CULTURE/SOCIETY and HUMOR: An Interesting Army Holiday Story

This is from my work newsletter. - OlderMusicGeek

One employee’s travel ordeal was so risky he asked that his name not be shared. Brock (not his real name) writes in an e-mail that his story began when his doctor told him, “If we can prevent infection, we won’t have to amputate.”

It was December 18, and Brock was serving in the U.S. Army in Europe. He had been evacuated to the U.S. military hospital in Landstuhl, in what was then West Germany. His injury was so serious it made one medic turn green but was not serious enough for him to be sent stateside for treatment. Much to his disappointment, Brock’s doctor wanted him to stay until December 28.

Brock did not want to spend Christmas in a military hospital. Landstuhl (Germany) Regional Medical Center pictured today.

Spending Christmas in a military hospital overseas was not a festive prospect for the young soldier. “I had to find a way back to my unit, now more than 120 miles away,” he says.

As he signed into Hospital Ward 4C and was issued his hospital pajamas, he noticed a small phone booth near the nurses’ desk. He also noticed he was the only patient who was not bed-bound and that none of the patients looked like they wanted to be spending Christmas in the hospital.

He received permission to call his unit. Brock pleaded with the staff duty officer of his unit to send someone to get him. A nurse overheard his attempted hospital break, and Brock says his uniform and boots were confiscated shortly afterward.

Looking forward to the change from Army C-rations to tasty hospital food, he was disappointed to be placed on a strict liquid diet as a potential surgery patient. “My fellow patients and I discussed our favorite holiday foods while I sank my teeth into lukewarm chicken broth,” he says.

On December 21, the duty nurse asked for suggestions to improve the patient morale in the hospital ward. After Brock suggested going to the Noncommissioned Officers (NCO) Club across the street for a beer or two, his hospital slippers were confiscated.

“The next day the nurses decided that if the patients weren’t in a festive spirit being in the hospital over Christmas, then they would make us happy and jolly,” he says.

After a nutritious breakfast of Jell-O, Brock was drafted into helping hang decorations around the hospital ward. After all, he was the only patient who could walk. “We had no Christmas tree; the best we could come up with was an IV pole with green paper and tinsel,” he says.

When the decorations failed to improve morale that afternoon, the nurses decided to try Christmas music. A scratchy tape of holiday songs recorded from the Armed Forces Network radio broadcasts was piped into the hospital ward, Brock says. The tape featured a small selection of songs, including “I’ll be Home for Christmas.” It was obvious none of the patients would be home for Christmas.

Brock and his fellow patients staged a protest after being forced to listen to “I’ll be Home for Christmas” and “Silver Bells” too many times.

The next day, Brock and his co-conspirators, “Stitches” (76 stitches in each leg from a jeep accident), “T-Bone” (fractured femur, same accident), “Halo” (in traction for a broken neck, and not much of a talker), and “Dewey” (hit by a DUI driver while in a crosswalk on base) worked out a plan to end their torment.

The next time Bing Crosby sang “Silver Bells,” they all simultaneously hit their call buttons for the nurses in perfect timing with the bells playing the melody line. When they told the angry nurses they were trying to get in the spirit of Christmas by participating in the song, the nurses decided to punish them by not playing any more Christmas music.

Brock’s morale improved even more when he learned his unit was sending a jeep for him and it would arrive by 8 p.m. that night. He could be back with his unit by the morning of Christmas Eve. “Surprisingly, the nurses did not wish me a Merry Christmas as I was signed out of the hospital ward to await my transportation,” he says.

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