HUMOR and CULTURE/SOCIETY: Bar Room Translations

I got this from my old friend, Ernest T Spoon. I'm not much of a bar hopper myself, but from what few times I have spent in bars, these ring pretty true to me. Enjoy.

1. "YOU GET THIS ONE, NEXT ROUND IS ON ME."
(We won't be here long enough to get another round.)

2. "I'LL GET THIS ONE, NEXT ONE IS ON YOU."
(Happy hour is about to end...drafts are now a dollar, but by the next round they'll be $4.50 a pop.)

3. "HEY, WHERE IS THAT FRIEND OF YOURS?"
(I have no interest in talking to you except as a way to get your attractive friend into a compromising position.)

4. "EVER TRY A BODY SHOT?" (MALE TO FEMALE)
(I am even willing to drink tequila if it means that I get to lick you.)

5. "EVER TRY A BODY SHOT?" (FEMALE TO MALE)
(If this is how wild I am in the bar, imagine what I'll do to you on the ride home?)

6. "I DON'T FEEL WELL, LET'S GO HOME." (FEMALE)
(You are paying more attention to your friends than me.)

7. I DON'T FEEL WELL, LET'S GO HOME." (MALE)
(I'm horny.)

8. "WHO'S GOT THE NEXT ROUND?"
(I haven't bought a round in almost 3 years, but I am an expert at diverting
attention.)

9. "EXCUSE ME." (MALE TO MALE)
(Get the hell out of the way.)

10. "EXCUSE ME." (MALE TO FEMALE)
(I am going to grope you now.)

11. "EXCUSE ME." (FEMALE TO MALE)
(Don't even think about groping me, just get the hell out of the way.)

12. "EXCUSE ME." (FEMALE TO FEMALE)
(Move your fat ass. Who do you think you are anyway? You are not all that pretty, missy, and don't think for one minute that you are. Coming in here dressing like a ho... Get your eyes off of my man, or I'll slap you, bitch, like the slut you are.)

13. "WHAT DO YOU HAVE ON TAP?"
(What's cheap?)

14. "THAT PERSON LOOKS REALLY FAMILIAR."
(Did I sleep with him/her?)

15. CAN I JUST GET A GLASS OF WATER?" (FEMALE)
(I'm annoying, but cute enough to get away with this.)

16. I DON'T HAVE MY ID ON ME." (FEMALE)
(I'm 16.)

17. "I DON'T HAVE MY ID ON ME." (MALE)
(I don't have a license since I got pulled over and blew a .2 after my last visit here.)

CULTURE/SOCIETY: 18 Life-Changing Events

Inspired by B and her Random Lists of Things - a website I recommend and find quite fun and entertaining, as I have said before - I have come up with a list of my own.

These are seminal events in a person's life. After you have been through one of these events, your life is forever changed and you don't see the world in the same way - or at least part of the world.

I can't say that I have done all of these, so I don't know first-hand if some of these really change your perspective, but from all I've read and heard, I think I'm probably on the right track.

So without further adieu....

1. Taking drugs.
2. Having sex.
3. Living with someone.
4. Getting married.
5. Having children.
6. Getting divorced.
7. Going to college.
8. Traveling outside the U.S.A.
9. Living outside the U.S.A.
10. Being illiterate.
11. Being in prison.
12. Losing one's faith.
13. Regaining one's faith.
14. Getting fired or laid off.
15. Going to war.
16. Killing someone.
17. Attempting suicide.
18. Almost dying.

Like I said, I haven't had all of these things happen to me, but more than I wish for sure.

CULTURE/SOCIETY: My Take on the O.J. Trial

I know it's a little late to comment on it, but Kevin wrote the following in his comment to my blog on the Michael Jackson trial - "Unlike the OJ trial, I think the MJ trial is a far better illustration of how the American justice system is supposed to work."

Well, I would probably agree that Michael's trial is a better illustration on how the American justice system should work, but I think O.J.'s trial also demonstrated it.

I'll say right off that I didn't followed the trial that closely. In fact, I tried to avoid it as much as I could. But it was, of course, totally impossible to completely avoid it.

And from what I saw, I have to admit that I think O.J. is probably guilty.

But I still think he should have been found not guilty at trial.

Why? Glad you asked.

Because they didn't have any way of proving beyond a reasonable doubt that O.J. did it. The evidence had been tampered with and dealt with so poorly, that there was no way it could be rightfully used. Therefore, there was no way to prove O.J. was guilty.

And you can't - and should not - arrest a man for probably or possibly killing someone.

And I know a lot of people will whine and cry about it and complain about our justice system. But I think our justice system did the right thing in the O.J. trial.

If you don't want murderers going free, then make sure the police are honest, so honest people can't be set up. O.J. has to be set free, so that innocent people who are set up can be set free.

And finally, if you want to get mad at someone for O.J.'s freedom, then you should get mad at the LAPD and the crime lab. Because it's their fault the evidence was messed up. If they had done their job right, O.J. might be behind bars now. Like I said, make sure your police are honest.

