HUMOR - X-Men and the GLBT...

HUMOR - How The Media Will Report The Apocalypse

http://www.buzzfeed.com/tomphillips/how-the-media-will-report-the-apocalypse

It’s the end of the world as we know it.

Tom PhillipsBuzzFeed Staff

In early 2014, a series of devastating catastrophes bring about Armageddon. Papers of record like the New York Times soberly report this news.

The Guardian tries to provide comprehensive live coverage of the end of days.

Of course, there’s still plenty of celebrity news to keep people occupied.

Others look for a positive message amidst the gloom.

…and naturally, NPR goes on a pledge drive.

For more: http://www.buzzfeed.com/tomphillips/how-the-media-will-report-the-apocalypse

POLITICS: Bat Boy to be Romney's VP

“Bat Boy is from West Virginia and really understands the struggles that the middle class is going through,” said a Romney advisor. ”With Bat Boy on the ticket, the Republicans should be able to carry the south, the midwest and all the Hollywood who all love mutants.

http://weeklyworldnews.com/politics/47509/bat-boy-to-be-romneys-vp/

CULTURE/SOCIETY: More Of "The World's Only Reliable Christmas News"

Here's some articles on Christmas by The World Weekly News that I miss last time. I edited the articles down. - OlderMusicGeek

BAT DUO CLIMBS ROCKEFELLER TREE
Posted on Friday, December 12th, 2008
By Gerry Dorsey

NEW YORK, NY – As a means of celebrating both Christmas and Britney’s recent success, the bat pair have done the unthinkable.

Batney and Bat Boy have been spending time in New York City this week, and the trip has culminated in a death-defying act of climbing the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree!

When Bat Boy finally reached up and touched the Swarovski crystal star, the crowd went wild, embracing each other and crying with relief over the duo’s safety.

Unfortunately, the tourists were too swept up in emotion to notice Bat Boy and Batney rolling the star down the side of the tree directly into a waiting pick-up truck. The rascals hopped in and high-fived before Batney sped off, leaving the crowd in stunned silence.

The star was later discovered hanging from the ceiling in the Times Square Toys ‘R Us.

The pointy-eared criminals are still at large.

A link to the complete article

PhD APE JR. ANALYZES SANTA
Posted on Wednesday, December 24th, 2008
By Samuel T. Westbrook

NEW YORK, NY – Holiday shoppers at Macy’s Department Store were surprised this week when PhD Ape brought his son and niece to meet Santa for the first time.

Junior was excited to sit in Santa’s lap and tell him what he wants for Christmas. PhD Ape’s niece Bobo managed to sit still long enough to take a photo with Santa before running off to eat the candy cane picket fence in front of Santa’s Workshop.

“Junior wouldn’t tell me what he asked for,” PhD Ape told reporters outside Macy’s. “But I’m pretty sure it involved bananas, a rope swing, and a Wii Fit.”

“If he’s a good boy, he’ll also have asked for new slippers and a box of Cubans for his father.” PhD Ape said with a wink.

During his lunch break, reporters asked Santa about meeting the young ape children.

“It was a little unnerving, to be honest. I thought they were adorable, sweet little things, but then Junior asked me if I have daddy issues and if that’s why I feel the need to provide children with love and presents.”

“He asked if I crave the approval of my peers. He is definitely his father’s son.”

A link to the original site

NORTH POLE REQUESTS BAILOUT
Posted on Thursday, December 18th, 2008
By Reginald Cunningham III

WASHINGTON, DC - Santa Claus has requested a $14 million federal bailout to avoid a crash which could cancel Christmas.

The struggling world economy and increased costs of reindeer feed are cited as reasons why the North Pole is facing its first ever budget crisis. Santa Claus spoke before Congress this week, requesting a portion of the $700 billion federal bailout fund to make sure Christmas can go ahead as usual.

Some representatives are highly critical of the request. Jim DeMint (R. S.C) said, “Their business model brings in no income, they just give everything away. I’m amazed they got this far.”

