CULTURE/SOCIETY: Why Nice Guys Finish Last

I found this when I was checking my mail on yahoo. Can't say I agree 100%, but I think this lady hits it pretty much on the mark. Wish I could send this to back 25, 30 years and give it to myself! But at least I know better now! - OlderMusicGeek

Dating Secret Exposed: Why Nice Guys Finish Last
By April Masini
Special to Yahoo! Personals
Updated: Jun 20, 2008

Are you a nice guy who has always wondered why the cocky guy -- the one who barely appears interested in the girl -- is usually the one who gets the girl?

Have you suffered from hearing the words, "You're a really nice guy, but I only like you as a friend," from a woman who you would do (or may, in fact, have already done) just about anything and everything for -- only to turn around and watch her date (or even chase) a guy who treats her like she's nothing special? And are you stumped wondering why she would date a guy who treats her like that when she could have you who would treat her like a princess and give her everything she wants?

First, "nice" equates with boring and predictable. Look up "nice" in the dictionary and you find: pleasant; agreeable; satisfactory. In other words, average -- not exceptional, not exciting, and not sexy. I'll bet you've never heard a woman say she didn't want to date a guy because he was too confident, too passionate, or too exciting -- have you? But, I'll bet you have heard women say things like, "He's such a nice guy. He's so sweet and he's always there for me, but I only like him as a friend." Or, "He's such a good guy -- kind, thoughtful, generous, honest, loyal -- but there's no chemistry. He just doesn't turn me on." The fact is, Mr. Nice Guy, you cannot bore a woman into feeling attracted to you or into wanting to date you. And as obvious as that sounds, if you are one of those guys I described that is exactly what you are trying to do. And it won't work.

Please understand that I am not suggesting that you mistreat women or disrespect them in any way.

To illustrate what I mean: The answer to the question, "Why does the guy who doesn't appear to care as much about the girl get the girl?" is simple: The nice guy cares too much, too soon. He has made the woman too important and too valuable and it shows in everything he says and does. He is too available, too eager to please, too accommodating, and he gives too much -- all without getting anything in return. By doing so, he has made himself appear desperate, insecure, needy of this woman's attention, affection, and approval -- and he has stripped himself of any value in her eyes. After all, if he's already doing and giving everything, without her doing or giving anything - why would she value him? She won't. She is not going to value him any more than he values himself. What she is going to do is look for someone else, someone who she perceives as being more worthy, more confident, and more valuable.

It works like this: Once you need something, or you want it too badly, you forfeit your strength and lose all power of negotiation. You are in a position of weakness and you are perceived as weak. Someone (or something) else is in control of you, the situation, and it's outcome. Men in this situation appear to be anything but confident, strong, and exciting. More, they are perceived as being unworthy and as lacking value.

Translation: Things that are easily acquired, obtained, or maintained, without any effort or sacrifice, lack value... it's human nature.

The secret to why the cocky guy wins with women, over the nice guy, is that he is perceived as being a stronger, more confident guy with more value. How? He never invests everything -- his entire being, ego, and self-worth in what one woman's response or reaction to him is. He doesn't gush with compliments; he isn't always available; he doesn't give too much; and he knows he isn't going to die if a woman says "no" to him. More, his attitude is, yeah, I'd like to go out with you, but if I can't, that's OK -- I'm a busy guy, with exciting things going on, and lots of other options.

A link to the original site

CULTURE/SOCIETY and HUMOR: In Praise of Older Women

The Formerly Wild Now Christian Co-Worker sent me an email praising women over 40. It was rather schmaltzy piece that Andy Rooney had supposably written. Well, I checked at Snopes.com. It turns out Andy Rooney didn't write it. When asked if he agreed with the piece, he said, "Not particularly." Now THAT sounds like Andy Rooney!

Anyway, the piece of work was actually a schmaltzification of a rather humorous and entertaining piece written by a Frank Kaiser. And I have included most of the original web page below. - OlderMusicGeek.

In Praise of
Older Women By Frank Kaiser

One of the perks of dufferdom is an increased capacity to appreciate people. Friends. Spouses. And, for me, women. All women.

