HUMOR: Santa Controversies

I found this surfing the net. It's from Dickipedia, "a wiki of dicks". - OlderMusicGeek

Environmental

As concerns about global warming increased, so did scrutiny of Santa’s travel methods. Though a sleigh being pulled by reindeer was long thought to be an efficient, or “green” form of transportation, studies found that, in fact, the ozone depletion at the north pole was being accelerated by the methane gas produced by the reindeer, especially Prancer. Also, it was revealed that the other 364 days of the year Santa travels by private jet.

Weight

Since the inception of the story of Santa, societal attitudes about weight and its effects on overall health have also changed. In recent years, Santa underwent dramatic weight loss. He attributed his new physique to “exercise and a disciplined diet planned.” But rumors persisted that the weight loss was, in fact, due to gastric bypass surgery, which Santa adamantly denies.

DUI and racist remarks

In 2006, Santa, driving his sleigh, was pulled over. A test showed that his blood alcohol level was .13, well over the .08 legal limit. Upon being cited by the officer, Santa exploded with rage, reportedly yelling “F*** the Jews. The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world!”

Santa subsequently said that he wanted to “apologize directly to those who have been hurt and offended by those words." He also said that he “pushes the envelope a lot” and “works in a very uncontrolled manner.” He said he is “not racist” and “that’s what so insane about this, and yet it’s said, it comes through, it fires out of me and even now in the passion that’s here as I confront myself.” He promised to “get to the force field of this hostility, why it’s there, why the rage is in any of us, why the trash takes place.”

He also apologized to the “elf community,” and Mrs Claus, and pledged to “meet with leaders of the Jewish faith” to “allow the healing to begin.”

He later blamed the outburst on a substance abuse problem stemming from the overuse of pain relief pills prescribed for a back problem due to his weight. He attended a 30 day rehabilitation program at a clinic called “Promises” in Malibu, California.

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HUMOR and CULTURE/SOCIETY: Bored, Tubby and Mild

Ernest T Spoon sent me an email link for this video. It's from Walt Handelsman at Newsday. - OlderMusicGeek


A link to the original site of the video

HUMOR: New Words

Well, this is an email that I got from Ernest T Spoon. I was able to verify that The Washington Post does indeed have neologism contests, which are sponsored by their columnist Bob Levey - but they are monthly, not yearly. But I wasn't able to verify if these are from that contest.

But I don't care. They're funny. So I'm printing them. Besides - having an English degree, how could I not appreciate them and reprint them? :) - OlderMusicGeek

WARNING: There's a mild swear word at the end - for those of you who don't appreciate that.

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
17. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

These are words from the dictionary altered it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it. (I've been on both sides of this :) - OMG)
6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.
8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
9. Karmageddon (n): its like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer. (This one is my favorite :) - OMG)
10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.
12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
13. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
14. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.
15. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

SCIENCE: Hotel Maids Challenge the Placebo Effect

This is a report from NPR that I found pretty interesting. I edit it to make it read more quickly. Here's a link if you want to read the complete article. - OlderMusicGeek

Hotel Maids Challenge the Placebo Effect
by Alix Spiegel
Morning Edition, January 3, 2008

In a recent study, Harvard psychologist Ellen Langer decided to look at whether our perception of how much exercise we are getting has any effect on how our bodies actually look.

As any casual observer of the hospitality industry knows, hotel maids spend the majority of their days lugging heavy equipment around endless hallways. Basically, almost every moment of their working lives is spent engaged in some kind of physical activity.

But Langer found that most of these women don't see themselves as physically active. She did a survey and found that 67 percent reported they didn't exercise. More than one-third of those reported they didn't get any exercise at all.

Perceptions Matter

Langer says, despite the fact all of the women in her study far exceeded the U.S. surgeon general's recommendation for daily exercise, the bodies of the women did not seem to benefit from their activity.

She and her team measured the maids' body fat, waist-to-hip ratio, blood pressure, weight and body mass index. They found that all of these indicators matched the maids' perceived amount of exercise, rather than their actual amount of exercise.

So Langer set about changing perceptions.

She divided 84 maids into two groups. With one group, researchers carefully went through each of the tasks they did each day, explaining how many calories those tasks burned. They were informed that the activity already met the surgeon general's definition of an active lifestyle.

The other group was given no information at all.

One month later, Langer and her team returned to take physical measurements of the women and were surprised by what they found. In the group that had been educated, there was a decrease in their systolic blood pressure, weight, and waist-to-hip ratio — and a 10 percent drop in blood pressure.

One possible explanation is that the process of learning about the amount of exercise they were already getting somehow changed the maids' behavior. But Langer says that her team surveyed both the women and their managers and found no indication that the maids had altered their routines in any way.

Essentially, what Langer is talking about is a placebo effect. She says that if you believe you are exercising, your body may respond as if it is. It's the same as if you believe you are getting medication when you are actually getting a sugar pill — your body can sometimes respond as if a placebo is actually working.

Placebo Effect Limited?

But Martin Binks, director of behavioral health at the Duke Diet and Fitness Center in North Carolina, says, "There's a very high likelihood that [the maids] behaved differently after they received that information, and they were being more active and eating more healthfully. And that resulted in their improvements in health."

But Binks has a more substantive criticism.

"Generally what placebos work on is subjective types of findings," he says.

In other words, a placebo can help change something like your perception of pain or perhaps your sense of whether you feel depressed, but it can't do something objective like shrink a tumor or cut three pounds off your waistline.

Or can it?

Howard Brody, the director of the Institute for the Medical Humanities at the University of Texas Medical Branch and the author of the book, The Placebo Response, has spent years looking at this issue. He says that a number of relatively new studies challenge the old assumption that the placebo effect alters only subjective perception.

For example, Brody notes one study where researchers gave asthmatic patients a drug that actually makes asthma worse. When they gave the drug to the patients, they told them that it relieves asthma.

"A significant number of those patients said that my asthma got better when you gave them the drug," Brody says, "and they measured better when you measured the lung findings."

Alink to the complete article