CULTURE/SOCIETY and (sorta) BOOKS: A Look at the Word "Hubba-Hubba"

I got this from a subscription service. I ordered because my friend got some great quotes from it, but I never seemed to get any. But the subscription's main service was a "word.a.day". And "Hubba-hubba" was one of the words. The following is the responses this word got from some subscribers.

Date: Tue Jun 14 00:01:08 EDT 2005
Subject: A.Word.A.Day--hubba-hubba

hubba-hubba (HUB-uh HUB-uh) interjection

Used to express approval, enthusiasm, or excitement.
Also, akin to wolf whistle.

[Of unknown origin.]

"On Erin Wheeler's first Valentine's Day with her then fiancee,
she received a card featuring a hippo in a tutu on front and a
'Hubba, hubba,' written inside. Enough said."
Annie Pierce; Love American-Style: The Female Take; Columbian
(Vancouver, Washington); Feb 12, 1999.

"I also received a few messages of the hubba-hubba variety from my
female readers, which were greatly appreciated."
Robert X Cringely; IE Nixed, Mozilla Fixed; Infoworld (San Francisco,
California); Jul 30, 2004.

From: Mary Stewart (indiansmaryATaol.com)
Subject: Re: A.Word.A-Day--hubba-hubba

I associate the expression "hubba hubba" with burlesque show humor. If repeated by a well-endowed, scantily clad female it causes her torso to rise and fall in a manner most pleasing to the male audience, who shout "hubba hubba" back to her.

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From: Goldie Silverman (goldie.silvermanATcomcast.net)
Subject: hubba-hubba

When I was a teenager in the 1940s, hubba-hubba referred to a girl with breasts. A common ploy was this: a boy would say to a girl, "Can you touch your elbows behind your back?" When she tried to do this (try it and see what happens to your chest), he would say, "Hubba-hubba!")

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From: Adrian Ashmore-Price (scoutsATninefish.co.nz)
Subject: Re: A.Word.A.Day--hubba-hubba

Down here in New Zealand this has another less savoury meaning.
I guess it's still an interjection though :-)

For many kiwis hubba-hubba is sex, to the point that there's a national advertising campaign to young adults with the byline of no hubba hubba without a rubber, set to a hip-hop anthem and delivered by graffiti styled characters.

But in the end what better expression of approval, enthusiasm and excitement can there be?

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From: Martha Miller (marthamillerATtelus.net)
Subject: hubba-hubba

In the fierce world of an elementary school playground, one of our favorite taunts to any girl and boy we spied talking together was: "Hubba hubba, ding ding, don't forget the wedding ring!"

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From: Nancy Wilson (wilsonnaATsonic.net)
Subject: Hubba-hubba

I remember hearing this, growing up as an Army brat in post-war Hawaii, and always associated it with military slang. The line "Hubba-hubba, ding ding, baby you've got everything" came to mind, and Google says that was from a song by Vince Maloy.

Then I went to Stuart Berg Flexner's "I Hear America Talking" and found this:

"Hubba-hubba, 1941, wide armed forces use in World War II. It's from the Chinese greeting "how-pu-how" and was first used by air force personnel, who got it from Chinese pilots being trained at an air force base in Florida. It was made very popular by radio comedian Bob Hope, who broadcast his weekly show from military bases during the war, using armed forces terms and references to get laughs."

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From: Kelly Shannon (kshannonATcybermesa.com)
Subject: hubba-hubba

I first heard "hubba-hubba" as kid during WWII at the age of 10 or 11; used by GIs. Examples:
"All right, everybody outside for mail-call. Lets go, hubba-hubba."
or
"Serg. wants this truck loaded on the double!, hubba-hubba!"

In, "A Browser's Dictionary and Native's Guide to the Unknown American Language," by John Ciardi, Harpers & Row, Publishers, 1980, Mr. Ciardi writes the following note p.192: hubba-hubba WWII. A variable expressive. When shouted by troops, a cry of enthusiasm. When shouted by an officer or a noncom, a command to react enthusiastically and on the double. [Based on 'hubbub.' It is the fixed dementia of the military mind that troops can be made enthusiastic by being ordered to shout.]

I have to admit that the meaning of "hubba-hubba" that I know from growing up in the '70's - yes, I was an Eric Forman type character, but without the leadership or hot girlfriend - actually I was a lot like the boy in Freaks and Geeks, if anyone remembers that excellent tv show that unfortunately only lasted one year!

But as I was saying, in the '70's in my neck of the woods, "hubba-hubba" wasn't used very much... but we all knew what it meant - that girl is hot! In that way, I suppose it's not that different from what people were saying here.

Did - or does - "hubba-hubba" have a different meaning where any of you are from?

HUMOR and CULTURE/SOCIETY: Some Idle Thoughts on Relationships

My friend, Ernest T Spoon, sent me this via email. He claims to have gotten it from his favorite porn site. Porn site or not, this did tickle my funny bone, though probably more because of my recent divorce. But I still think others will find it humorous.

HAPPINESS

- To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
- To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

- A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
- A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

- A woman has the last word in any argument.
- Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.