When I was 20, I had eyes only for girls my age. Any woman over 30 was ancient, over 40 invisible.

Today, at 71, I still appreciate the 20-year-old for her youthful looks, vigor, and (occasional) sweet innocence.

But I equally enjoy women of my own age and beyond, and every age in between. I've learned that each has its own special wonders, attractions, magic and beauty.

As I grow in age, I value mature ladies most of all. Here are just a few of the reasons senior men sing the praises of older women:

• An older woman knows how to smile with such brightness and truth, old men stagger.
  
  
• An older woman will never ask out of the blue, "What are you thinking?" An older woman doesn't care what you think.
  
  
• An older woman's been around long enough to know who she is, what she wants, and from whom. By the age of 50, few women are wishy-washy. About anything. Thank God!
  
  
• And yes, once you get past a wrinkle or two, an older woman is far sexier than her younger counterpart!

  Her libido's stronger.

  Her fear of pregnancy's gone.

  Her appreciation of experienced lovemaking is honed and reciprocal.

  And she's lived long enough to know how to please a man in ways her daughter could never dream of. (Young men, you have something to look forward to!)

• Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off that you are a jerk if you're acting like one. A young woman will say nothing, fearing that you might think worse of her. An older woman doesn't give a damn.

  ---

  “If the Lord made anything better than a woman, He kept it for Himself.” — Jerry Lee Lewis

---

• An older, single woman usually has had her fill of "meaningful relationships" and "long-term commitments." Can't relate? Can't commit? She could care less. The last thing she needs in her life is another whiny, dependent lover!
  
  
• Older women are sublime. They seldom contemplate having a shouting match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive dinner. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.
  
  
• Most older women cook well. They care about cleanliness. They're generous with praise, often undeserved.
  
  
• An older woman has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A young woman often snarls with distrust when "her guy" is with other women. Older women couldn't care less.
  
  
• Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to an older woman. Like your mother, they always know.

Yes, we geezers praise older women for a multitude of reasons. These are but a few.

Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal.

For every stunning, smart, well-coifed babe of 75 there's a bald, paunchy relic with his yellow pants belted at his armpits making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress.

Ladies, I apologize for my fellow geezers. That men are genetically inferior is no secret. Count your blessings that we die off at a far younger age, leaving you the best part of your lives to enjoy and appreciate the exquisite woman you've become. Without the distraction of some demanding old fart clinging and whining his way into your serenity.

© Copyright 2000 - 2006—Frank Kaiser

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EDITOR'S NOTE: ON APRIL 2, 2003, I RECEIVED A PHONE CALL FROM ANDY ROONEY OF "60 MINUTES." HE TOO HAS BEEN BOMBARDED BY E-MAIL CONTAINING THE ABOVE COLUMN SIGNED BY "ANDY ROONEY."
HE TOLD ME THAT HE HAD NO IDEA HOW THIS STARTED, THAT HE IS NOT THE AUTHOR OF THIS COLUMN, THAT HE WAS HOPING TO GET TO THE BOTTOM OF IT.

See the Baltimore Sun's Susan Reimer's funny column about this column.

Also see http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/rooney2.asp

---

Of course, a celebrated encomium about older women was penned by a famous American statesman over 250 years earlier, when Benjamin Franklin wrote the piece known to us as "Old Mistresses' Apologue": June 25, 1745

My dear Friend,

I know of no Medicine fit to diminish the violent natural Inclinations you mention; and if I did, I think I should not communicate it to you. Marriage is the proper Remedy. It is the most natural State of Man, and therefore the State in which you are most likely to find solid Happiness. Your Reasons against entring into it at present, appear to me not well-founded. The circumstantial Advantages you have in View by postponing it, are not only uncertain, but they are small in comparison with that of the Thing itself, the being married and settled. It is the Man and Woman united that make the compleat human Being. Separate, she wants his Force of Body and Strength of Reason; he, her Softness, Sensibility and acute Discernment. Together they are more likely to succeed in the World. A single Man has not nearly the Value he would have in that State of Union. He is an incomplete Animal. He resembles the odd Half of a Pair of Scissars. If you get a prudent healthy Wife, your Industry in your Profession, with her good Economy, will be a Fortune sufficient.

