ENTERTAINMENT: Want To Smell Like Kirk?

Meant to do this for Valentine's Day - you know, cus Valentine's Day and Star Trek just go together! - OlderMusicGeek

All big movies - and some smaller ones - have a lot of promotional merchandise, but this is one of the more strange ones: they're coming out with a Star Trek cologne.

So...many...jokes.

The real Trekkie man will be wearing either Tiberius (that's Kirk's middle name), Pon Farr (Vulcan horniness), or Red Shirt (they're the guys that always, um, die when they beam down to another planet).

Why would Star Trek fans need a cologne? They don't go on dates! (Just kidding.)
TV Squad: Hey Kirk, What's That Smell

How would you like to smell like a bad ass Starfleet Captain? Or give off that musky Vulcan mating smell? Well now you can! A tie in with the new Star Trek movie coming out this May will include Star Trek themed colognes. Genki Wear is producing the scents Tiberius, Pon Farr, and Red Shirt. So if you’re looking to woo that special geeky girl you’ve been looking to, ahem, stun with your phaser, this may do the trick. There’s no guarantee that the Tiberius cologne will attract green-skinned alien women, though. And let’s certainly hope that wearing Red Shirt doesn’t mean you’ll get killed off before the end of the date.
Geek Six: Smell, The Final Frontier

Apparently, the "Tiberius," "Pon Farr" and "Red Shirt" fragrances will be available in finer stores starting the spring for an undisclosed price. Start saving guys. After all, who could resist the the enchanting musk of James Tiberius Kirk, the raging hormones of Vulcan pon far or the live-fast, die young personality of a red shirt stock character?

comments...
Dirkfart Faeclefunk: Was this tested on Klingons? "They're animals!"
Jrsy Devil's Food Cake®:Red Shirt... It's the last cologne you'll ever wear...
Gizmodo: Love, Jealousy, Passion...Star Trek Cologne For Men

Star Trek Uno, anyone? Perhaps you’d prefer a Vulcan cookie jar. Or maybe you’d like to buy your man some ... Star Trek cologne? Genki Wear is producing a trio of Star Trek inspired scents: Tiberius, Pon Farr, and Red Shirt. So, if you want your man to smell like Captain Kirk, go into a Vulcan heat, or get down like a red shirt, Star Trek cologne can make it happen. That is, if you’d date a guy who’d wear it.

comments...
Simcha: Bring on the dudes who smell like Kirk!
Chelle: WTF? They make one called “Red Shirt”? What does it smell like, death?
The Frisky: Would You Date A Guy Who … Wears Star Trek Cologne?

Have you ever wanted to smell like a sweaty James Doohan? Well, then, good news! CBS is licensing three Star Trek-themed body fragrances in order to market the new movie in the series.

comment...
Gauldar said: Put a pinch of it on your Vulcan neck.
Neatorama:Star Trek-Themed Cologne Coming Out Soon

Oh yes. GenkiWear is apparently developing three Star Trek-themed fragrances to be released in the spring. For those looking to engage another carbon-based lifeform and boldly go where -- nah, forget it, I'm not going to sit here and use lame Star Trek lines as tired sexual euphemisms. I'm above that. So I'll just say that true nerds can rejoice in their complete devotion to one of the world's nerdiest creations as they spray some "Tiberius" on their wrists. I just hope nobody seriously thinks a scent called "Pon Farr" or "Red Shirt" will help them beam a chick off the bridge and into their bed (it was just too easy!).

comment...
Skyhawk: Yeah baby. What woman can't resist Klingon musk? Oh wait that's actually fanboy B.O. Nevermind.
The Huffington Post: Star Trek Cologne:The Next Generation of Nerdom

Usually I’m confused and upset by rampant movie merchandising. I don’t really need Wall-E themed kleenex, or a James Bond Omega watch. OK, scratch that. I’d like an Omega James Bond watch, but there’s no way I could afford it.

Anyways.

Despite my antipathy towards this kind of branding exercise, I find myself oddly excited over the news that the a new line of men’s cologne will be accompanying the new Star Trek film, due out in May. The three scents - “Red Shirt”, “Pon Farr” and “Tiberius” - conjure the muskiness of command, Vulcan mating rituals, and Captain Kirk respectively.

Now, you might be asking yourself “which Star Trek scent is right for me?” Well, this is a deeply personal decision, one you must come to after hours of painful introspection. For me, the choice is clear. If I wear “Red Shirt”, my odds of dying on an away mission increase exponentially. And as I understand it, “Pon Farr” can only be worn once every seven years, and will necessitate some sort of grim battle to the death.

