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Wednesday, August 28, 2013

MY LIFE - 50 For My 50th Day 18: "When It's Cold" and "Into The Blue" by Moby and other songs that describe how I felt suicidal

For an explanation of "50 For My 50th", go here - http://oldermusicgeek.blogspot.com/2013/08/entertainment-50-for-my-50th-50-days-of.html

I'm not proud of this fact, but I did try to kill myself once. And it wasn't a cry for help. No note. Went where it was hard to find me. The only reason I'm still alive is because I didn't take enough pills or vomited up too much of them.

Why did I try to kill myself? Even a decade later, it's to explain completely.

I mean, I obviously wasn't thinking straight.

But basically, it boiled down to this.

I was took pride in being a good husband and a good dad. And I failed on that when I cheated on my wife.

Secondly, my wife was threatening to go back to Africa with our daughter. I was transgender and Africa is very traditional. I knew I could have trouble getting custody and visitation rights there.

And thirdly, my wife outed my transgenderism to my family and friends.

So, in my crazed, depressed state of mind, I didn't see much reason to live. I failed as a father and husband. I was losing my wife. Thought I might never see my daughter again.

I was an idiot. More than a decade later, I'm happily divorced from that awful woman. I have custody of my daughter. And my daughter and I only get a few texts from her mother every few months. And I, with the help of a great therapist, decided my transgenderism was just something I went through to cope, deal, and come to terms with my feminine side.

Morale of the story: Suicide bad! Don't do it!

A playlist about my suicide attempt including Moby's "When It's Cold" and "Into The Blue":

Click the link below to listen to my monstrosity of a playlist, OlderMusicGeek's 50th B-Day, on Spotify:

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