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Sunday, April 02, 2006

POLITICS: Breaking News on The Office of The Presidency

This is another wonderful email sent to me by Ernest T Spoon.

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Congress today announced that the office of President of the United States of America will be outsourced as of April 1, 2006. The move is being made to save the $400K yearly salary and a record $521 billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead the office has incurred during the last 5 years.

"The cost savings should be significant," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). Reynolds, with the aid of the Government Accounting Office, has studied outsourcing of American jobs extensively. "We cannot expect to remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of cash outlay," Reynolds noted. Preparations have been under way for some time and Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of his termination.

Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India, will be assuming the office of President as of April 1st. Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his Pakistani parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls, thus making him eligible for the position. He will receive a salary of US$320 a month, with no health coverage or other benefits. It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his responsibilities without a support staff.
Due to the time difference between the US and India, he will work primarily at night, when few offices of the US Government will be open so he should suffer few, if any, interruptions.

"Working nights will also allow me to keep my day job at the American Express call center," stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview. "I am excited about this position. I always hoped I would be President someday."

A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of President. He will rely upon a script tree and can address common concerns, without having to understand the underlying issues at all. "We know these scripting tools work," stated the spokesperson, "President Bush has used them successfully for years."

Following a two week waiting period after his final day in office, Bush will be eligible for $240 a week in unemployment pay for 13 weeks. He will not be eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed limit.

Mr. Bush has been provided the services of Manpower, Inc. to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition. A Greeter position at Wal-Mart was suggested due to Bush's extensive experience shaking hands and smiling no matter what the circumstances.

Another possibility is Bush's re-enlistment in the Texas Air National Guard. His prior records are conspicuously vague but should he choose this option, he would likely be stationed in Waco for a month, before being sent to Iraq, a country he has visited. "I've been there, I know all about Iraq," stated Mr. Bush, who gained invaluable knowledge of the country in a visit to the Baghdad Airport 's terminal and gift shop.

Sources in Baghdad and Falluja say Mr. Bush would receive a tremendous welcome from local Iraqis. They have asked to be provided with details of his arrival so they might arrange an appropriate welcome.

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