opened fire on innocent civilians in some kind of fatal mass shooting.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/nation-celebrates-full-week-without-deadly-mass-sh,29293/?ref=auto

Friday, March 13, 2009

HUMOR: A Joke For Pi Day

Here's a joke I heard back in high school for Pi Day. - OlderMusicGeek

There was the village that was far away in the mountains. And in this village, they had a young boy who was very gifted, especially in math.

But his family had died in a tragic accident, and he lived with his poor grandfather and his nephew. So since no one in the town had ever gone to college, everyone in the village chipped in and sent him off.

The college was far away, and the young man could not afford to visit his home. When he finally got his Ph.D., he went back to his home village.

There was a big celebration in the village with a parade and fireworks. Then the town asked for a speech.

The man was rather shy. "I don't know what to say!"

Someone shouted, "Tell us something you learned in college!"

The man said the first thing that came to mind - "Pi r square."

Everyone looked disappointed and slowly walked away. The only two people to remain were his grandfather and nephew.

"What did I say wrong?"

The grandfather looked at him and said, "Everybody know pie are round!"

Monday, June 23, 2008

ENTERTAINMENT: George Carlin Died

This is from me, NOT some reprinted from somewhere else. - OlderMusicGeek

Some people have said George Carlin has passed on or that we lost him. Well, neither are true. He's dead, maybe even screaming up at us.


I have to admit I haven't listen or watched George Carlin much in the last 20 years.

And that's unfortunate, because from what I have seen and read, he was still putting out some very good and funny material.


I guess in some ways, I had felt I had outgrown George Carlin. George said, "I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately." And that was great in my teens and 20's.

But as you get older, you find rebelling for it's own sake doesn't seem that fun. I remember an interview with Jon Waters, a director who did many gross films in his youth. The interviewer asked him about how his movies weren't the same now that he is older. I don't remember his exact words, but he said something along the lines of making wild films that are gross in your 20's is fun - doing it in your 40's is pathetic.

That's kind the way I felt about listening to George Carlin. I thought I'm willing to stand up for what I believe in and take the heat, but I'm not interested in just shocking people.

And that's what my friends and I used George for, shocking people. "Hey, listen to this." "Listen to this comedian rattle off these cuss words." George Carlin and Cheech and Chong were our mild, white, midwestern way of rebelling! We loved it because we knew our parents and teachers didn't!

Well, when I didn't need to shock anybody anymore, I thought there was no need for George. Unfortunately, what I didn't realize - was that George wasn't shocking people just for shock's sake either. George was also standing up for what he believed in and taking whatever heat came with it.

So then after a few interviews and a couple of HBO specials, I finally realized that. But I still never watched him much. "Ehh, I catch it later. I don't have the time now." Unfortunately, now that there will be no new material, I might be able to catch up on his stuff.

George Carlin didn't believe in an afterlife. Hopefully, he's wrong, because he deserves a good place in it.

George Carlin’s Secret News from ‘When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops
Announcer: Good Evening ladies and gentlemen, it’s time for the secret news.
Ssshhh.
Here’s the secret news:
All people are afraid.
No one knows what they’re doing.
Everything is getting worse.
Some people deserve to die.
Your money is worthless.
No one is properly dressed.
At least one of your children will disappoint you.
The system is rigged.
Your house will never be completely clean.
All teachers are incompetent.
There are people who really dislike you.
Nothing is as good as it seems.
Things don’t last.
No one is paying attention.
The country is dying.
God doesn’t care.
Ssshhh.


A link to George Carlin's home page
An interview with George Carlin from NPR's Fresh Air

Friday, February 15, 2008

CULTURE/SOCIETY: Honey, I'm Home

This is a Valentine's Day post from the blog, The Sneeze. - OlderMusicGeek

Stevie's Home! (A Valentine's Love Tip)

A long time ago when my wife was my girlfriend and we were LIVING IN SIN, a tradition was born. I'd like to now share it with you all.

I came home from work one day and found her in front of the computer. I said "Hello," and she barely grunted back. I don't even think she looked up.

Half-jokingly I responded, "Okay, we're gonna try this again." I walked out the front door and came back in a few moments later...

"STEVIE'S HOME, STEVIE'S HOME!!! YAY!!!" was the new over-the-top cheer I was greeted with. It was accompanied by a hug and kisses. And I loved it.

What began as a joke quickly became an ongoing practice that continues to this day in our house: The person who is home first must make a small fuss when the other person gets there.

Does it sound silly? Yes. Do I promise that it will set the tone for a nicer evening just about every time you do it? Yes.

The world is full of douchebags, guys. Take 3 seconds out of your precious day to make a fuss over each other. Do it like you mean it. Do it as a goof. Just do it a lot. I promise you'll be glad you did.


A link to the original post
A link to a follow up post on The Sneeze

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

HUMOR: An Exchange of Emails at Work about Having a Good Night

Here's another exchange of emails from my work. - OlderMusicGeek.

My supervisor to my department:
Please do not submit your production sheets until you are getting ready to walk out the door. This should be the last thing you do before clocking out at the end of the day.

-Complete production sheet
-E-mail production sheet
-Sign into webclock and clock out
-Go home and have a good night.

Please don't submit your production sheets early. Let me know if you have any questions.

Thanks.

Me to my supervisor:
Will we get in trouble if we don't have a good night? :)

My Supervisor to me:
Maybe.

Me to my supervisor:
Boy, I better talk to my daughter about her behavior then. :)

Me to Ex-Marine Co-Worker:
Do you think we will get in trouble if we do NOT have a good night?