No, “Tiberius” is the Trek cologne for Graeme. Because really, who doesn’t want to smell like Captain James T(iberius). Kirk? A galaxy full of sexy and occassionally green space-babes can’t be wrong!

Nunc Scio: WANT: Star Trek Cologne

I am not prepared to live in a world wear there is Star Trek-themed perfume, okay? Forget the "Red Shirt" one, because it assumably will smell like sweat and fear and having just pissed yourself in fear, but "Pon Farr"? The Vulcan mating time, when they basically hump anything that moves? How was this not recognized as the worst idea in the entire world immediately? Also, how can you wear a scent based on James T. Kirk, the galaxy's greatest poonhound, and not get fucked to death by hot green-skinned alien women?

Okay, "Tiberius" might be okay. But I highly disapprove of the others.

comments:
Scott said: Does Pon Farr burn you when you put it on, causing you unbearable pain until you get some tail?
Zach Oat said: "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the C.K.One."
ZeroCorpse said: Other Trek scents I'm looking forward to: Tribble, Mudd, Horta, KHAAAAAAAAAN!
telezombie said: Dude....if they made Khan I would so buy that by the gallon and bathe in it daily.
Topless Robot: Who Wants to Smell Like a Rutting Vulcan?

SCIENCE: Gorillas Lovers Lock Eyes

This is form Time. I found it through my NetVibes home page. - OlderMusicGeek

Gorillas in a Tryst
Wednesday, Feb. 13, 2008
By BRYAN WALSH

Leah was staring at George. A series of rapid, pulsating whimpers escaped her lips. She then drew near to George, who locked gazes with her, his face unreadable. His shoulders were relaxed, and when Leah was within his grasp he opened his right arm and embraced her. Leah lay on the ground and George looked into her eyes. He bent over to lie on her, while Leah wrapped her legs around George's waist...

Is this a missing letter from the Penthouse Forum? The steamy section of a well-thumbed romance novel? Try neither: The scene is actually taken from the April 2007 issue of the Gorilla Gazette, a primatology journal. Leah and George aren't star-crossed lovers caught in mid-tryst. They're western gorillas in Nouabale-Ndoki National Park in the Republic of Congo, observed by primatologists whose interest is far more scientific than it is prurient. There's reason to watch — Leah and George's moment in the Mbeli Bai forest clearing, captured on film by a team of scientists from the Max Planck Institute in Germany and the Wildlife Conservation Society, is one of the only times gorillas have been seen mating face-to-face, rather than face-to-back. "It's an extremely rare behavior," says Thomas Breuer, the primatologist who photographed the pair through a telelens. "We haven't seen this in 13 years of observation. If you look at the photos it's a very nice piece of action."

I have, and it is. But what does the act mean? Is it a one-off, or the start of a gorilla sexual revolution? Breuer is hesitant to draw any conclusions, noting that scientists observe just a sliver of the life of wild gorillas, but he speculates that face-to-face mating (also known as "ventro-ventral copulation," for the Latinists out there) might engender a deeper relationship between the silverback male, George, and Leah, the female. After the mating was finished (roughly 2 mins., about par for the course for your average silverback), Breuer even observed George holding Leah's hand. Apparently, even the world's largest primates like the occasional cuddle. "Maybe there's a way the act forms a kind of bond between the silverback and the female," he says. "But we just don't know."

That might be unlikely — male gorillas, after all, are happily polygynous, mating with multiple females in their group. (It's good to be the silverback.) But there might just be something special about Leah. Breuer had earlier observed Leah (named inexactly after Princess Leia of Star Wars) using a crude tool — another first — testing out the depth of a pond with a long stick, rather than simply diving in. The very humanness of her experimentation struck him. "That observation was so interesting," says Breuer. "Very often they find solutions to problems in the same way as you or I would."

Perhaps that's why we find such stories so fascinating. More than just our neighbors on the evolutionary tree, primates are our doubles in the animal world. We look into their eyes and we see ourselves, and even experienced scientists who've spent years observing them struggle to avoid falling into the trap of anthropomorphism. It would be nice to believe, on a Valentine's Day, that when George and Leah lock eyes, they know a little bit of what we might feel when we look upon our loved one. And perhaps they do. But they don't need to. The life of a wild gorilla, caught only in glimpses from a distance, has richness and mystery that is wholly sufficient to itself, and which we'll never fully know.



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