Elf Unions are believed to be the cause of a hold up on a final deal.

Critics say that the United Elvin Workers are responsible for the North Pole’s collapse, demanding lavish wages for its workers. However, research shows that the average elf gladly works 16 hours a day in exchange for food and shelter. The last formal complaint made by the union requested five-minute song breaks every hour, extra tinsel allowances and improved handicapped bathroom access.

When asked if he would be using confidential information from his “Naughty List” to sway his opponents, Mr. Claus said “Right now all options are on the table.” Senator Norm Coleman squirmed in his seat.

A link to the complete article

SANTA FROZEN
Posted on Wednesday, December 24th, 2008
By Reginald Cunningham III

NORTH POLE - Santa Claus has yet again been frozen in a block of ice.

Delaying critical Christmas preparation, the elf union is working overtime to thaw out the yule time celebrity.

After going on his traditional pre-holiday bender, Santa drunkenly fell asleep outside the reindeer stables and was quickly frozen in a solid block of ice.

Experts believe he may have been hitting the bottle harder than usual due to his difficulty in receiving a federal bailout. Unsubstantiated reports say that Mrs. Claus may have been one of the unlucky victims taken in by the Madoff financial scheme.

UPDATE: Through a miraculous combination of teamwork and ingenuity, Santa Claus was saved and Christmas proceeded as scheduled.

Numerous attempts to free Santa from inside a giant block of ice failed. Blowtorches refused to start as a surprise blizzard came roaring through. Hammers and chisels made hardly a dent in the solid ice.

Finally, a daring combination of fresh chocolate chip cookies and gamma radiation saved the day. Head of the North Pole research department Sprinkles Von Bohrstein came up with the holiday saving idea to combine Santa’s favorite treat with a gamma powered “Cheer Emitter.” Mrs. Claus made up a fresh batch of chocolate chip cookies and placed them in front of the frozen Santa. Then Von Bohrstein aimed the experimental device at him, hoping the ice could be broken from the inside out.

Immediately results could be seen as Santa become hotter from the radiation and began to grow in size. With the thunderous crash of ice the mutated Santa Claus shattered his icy prison with a bellowing “Ho HO HOOOO!”

Other Holidays articles:
OBATMA CELEBRATES KWANZAA
MADOFF SPENDS HANNUKAH WITH ALIEN


A link to all my Christmas posts

Merry Christmas or whatever holiday you're celebrating!
MY CHRISTMAS INTERNET RADIO STATIONS
OlderMusicGeek Radio - Christmas Edition
OlderMusicGeek Radio - Christmas Rock and Punk Edition
OlderMusicGeek's Christmas QuickMix
powered by PANDORA
But if you don't have Pandora, you can hear some of songs at http://www.playlist.com/oldermusicgeek

CULTURE/SOCIETY: "The World's Only Reliable News" On Christmas

Thank the god, we have The World Weekly News to keep us abreast of important Christmas news like the following! - OlderMusicGeek

BAT BOY SCARES MALL SANTA
Posted on Friday, November 28th, 2008
By Allie Pruitt

BALTIMORE, MD - Bat Boy’s attempts at fitting in for the holidays have again failed miserably.

A lull in the line occurred when the children heard Best Buy had just received a shipment of Rock Band 2. Bat Boy, hiding in the cover of the giant Christmas tree, saw his one chance and took it. He scurried up to Santa, shrieking with excitement, and tried to hand over his guano-covered list.

Seeing only a blur of big pointy ears and sharp teeth, the mall Santa took off at high-speed, making it to the food court before tripping over his baggy red pants and crashing head first into the Cinnabon stand.

OBAMA INVITES ALIEN CHOIR TO WHITE HOUSE
Posted on Monday, December 8th, 2008
By Samuel T. Westbrook

WASHINGTON, DC - President-Elect Obama asserted influence this weekend, advising President Bush on which holiday choir to pick for the White House - and they’re aliens!

