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Saturday, October 18, 2008

CULTURE/SOCIETY: How To Survive A Horror Movie

I found these on various websites, each claiming the rules as their own! So I have no idea where any of them really came from! - OlderMusicGeek

- When it appears that you have killed the monster, never check to see if it's really dead.
- If you've just pushed the monster/psychopath/axe murderer in the lake from your boat dock or a bridge, don't lean over to see if he's gone!
- Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.
- Do not keep all your sharpened kitchen knives in one of those wooden blocks on your work surface.
- Never back out of one room into another without looking. It's always behind you.
- If you are running away from the killer/monster, don't even try to start the car. It doesn't matter if the car is brand new, it won't start.
- When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off or go it alone.
- Never accept a job as a camp counselor.
- Never say "Who's there?"
- Kill the Scientist. No matter what else you do, kill him off right away. They always want to study "it," or take "it" back to the corporate masters, or learn from "it" at the expense of comrades lives. Eggheads are always trying to understand the unknown, and get nearly everyone killed doing it. Get a clue, kill the guy with the pocket protector, he's going to sacrifice you anyway.
- If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.
- If you are running for your life and are being chased by a monster/psychopath/axe murderer and you happen to be female, take the high-heeled shoes OFF!
- If you are a girl with long blonde hair, blue eyes and big boobs, well, you are pretty much screwed.
- Union rules permit monsters to follow you but they are not permitted to attack until you have turned around to see if they are there.
- When you're searching a house because you think there's something dangerous there, for God's sake turn the lights on!
- If you're searching for something that caused a mysterious noise and find out that it's just the cat, leave the room immediately if you value your life.
- If you find a town that looks deserted, it's probably that way for a reason. Take the hint and stay away.
- Never say that you'll be right back, because you won't.
- If anything other than water (i.e., blood or thick goo of any color) comes out of a faucet, do not call a plumber. Leave the house immediately.
- Do not take *anything* from the dead.
- When finding a meteor/egg sac/fetal creature of any kind, step away! DO NOT give in to the diabolical urge to poke it with a stick.

The #1 rule for surviving a horror movie: DON'T HAVE SEX!!!

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