THE MALEBOLGE, NETHER REGIONS OF DARKNESS—Noting the incredible rate at which the community has grown, sources confirmed Thursday that Hell, the Endless Kingdom of Misery, is now a booming haven of gay culture...
“I’ve only been here for a few months, but I’ve already fallen in love with it,” said 49-year-old Daniel Edelson, adding that he has already befriended hundreds of fellow gay men and women in the accursed underworld, all of whom have welcomed him with open arms. “The streets of fire and brimstone are full of so many great cafés, restaurants, bakeries, independent bookstores, and of course plenty of gay bars and clubs. There’s just so much to do.”
“My favorite place is this wonderful little promenade along the River Styx, where couples always take walks together on the weekends,” continued Edelson. “I’d say this is easily the most LGBT-friendly place I’ve ever lived.”...
Hell has been widely celebrated by gay rights leaders for its far-reaching acceptance of alternative lifestyles, and residents told reporters it is incredibly common to see a rainbow flag hanging over various shop awnings, in car windows, or atop thrones of blood-soaked bones and rotting flesh. Additionally, the Inferno’s Gay Pride Parade, held every July in the Second Circle, is noted for its extravagance and high attendance rate...
“The gay community has really flourished here, and I have to say, they’ve been great for the place,” said Nephirem the Malevolent, a 10,000-year-old, 70-foot-tall minotaur who has resided in hell since rising from the ashes of a smokeless flame. “At the end of the day, they’re just like anyone else. Everyone has the right to express their love for whomever they want. They don’t bother me in the slightest, and if anything, we in the Dark Lord’s Army encourage any and all public displays of affection between same-sex couples.”
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