The Qwoak Intergalactic Boys Choir, famous for their recent holiday albums “I Saw Mommy Kissing Frozen Santa Claus” and “Rudolph the Twelve Nosed Reindeer,” have been performing choral choirs around the country.

Rahm Emmanuel, Obama’s Chief of Staff, was on the phone with current White House staff to get the Qwoak Intergalactic Boys Choir to be brought on as the official White House Choir this holiday season.

“The President-Elect is committed to using the White House as a platform for advancing and bettering the American culture,” Emmanuel said. “What better way to do that then by introducing Americans to the most talented artists, not just from America, not just from Earth, but the entire galaxy.”

A link to the complete article and original site

ALIENS BUY UP BLACK FRIDAY DEALS
Posted on Friday, November 28th, 2008
By Samuel T. Westbrook

CHICAGO, IL – With the economy continuing its roller-coaster ride this week, retailers are expecting a different type of crowd.

Interplanetary shoppers are anticipated to make up as much as 74% of Black Friday shoppers. Americans are tightening their belts and keeping their wallets pocketed this holiday season as bonuses are cut and lay-offs looming right around the corner.

Although big box retailers like Wal-Mart and Best Buy have not seen significant growth during the financial crisis, online retailers of those same companies, as well as Amazon.com have noted that interplanetary and intergalactic sales are booming.

“If you thought it got ugly when hundreds of mid-westerners rush around a store trying to grab up sale items, just wait until six-armed, three-headed, slime-covered 14-foot tall aliens are fighting over a Tickle-Me Elmo.”

1 Comment For This Post
1. wazntowas says:
November 29th, 2008 at 6:54 pm
OMG, the photographer in this store has to provide the location, the 2nd alien is the one that abducted my cousin and did an anal probe on him.

A link to the complete article and original site

ALIENS USING KOTA TOYS TO DESTROY EARTH
Posted on Friday, December 19th, 2008
By Samuel T. Westbrook

TOKYO, JAPAN – Just days before Christmas, evidence has been found that exposes an alien plot to destroy the Earth and enslave mankind – using toys!

The Kota, a 40-inch robotic baby triceratops, is one of the most in-demand toys this holiday season. The first robot of its kind, a dinosaur children can ride, the Kota has been flying off shelves since its recent release and demand has yet to slow.

Representatives from Playskool, the company that supposedly manufactures and distributes the Kota, have declined to comment on the emerging details regarding a possible alien invasion.

Unnamed sources have leaked details to Weekly World News that some time after Christmas, once all of the Kotas have been opened from their boxes throughout the world, a signal will alert them to “wake up.”



A link to all my Christmas posts

Merry Christmas or whatever holiday you're celebrating!
MY CHRISTMAS INTERNET RADIO STATIONS
OlderMusicGeek Radio - Christmas Edition
OlderMusicGeek Radio - Christmas Rock and Punk Edition
OlderMusicGeek's Christmas QuickMix
powered by PANDORA
But if you don't have Pandora, you can hear some of songs at http://www.playlist.com/oldermusicgeek

SCIENCE: Study Warns of Spreading 'Superbug'

Another article I got on my netvibes.com homepage. This is from The L.A. Times. - OlderMusicGeek

Antibiotic-resistant bacterium that causes severe infections has migrated from hospitals and now kills more Americans than AIDS.
By Thomas H. Maugh II, Los Angeles Times Staff Writer
October 17, 2007

The number of severe infections by a "superbug," known as methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus, isat least twice as high as researchers previously believed, and the bacterium now kills more Americans than AIDS, researchers reported today.

The antibiotic-resistant infections, commonly called MRSA, were once confined to a few hospitals, but a new study by the national Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that in 2005 they made an estimated 94,000 Americans seriously ill and killed almost 19,000, compared with 17,000 who died of AIDS.

The infections have been a growing concern, particularly over the last decade, as they have spread outside hospitals, popping up in prisons, athletic fields and locker rooms.

