ENTERTAINMENT and CULTURE/SOCIETY: At Least, I'm Still a MUSIC Geek.

Okay, so I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'm not a nerd or geek, but that I am a dork. Don't like it, but I'm coming to terms with it.

But at least I can still say I'm a music geek. Which means I don't have to change my name to OlderMusicDork. Thank the god (if there is one)!

The Music Geek Test

Acid-tinged Geek!

You think of music as an experience, like an amazing drug trip, without the annoying flashbacks. You prefer to put on an old psychedelic record, lay on the ground, and let the music carry you. You're probably a fan of folk, ambient, or late 60's rock. (I like folk music and late '60's rock, but not big on ambient. Prefer uptempo music like punk and bluegrass. - OlderMusicGeek)

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 99% on Hedonism You scored higher than 99% on Hardcore-ness You scored higher than 99% on Knowledge You scored higher than 99% on Relevance

(Yes! - OlderMusicGeek)

Link: The Music Geek Test written by professorchaos5 on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

The Music Nerd Test - 45.16908% - Super Music Nerd

Music Nerd Rankings:
Insult To Music Nerds
Not A Music Nerd
Casual Music Nerd
Total Music Nerd
Major Music Nerd
Super Music Nerd
Mega Music Nerd
Extreme Music Nerd
Hardcore Music Nerd
Obsessed Music Nerd

The Ultimate Music Fanatic Test

You scored 290!

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 99% on hardcore fan

Link: The The Ultimate Music Fanatic Test written by sixo71 on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

HUMOR and SPIRITUALITY/RELIGION: Basketball Play by Play (fixed continuity error - replaces earlier)

I found this when I was playing the Google name game. I thought it was pretty funny, so I'm passing it on. - OlderMusicGeek

From: nomad@watson.ibm.com (Lee Damon)

You know you are bored when you type up basketball play-by-play while waiting for tapes to spin. This one was conceived in the car on the way to work, and wrote itself that afternoon. As far as I know, it is entirely original.

---
"Jesus saves!"

"But Moses gets the rebound, he shoots... he scores!"

"That's right, Dan, looks like the Testaments are really trampling Jesus and his Gospels here at the Garden tonight. Best crowd we've seen at the Garden in quite a while, too. The Testaments have an 18 point lead, and are gaining."

"Well Jack, the Testaments have done well for the last 40 days. Last week, they knocked the sneakers off the Buddhists, and the week before that they trampled the Kaaba. I wouldn't be surprised to see them win the championships this year."

"Paul has the ball, he hands it off to Luke...quick pass to Mark, to Jesus, back to Paul, lay up... hook shot... good!"

"Paul has been doing well tonight, earning 18 of the Gospels' 56 points. Having two cheering sections of Corinthians is really working for him. Jesus has the worst record he's had for a long time, only 10 points all evening. Doesn't look like he'll be changing that water into GatorAde tonight."

"Samson hands off to Noah, back to Samson, back to Noah.. wow, watch that foot work. Noah can sure move his feet for someone 900 years old. Back to Samson, over to Mohammed, back to Noah, up the court to Abraham, over his back hook ... bouncing off the backstop... round the rim .... in!"

"Wow, that Abraham really likes showing off his knife shots. That one was a close call though, he almost missed the backstop entirely."

"Ya Dan, he's been having problems with that lately. Too flashy for many of the other player's tastes. He seems to like making sacrifice plays."

"Mohammed out, Lot in."

"Luke hands to Paul, over to Matthew, to Mark, back to Matthew, they are working the court carefully... over to... oops, intercepted by Noah! Watch that man dribble! Noah lines up, shoots, a perfect swisher! Another 2 for Noah!"

"Now there's a man who doesn't do anything by halves Jack, unlike his team mate, Solomon."

"True Dan, in fact, he seems to do everything by twos."

"On the other hand, the Gospels only have 3 minutes to make up a 20 point deficit. Do you think they can do it?"

"I don't know Dan, though Jesus has been able to pull some pretty amazing miracles, this one may be beyond even Him."

"Abraham out, Sheba in."

"Paul to Jesus, over to Luke, back to Jesus, to Paul... to Luke... to Matthew, to Paul... to Mark... back to Jesus again for the lay up, hook shot... looks like he hit the rim, into the backstop, and back in for 2 points!"

"Dan, have you noticed how none of them are taking advantage of the 3 point rule? The Gospels are going to have to if they want to win this game."

"Samson tosses it over to Moses again... to Sheba... she's been playing real well today, lots of good interception in the first quarter...Sheba hands it to Lot... Lot dribbling slowly, letting time run out, only a few seconds left for him to shoot.... balls up... saved by Jesus, Moses there to cover, gets the ball back before Jesus can take advantage of it... Moses shoots, its good!"

"Moses seems to always be there to catch those rebounds."

"Yes Jack, the crowd just seems to part for him where ever he goes."

"Oops, looks like one of the ref's has told Jesus something he doesn't like. Jesus has just told him to kiss off."

"The referees, Judas and Herod, want to confer with the Gospels about this, so The Gospels have taken a time out. We'll be right back after this word from our Sponsors; Pope Soap on a Rope, Bernie's Grill, Bar & Mitzvah and Cardinal
Cleaning."