But if you will not take this Counsel, and persist in thinking a Commerce with the Sex inevitable, then I repeat my former Advice, that in all your Amours you should prefer old Women to young ones. You call this a Paradox, and demand my Reasons. They are these:

1. Because as they have more Knowledge of the World and their Minds are better stor'd with Observations, their Conversation is more improving and more lastingly agreable.
   
   
2. Because when Women cease to be handsome, they study to be good. To maintain their Influence over Men, they supply the Diminution of Beauty by an Augmentation of Utility. They learn to do a 1000 Services small and great, and are the most tender and useful of all Friends when you are sick. Thus they continue amiable. And hence there is hardly such a thing to be found as an old Woman who is not a good Woman.
   
   
3. Because there is no hazard of Children, which irregularly produc'd may be attended with much Inconvenience.
   
   
4. Because thro' more Experience, they are more prudent and discreet in conducting an Intrigue to prevent Suspicion. The Commerce with them is therefore safer with regard to your Reputation. And with regard to theirs, if the Affair should happen to be known, considerate People might be rather inclin'd to excuse an old Woman who would kindly take care of a young Man, form his Manners by her good Counsels, and prevent his ruining his Health and Fortune among mercenary Prostitutes.
   
   
5. Because in every Animal that walks upright, the Deficiency of the Fluids that fill the Muscles appears first in the highest Part: The Face first grows lank and wrinkled; then the Neck; then the Breast and Arms; the lower Parts continuing to the last as plump as ever: So that covering all above with a Basket, and regarding only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old from a young one. And as in the dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of corporal Enjoyment with an old Woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every Knack being by Practice capable of Improvement.
   
   
6. Because the Sin is less. The debauching a Virgin may be her Ruin, and make her for Life unhappy.
   
   
7. Because the Compunction is less. The having made a young Girl miserable may give you frequent bitter Reflections; none of which can attend the making an old Woman happy.
   
   
8. and Lastly They are so grateful!!

Thus much for my Paradox. But still I advise you to marry directly; being sincerely

Your affectionate Friend. B. Franklin

The original piece written by Frank Kaiser

About how the piece got attributed to Andy Rooney on Snopes.com

A Baltimore Sun article on Andy Rooney's take of all of this

CULTURE/SOCIETY: Men Wearing Pink Shirts

This was in my work's newsletter and I just found it interesting. Can't say I would comfortable wearing a pink shirt. :) - OlderMusicGeek

Pink Shirt Guy (alias to hide where I work) issues the pink shirt challenge

Pink Shirt Guy, programmer/analyst in System Support Services at (business name removed), encouraged his male coworkers in Information Services to step outside their comfort zones last week.

With permission from IS management, Pink Shirt Guy invited IS employees, but males in particular, to wear pink shirts on August 10. “For most guys, wearing the color pink is a big no-no,” he wrote in an e-mail to IS. “For others, it’s a sign of confidence in one’s self.”

Recently, men in IS had been discussing whether they would wear pink, and many said they never would. One of those employees was Tech Support Analyst II. Then he lost a weightlifting bet to Pink Shirt Guy, and his end of the deal was to wear a pink shirt to work. The day Tech Support Analyst II wore the pink shirt, Pink Shirt Guy and Technical Support Intern were wearing pink shirts, too. That’s when Pink Shirt Guy got the idea to propose a pink shirt day to all the men in IS.

Pink Shirt Guy hadn’t been a fan of the color pink until someone bought him a pink shirt, and he made the bold move of wearing it to a job interview. One of the interviewers commented that his choice of attire conveyed confidence. Pink Shirt Guy was later offered the job. “It makes you stand out when you wear a color you don’t usually wear,” he said.

Pink Shirt Guy noticed there were a lot of first-timers Friday, including a few who said they never would wear pink. “As the saying goes, ‘real men wear pink',” he said.