HUMOR: Santa Controversies

I found this surfing the net. It's from Dickipedia, "a wiki of dicks". - OlderMusicGeek

Environmental

As concerns about global warming increased, so did scrutiny of Santa’s travel methods. Though a sleigh being pulled by reindeer was long thought to be an efficient, or “green” form of transportation, studies found that, in fact, the ozone depletion at the north pole was being accelerated by the methane gas produced by the reindeer, especially Prancer. Also, it was revealed that the other 364 days of the year Santa travels by private jet.

Weight

Since the inception of the story of Santa, societal attitudes about weight and its effects on overall health have also changed. In recent years, Santa underwent dramatic weight loss. He attributed his new physique to “exercise and a disciplined diet planned.” But rumors persisted that the weight loss was, in fact, due to gastric bypass surgery, which Santa adamantly denies.

DUI and racist remarks

In 2006, Santa, driving his sleigh, was pulled over. A test showed that his blood alcohol level was .13, well over the .08 legal limit. Upon being cited by the officer, Santa exploded with rage, reportedly yelling “F*** the Jews. The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world!”

Santa subsequently said that he wanted to “apologize directly to those who have been hurt and offended by those words." He also said that he “pushes the envelope a lot” and “works in a very uncontrolled manner.” He said he is “not racist” and “that’s what so insane about this, and yet it’s said, it comes through, it fires out of me and even now in the passion that’s here as I confront myself.” He promised to “get to the force field of this hostility, why it’s there, why the rage is in any of us, why the trash takes place.”

He also apologized to the “elf community,” and Mrs Claus, and pledged to “meet with leaders of the Jewish faith” to “allow the healing to begin.”

He later blamed the outburst on a substance abuse problem stemming from the overuse of pain relief pills prescribed for a back problem due to his weight. He attended a 30 day rehabilitation program at a clinic called “Promises” in Malibu, California.

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