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Thursday, August 03, 2006

CULTURE/SOCIETY: Coming to Terms with My Daughter's Bigotry and Prejudice

If you got one of my letters, you've already read this, but I figured casual readers would get a kick out of it too. - OlderMusicGeek

It seems - I hate to say it- but I must admit it. It's hard to face the fact that my daughter is one. But there's no denying it. I just have to say it.

My daughter is an alphabetist!

There I said it - or at least wrote it. I tried to deny it for a long time. Pretend that it was just a coincidence, but I finally had to face the truth.

I was looking through the listings on my cell phone. My daughter was trying to find someone home that she could play with. And I came to realize that my daughter doesn't have any friends after the letter M. All of my daughter's friends are in the first half of the alphabet! All the names after M were my friends! M is as far as she goes!

There's no Nancy's, Pam's, Regina's, Sarah's, Tessa's, Veronica's or Wendy's! And certainly no Xavieria's or Yolanda's! And most definitely no Zee-Zee's or Zsa-Zsa's!

I told my daughter she was an alphabetist, but she tried to deny it. She talked about friends she had at school whose names started with the second half of the alphabet, but then I asked why they weren't good enough to play with outside of school. She said they were, but she hadn't got their numbers yet.

Yeah, right. Heard stories like that before.

My only comfort is that the son of my girlfriend, The Sassy Witch, is an even bigger alphabetist. It turns out he's had two girlfriends whose names started with A, and his current wife is an A name. Plus, her son's name starts with an A! The Sassy Witch and I were wondering if he might be an A-wannabe, wishing his name was Arthur or Alex, or something even closer to the front of the alphabetizing like Abe! Or even better, Aaron!

People, please let's work harder to wipe out alphabetism! I remember being a person with a last name that started with a letter near the end of the alphabet. And there were teachers who handed tests back alphabetically! Then to add salt to the wound, they would say you could go after you got your test! The only time I wasn't last was the year there was a person with the last name of Young in our class!

They wouldn't have done that if their last name was Zimmerman or one of those East European names that start with Zy like my poor college buddy!

Wipe out alphebetism in our time! People at the end of the alphabet (the omega-psi's as I like to call us) unite!

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