BadMovies.org's entry for Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter
The Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter website from the people who made the movie
The Internet Movie Database's entry for Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter
Allmovie.com's entry for Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter
A comicbook review for a REAL comic...
Loaded Bible: Jesus vs. Vampires One-Shot
Writer: Tim Seeley
Pencils: Nate Bellegarde
Finishes: Mark Englert
“In the near future, the United States is ruled by bloodsucking vampire hordes and only one man can end their reign of terror.”
“What would Jesus do?”
“He’d kick Vampire ass.”
Plot: After 9/11, Americans who fear Muslim extremists vote in a president that they feel will allow Christianity to rule the day over these “heathens”. This president attacks foreign countries in the name of God and puts down these devil hordes. When people begin to realize that vampires are among us the government creates a special council to defeat them.
When the vampires attempt to assassinate the council, all hell breaks loose and they nuke everything. In the future, Jesus comes down to save the human race from these vampires (who survived because they are immune to radiation) in the form of a sword wielding action hero with a message.
*48 Christ-tacular pages*
Review: (sarcasm alert) Thank God. It is about time that a comic book, television show, news story, etc. comes out that denigrates our government and attempts to reduce Christianity to a bunch of catchy slogans and bumper stickers. I was starting to wonder if someone would ever be courageous and “edgy” enough to attempt it. Kudos…
Now that I got that out of my system, let’s actually review the book. The above rant notwithstanding, I actually enjoyed the book. Very well rounded characters, beautiful artwork by Nate Bellegarde and Mark Englert, and as an action story I was turning the pages at a pretty quick pace. The bad puns and heavy-handed anti-establishment panels were a little much. The only thing missing was a reference to “kicking ass for the lord”. But that would have just been silly.
At least Tim Seeley seems to have a sense of humor about what he is doing. The action and the message are evenly dispersed throughout the book without ever mixing so it is easy to move past the sermons (irony) and on to Jesus kicking a little ass. You should pick up this book if you agree with the political opinion of its writer or are just a person that really can’t take political messages in a book about a sword wielding Jesus killing vampires very seriously. Because, in context, it is actually a pretty good read.
A link to the review
Yahoo! Answers: Was Jesus a Vampire?
Well think about it. In order for someone to gain eternal life and immortality they had to drink Jesus' blood. Is that the ritual that vampires have in order to make someone become a vampire and therefore gain immortality? This would mean that Jesus was a vampire that sacrificed his own blood to feed everyone else with. Or am I wrong about the vampire mythology or the biblical mythology?
He could have also been a werewolf. He killed himself to save others, and commanded they consume his flesh like a werewolf would do. Nasty huh? Christianity sounds like a grotesque cannibalistic death cult.
Some of the more interesting answers she got...
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
Alice Chaos: Interesting analogy. It does seem a bit ghoulish to take communion, if put that way! I'm basically Christian, yet I wonder just how different things are from what was supposed to be.
DrCoraline: Ask Anne Rice, she would know.
cha0s: You have been watching a lot of Buffy: The Vampire Slayer, haven't you? Or Underworld, both are equally idiotic, though the chick in Underworld is hot. Oh well....
some random guy: lmao. That's cute. And did you know Santa claus is part of the Illumnati formed to keep the masses uneducated?
A link to the page with people's various answers
Jesus was Gother than You: The Proof
A link to the Jesus was Gother than You: The Proof website
From the Uncyclopedia...
Some theologians and religious scholars have argued that certain translations of the Gospel, as well as some parts of other translations, point to the possibility that Jesus came back not as a zombie, but as a vampire. If this is true, certain parts of the Gospel that seemed a bit odd could be easily explained. Such as the fact that Zombie(?) Jesus was not killed by a shovel in the head, as his head was not actually completely removed, and his apparent desire to have his followers drink his blood (something zombies have no taste for, as they can't chew it). This would also explain the inherent fear of crosses that all vampires seem to have.
The debate over whether Jesus came back as a zombie or a vampire caused yet another schism in the Christian Church, and forming two new Christian denominations: Zombie Christians and Vampire Christians. About half of the population of Vampire Christians claim that they converted because "Vampires are just so much more awesome than zombies". These people were insane, of course. Zombies are far superior.
A link to the complete Zombie Jesus entry in The Uncyclopedia
Answerbag Question: Jesus resurrected - zombie or vampire?
By The Devils Own
Asked Jul 27 2007 12:17AM
some answers that were given...
nvg70: Well according to my friends who are vampires, they say zombie. Hahahahahaha, but I don't think he ever rose up from the dead. He would have to have been bitten, or he would have to have been raised my a necromancer.
DuchyVonChops is proud to be Irish ABFB: Zombie, never did buy into the vampire thing.
Ender is happy: Well, whichever one sucks the fun out of life.. Probably a vampire.
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