HUMOR: How to get kids to quit wasting electricity!

MY LIFE: A simple question about laundry asked out of annoyance!

If things, even after they've been washed, dried and FOLDED, still end up in the dirty clothes, why can't we just toss them? Instead of continually wasting time, water and electricity rewashing and redrying stuff that ends up never getting used, since they automatically end up in the dirty clothes and are NEVER used! Yes, I'm annoyed and frustrated!

SPIRITUALITY/RELIGION and ENTERTAINMENT: What If Someone Punched Jesus In The Face?

I found this this through GodlessGirl's blog. - OlderMusicGeek

CULTURE/SOCIETY and POLITICS: My Earth Day Tradition Continues

This is from me, and not some reprinted material. - OlderMusicGeek

Well, for the second year, I've continued my Earth Day tradition of turning all my electrical stuff off and even unplugging them, so the clocks and little computers in them aren't sucking electricity too.

I did it last year, and my daughter wasn't too thrilled with it. I thought she would never survive the computer withdraw!

Well, this year didn't go much better.

I didn't even realize it was Earth Day until I got at work. I was going to walk on Earth Day, but it was a little late now!

I still went home at lunch and unplugged everything but the fridge!

And at work, I survived without my mp3 player! It was hard, but somehow I managed through!

Then I walked to my daughter's school to get her instead of picking her up with the car. She had called me and said she would meet me half-way.

When I saw someone down the road, I waved. I didn't get a response. So I jumped up and down and waved my arms wildly. She finally waved back.

Then I was thinking, what if it isn't her?

But it was. I told her what I was thinking, and she said that she was thinking that if that wasn't me, she was really going to be scared!

Well, last year, I agreed to go out to eat if we could go somewhere where they didn't use any power to make the food. My daughter thought of getting untoasted sandwiches at Subway's!

I agreed to do it again this year. So I asked her if she wanted to go straight to Subway's! She did!

So we walked the 2 miles or so that Subway was from her school.

For half the way there, my daughter tried to convince that I should let her on the computer because of all the things she did for Earth Day at her school.

She talked about how she planted a tree and hurt her fingers, how she picked up a park and cut her finger on glass, how they had to learn without overhead projectors and I don't remember what else!

But I held firm.

Well, to fast forward, on the way home from Subway's, my daughter bumped into a school friend at a park and spent the evening playing with there anyway.

And me, not thinking, used the cellphone to talk to an old friend. I thought afterwards, that was using power that I shouldn't be using on Earth Day! Dang, next year, I'll only take emergency calls!

And my daughter did get to get on the computer anyway, because she had some schoolwork to do. But I made her unplug it again once she was finished!

And that was pretty much it! But I did what I could to help the planet for the day!

CULTURE/SOCIETY: How To Survive A Horror Movie

I found these on various websites, each claiming the rules as their own! So I have no idea where any of them really came from! - OlderMusicGeek

- When it appears that you have killed the monster, never check to see if it's really dead.
- If you've just pushed the monster/psychopath/axe murderer in the lake from your boat dock or a bridge, don't lean over to see if he's gone!
- Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.
- Do not keep all your sharpened kitchen knives in one of those wooden blocks on your work surface.
- Never back out of one room into another without looking. It's always behind you.
- If you are running away from the killer/monster, don't even try to start the car. It doesn't matter if the car is brand new, it won't start.
- When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off or go it alone.
- Never accept a job as a camp counselor.
- Never say "Who's there?"
- Kill the Scientist. No matter what else you do, kill him off right away. They always want to study "it," or take "it" back to the corporate masters, or learn from "it" at the expense of comrades lives. Eggheads are always trying to understand the unknown, and get nearly everyone killed doing it. Get a clue, kill the guy with the pocket protector, he's going to sacrifice you anyway.
- If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.
- If you are running for your life and are being chased by a monster/psychopath/axe murderer and you happen to be female, take the high-heeled shoes OFF!
- If you are a girl with long blonde hair, blue eyes and big boobs, well, you are pretty much screwed.
- Union rules permit monsters to follow you but they are not permitted to attack until you have turned around to see if they are there.
- When you're searching a house because you think there's something dangerous there, for God's sake turn the lights on!
- If you're searching for something that caused a mysterious noise and find out that it's just the cat, leave the room immediately if you value your life.
- If you find a town that looks deserted, it's probably that way for a reason. Take the hint and stay away.
- Never say that you'll be right back, because you won't.
- If anything other than water (i.e., blood or thick goo of any color) comes out of a faucet, do not call a plumber. Leave the house immediately.
- Do not take *anything* from the dead.
- When finding a meteor/egg sac/fetal creature of any kind, step away! DO NOT give in to the diabolical urge to poke it with a stick.