Ex-Marine Co-Worker to me:
I'm not sure. Do we get a raise for an excellent night?

Me to Ex-Marine Co-Worker:
I don't think we better take these inquiries any further - could get us in trouble!

Me to Ex-Marine Co-Worker:
You know, now that I think about it - I don't think it's any of work's business what kind of night I have. ( lol - "work's business" - I made a pun!) If I want to have a lousy night at my own home, I should be able to!

I later stopped by my co-worker's desk and said, "This is just work interfering in my personal life too much! If I want to have a miserable night, I should be allowed to! I'm off the clock!"

To which he responded, "Give it up, Dan! Give it up!"

Sunday, October 08, 2006

CULTURE/SOCIETY and SCIENCE: Results to a Personality Test

This is the result of a test from Similiarminds.com that compares your feelings on various personal things to the ways others answered.

statement
%male %female

I am embarrassed to have people see my home.

92%
91%

All the problems I have had in life have been my fault.

82%
86%

I act without planning.

80%
82%

I am not easily annoyed.

77%
85%

I absolutely do not want to be average.

76%
79%

I don't respect people with strong ties to organizations, groups, or even family.

74%
86%

I think marijuana should be legalized.

73%
80%

I expect people that care about me to be very accommodating to my sensitive feelings.

73%
64%

I focus on what's missing in my life or me.

72%
74%

Fun is the most important thing in life.

69%
76%

People have trouble reading me and that's fine with me.

68%
76%

I am always in the same mood.

68%
81%

I am very adventurous.

68%
75%

I am easily intimidated.

67%
60%

I am always joking.

65%
71%

I am a large-sized person.

65%
70%

I choose friends whose loyalty I can predict.

63%
62%

I think emotions can pollute objectivity.

61%
70%

I act quickly without thinking.

57%
54%

I don't follow the rules.

55%
64%

I am very good at saving money.

54%
57%

I am socially awkward.

52%
58%

I don't like when things don't make sense.

51%
49%

I am more attentive than physical or cerebral.

48%
44%

I feel the need to adhere to the standards of correct behavior.

48%
48%

I am not always honest with myself.

46%
39%

My thoughtfulness and charitable nature are my foundation.

46%
36%

I do not understand the world enough.

44%
38%

I am frequently helping others but I forget about myself.

43%
37%

I am good at getting people to have fun.

41%
36%

I think people would not like me if they really knew me.

39%
37%

I act at the expense of others.

38%
42%

I like to look weird.

37%
42%

I am easily confused.

37%
28%

I am a creature of habit.

36%
37%

I have a lot of energy.

35%
35%

I am defensive.

35%
33%

My life is defined by loneliness.

35%
42%

It hurts to see people who have what I want.

33%
33%

I am easily influenced.

30%
27%

People sometimes don't appreciate all the work I do for them.

29%
29%

I go after what I want.

24%
24%

I frequently make fun of people.

23%
31%

I don't like happy people.

20%
23%

I am devoted to religion.

20%
18%

I am demanding.

18%
18%

I am often late to work.

16%
16%

I am easily frightened.

11%
6%

I am strongly influenced by the good moods of others.

7%
3%

I wish I was better looking.

2%
2%

Saturday, August 26, 2006

HUMOR: For Those Who Enjoy Language (Or Severe Distortions Thereof)

This is an old email sent to me by The Sassy Witch. - OlderMusicGeek

Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.

A backward poet writes inverse.

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon vu: the same mustard as before.

Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.

What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway.)

In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.

She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

Every calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted - It taint yours and it taint mine.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

A plateau is a high form of flattery.

A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at
large.

Once you've seen one huge shopping center, you've seen a mall.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

Friday, August 11, 2006

CULTURE/SOCIETY: Good Housekeeping Article from 1955

My girlfriend, The Sassy Witch, sent me this. I found humorous enough to pass on.

My favorite part is "Don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night." Oh, why did things have to change?!


Saturday, April 15, 2006

ENTERTAINMENT: My Girlfriend's Books!

My girlfriend, The Sassy Witch, has just published her 2nd book, Too Many Clowns, Not Enough Circuses. A great and wonderful book, so everyone should rush to amazon.com or barnesandnoble.com to buy a copy right now. Com’on, you can take my word for it! You can’t? Fine, I’ll tell you a little more about both books.

The new book, Too Many Clowns, Not Enough Circuses, is about the adventures and misadventures she had while using a phone dating system and about the interesting and different (in more than one way) men she met. She comes across as if she were describing these events to a friend making it a fun read. It also contains handy advice for any women thinking of doing the same. I think single women, and women who have been there, would get quite a kick out of it as well as men who want some insight into what women want.

Link to Barnes and Noble for Too Many Clowns, Not Enough Circuses
Link to amazon.com for Too Many Clowns, Not Enough Circuses

Her first book, The Secrets in My Home, is a very different book. This book is about a traumatic event which tore apart her marriage and caused her daughter to be separated from her father. Using her entries for her journal, it describes the first six months after the event. It’s raw and intense some times, but not a difficult read. It’s also a short book, but still carries quite a wallop. (Oh, yes, her daughter wanted me to let you know that her poetry is also in the book!)

Link to Barnes and Noble for The Secrets in My Home
Link to amazon.com for The Secrets in My Home

She has also started her own blog, The Creative Musing of a Sassy Witch! Unfortunately, she went into back surgery right after starting it, so there isn’t too much there right now, but trust me, once she gets going, it will be a blog well worth reading.

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