The study reported that nearly 14% of new antibiotic-resistant staph infections are not linked to hospitals or other medical facilities, indicating that the disease has become ingrained in parts of the wider community.

The finding, reported in the Journal of the American Medical Assn., is the latest evidence of a widespread pattern of increasing drug resistance among a variety of infectious agents, including multi-drug resistant tuberculosis, antibiotic-resistant Clostridium difficile and other once-innocuous organisms.

Most forms of the staph bacterium are easily killed with common antibiotics, such as amoxicillin. But beginning in 1968, researchers began to see variants that required treatment with stronger antibiotics.

Experts attribute the emergence of the superbugs to indiscriminate use of antibiotics, the failure of patients to complete their antibiotic regimens and the use of antibiotics in animal feed. In each case, incomplete eradication of the bacteria leads to mutations that have increased resistance to the drugs.

Confined to the surface of the skin, the bacteria do minimal damage. But in hospitals, nursing homes and dialysis centers, they can hitch a ride inside the body on needles and other invasive devices, spreading through the bloodstream and causing severe illness.

In the same fashion, they can be spread by tattooing and drug use in prisons and by cuts and abrasions on the athletic field.

Infection rates were highest among those older than 65, and African Americans were twice as likely as whites to suffer an infection. In both groups, Klevens said, the higher rates were most likely due to a higher incidence of chronic diseases, which both weaken patients and send them more often to the hospital, where they come in contact with the bacterium.

For infants younger than 1, the rate was four times as high in blacks as in whites.

Healthcare advocates argue that hospitals need to improve hygiene. Some studies, for example, show that hospital workers wash their hands only about half as often as guidelines recommend.

A link to the complete article

HUMOR and ENTERTAINMENT: What I Learned from Science Fiction

1. Radiation doesn't necessarily kill people. It just causes them to turn into hideous mutants that must be killed by the few people who magically escaped the radiation.

2. Radiation doesn't necessarily kill animals. Instead, it usually causes them to increase in size. To such a size, that they can eat people and knock over buildings.

3. There is no threat to world destruction, which a specially placed nuclear explosion can't stop.

4. All aliens are either smooth-skinned, big-headed creatures, reptiles or green.
- If they are the smooth-skinned, big-headed kind, they consider themselves our intellectual superiors who look at us in disgust, and want to enslave us.
- If they are the reptilian kind, they just want to EAT us.
- If they are the green kind, they just want to destroy us and take our planet.

5. In the year 2000, we will be driving around in flying cars.

6. In the year 2000, everyone will have a robot servant to do all the menial chores, but those robots will turn against us.

7. In the year 2000, we will have colonies on the moon, and a flight to the moon will be like a flight to California today.

8. In the distant future, the human race will evolve into smooth-skinned, big-headed creatures who will consider themselves our superiors and look at us in disgust, and probably think we'd make pretty good slaves.

9. Many planets that have never known the human race still have females that are really hot by human standards.

10. You can't be a star ship captain if you aren't buff.

11. Every starship must have a beautiful, hot babe and an aloof scientist type.

12. It is SO possible to travel faster than the speed of light.

13. If you travel back in time, you can't change major events, but you can change minor events. Or if you change major events, it will always make things change for the worse, so you have to go back and fix it.

14. In the future, all clothes will be made out of shiny metallic silvery material.

15. Hair styles will be exactly the same as in the past.

16. People CAN survive a nuclear war.

17. Even though the human race will live in peace and harmony, all the best jobs are taken by white males.

18. Even though the human race will live in peace and harmony with many other alien races, humans, mostly white males, will have all the important jobs.

19. Even though the galaxy is full of different and unique alien races, the race that occurs naturally on many different planets is the human race.

20. Although humans went from using the steam engine to traveling to the moon in about 100 years, it took the other races thousands of years. And because the humans' technology has advanced more quickly than their morals, they are a danger to the other races.


If you can think of any other things science fiction teaches us, please feel free to add onto the list in the comments section.