The #1 rule for surviving a horror movie: DON'T HAVE SEX!!!

A link to other Halloween posts on my blog

CULTURE/SOCIETY: Which Is Taller? The Flood Waters Or The Tales?

This is from me, not reprinted from somewhere else.

What?! A new blog from me?! Sorry folks, I'm busy. Don't expect too many blogs from me for a while. - OlderMusicGeek

Well, it looks like it's flood times here in my home town.

My first clue was when my daughter woke me up one in the morning, cus someone was pounding on our apartment door. When I got to the door, I felt a wet squish under my feet.

And when I opened the door, there was a neighbor in shorts and a t-shirt, telling we're flooding.

I look around and there's two inches of water in an apartment hallway!


My daughter and I grabbed all the towels we can find and lay them by our apartment door to try to keep more water from leaking in. We run around like maniacs taking everything off the floor, including our computer and all the plugs and wires to it!

Then I check to see if anyone called the management company that owns our building. The maintenance man is there fairly quickly, but the wet vac he has ain't doing much good. Fortunately, a pump is brought over quickly.

Other people in the basement are talking about their bathtubs backing up. I go look and sure enough, brown water is coming up and water is leaking from the bottom of my toilet!

Eventually, the storm passes our town and I sleep. Well, cus of the overflow, some of the sewer pipes were closed. Soon as they're opened, we start flooding again.

And I had put all our wet towel in the bathtub - which has backed up again, covering them with brownish water!

Fortunately, our maintenance man has things under control this time.

And they bring a wet vac later to help dry the carpet. And in a couple of days, it dries out.


But then a bit later, I wake up from a nap to a storm. I quickly get and look out the door!

Yep, two inches of water in the hallway. I call the management company. Then put on my rain poncho and head to our maintenance man's apartment. He meets me on the way, driving with the stuff in his truck.


And today, they are sandbagging downtown, cus they are releasing a bunch of water from our dammed lake.

This makes rumours run wild!

Fifteen years ago, floods overran our water treatment center and the city didn't have water for two weeks! (A link to an article in my home town paper about the flood.)

So anyway, this the downtown river cresting, bridges being sandbagged, downtown worker being sent home, people began to panic.

My cubicle row at work spent the last hour talking about how the heard from someone who heard from someone that the water was being turned off for 24 hours. There was, of course, nothing on the news on the radio. So I continued doing my overtime.

At 4:40 pm, I got an email saying the water was being turned off - in capital letters - "NOW". Four and a half hours later, the city's water is still running!


I have to admit that I probably take these things easier than others in my hometown, because when they were going 2 weeks without water and a while without electricity, I was living in a 2-room building made of sandstone bricks with a tin roof that had no electricity or indoor plumbing, and did so for 2 years. - I was teaching in Africa. - And part of this was during a drought when water was low.

So no water or electricity is a nuisance to me, but not something to panic about!


You know, I used to feel upset about missing an important part of history in my home town and my home state. But if this is the way people were acting 15 years ago, I'm kinda glad I was in Africa.

I can assure you, they weren't going this crazy about the drought. They just did what they had to do, and that was that. Maybe we need to send some southern Africans over here to help out!

HUMOR: How NOT to Test a Taser

I got this as an email from The Formerly Wild Now Christian Co-Worker. I don't know if this story is true or not - and, in fact, neither does Snopes! But it's humorous - true or not, so I'm passing it along. - OlderMusicGeek

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.

I loaded two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the
prongs.

AWESOME!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?! !??

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong???

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another.

The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of
water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5' long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best... I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it master,' reasoning that a one- second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided
to give myself a one-second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button... and??

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!!!??

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again.

I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs.

The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, 'Do it again, stupid, do it again!'

Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself!

You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.

A three-second burst would be considered conservative??

SON-OF-A-... That hurt like **% !!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they get
up there??? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm still looking for my testicles! I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!! Still in shock!!

P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!

'If you think Education is difficult, try being stupid.'

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