HUMOR: Some Google Games with Your Name

My brother, Harmonica23 , sent me this via a MySpace bulletin -

----------------- Bulletin Message -----------------
From: Harmonica23
Date: Sep 1, 2006 9:05 PM

Alrighty, so I was messing about with Google and came across a few rather amusing quotes using my name and an action verb. You know the drill, put "Your Name Licked" in quotes and Google it.

Just to appease all the smartalecks:

No standard web pages containing all your search terms were found.

Your search - "Your Name Licked" - did not match any documents.

Now go do it the Right Way!

Harmonica23 ~ "Dave licked a dead guy . Pass it on"

I, myself, came up with this ditty - Dan licked his fingers then put them in his ears.


He also had a great one I've been meaning to pass one, but haven't got around to doing it. So now I finally will.

The same idea, but a different verb - "Your name looks like". Don't forget the quotes or you won't get the exact phrase.

Here's some from the first page. Most, if not all, seem to be referring to the Harry Potter actor.

Dan looks like something bigger flew up his butt
Dan looks like he is crack or something.., he's still hot... GO DAN!
Dan looks like he's been drinking. and what's that on his arm?
Dan looks like he's kind of checking out the Angel's rack
Dan looks like a potential candidate for Every 15 Minutes
Dan looks like a girl here, what with the plaited hair and broad hips
Dan looks like a bit of a nerd from the back lol!

CULTURE/SOCIETY: Update on The Dam

One of my buddies, who I'll call The Music/Computer Dork, sent me this from snopes.com.

Origins: In July 1997, one of Stephen Tvedten's neighbors noticed flooding on his property and traced it back to a dam on Tvedten's stream. He complained to the Michigan Department of Environmental Quality (DEQ) on July 28.

Five months later, the agency responded with a letter to the offending land owner. The letter, from David Price, a Dam it! local Michigan DEQ official, was blunt. The "construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond" was "unauthorized" because "a permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity." The letter ordered Stephen Tvedten, the land owner, to "cease and desist" under penalty of "elevated enforcement action."

Mr. Tvedten responded to the Michigan DEQ's demand with the now widely-circulated "dam letter," in which he pointed out that the "debris dams" he had been ordered to remove because they were constructed without permission from the state of Michigan were actually built by beavers. The DEQ later claimed they were fully aware the "debris dams" were beaver dams; the issue, they said, was that the beavers who built them had long since abandoned the dams, but Mr. Tvedten had been continuing to maintain and even build up the dams himself:

The letter concerned an enforcement action directed to a tenant on property surrounding Spring Pond, which is located in Pierson Township, Montcalm County, Michigan. The tenant was observed by the downstream complainant, and has since admitted to the complainant, that he artificially built up, and maintained two abandoned beaver dams on the discharge end of the natural pond. Such an activity falls under the jurisdiction of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resources and Environmental Protection Act, 1194 PA 451, as amended. It is the Department's position that in the absence of any threat to public welfare, beaver dams should be left in their natural state, that being either actively maintained or abandoned by beaver.

The Department conducted an on-site inspection of the dams in August of 1997, accompanied by a Department of Natural Resources fisheries biologist, the Pierson Township Supervisor and the complainant. The tenant's actions, and a threat to the welfare of the downstream complainant prompted our correspondence of December 1997, instructing the tenant to cease and desist all illegal activity and to restore the stream to its prior condition. The owner of the property took issue with our action, and responded with his own version of the situation. It was this correspondence that has been circulating in the internet.

Luis Saldivia
Grand Rapids District Supervisor
Land and Water Management Division
616-356-0208

For his part, Mr. Tvedten claimed that the dams had been "abandoned" because a neighbor had killed the beavers (then filed a complaint with the state because he was concerned that the untended dams would break apart and enter his property) and that no one but the beavers had ever maintained them. And contemporaneous accounts of the brouhaha quoted a Michigan DEQ spokesman as saying the agency hadn't performed an inspection before firing off their December 1997 letter to Mr. Tvedten:

Ken Silfven, public information officer at the state Department of Environmental Quality, said that . . . the account was correct. He hastened to note, however, that the case was prompted by a complaint from a neighbor who was concerned about flooding caused by the dams.

The department dropped its investigation after an inspection by a DEQ employee.

"It probably would have been a good idea to do the inspection before we sent the notice," Silfven said.

After some wrangling the agency ultimately dropped the issue, but not before Stephen Tvedten found an inventive way of quickly pointing out both how ludicrous and humorous the situation was. In a way dusty legal language never could, such a letter serves to drive home the silliness of Michigan DEQ's intractable posturing. The beavers are likely still ignorant of how close they came to being fined $10,000 a day for dam living expenses.

Barbara "in Michigan, transforming from guardian of the law to giardia of it just took a touch of beaver fever" Mikkelson

Last updated: 5 August 2002

HUMOR and POLITICS: The Dam

Another humorous email forwarded to me by The Sassy Witch. I can't tell you whether this is a real letter or not, but it has the ring of one. - OlderMusicGeek

This is a letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Quality, State of Pennsylvania . This guy's response is hilarious, but read the State's letter before you get to the response letter.

SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County

Dear Mr. DeVries:

It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:

Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond.

A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity.

A review of the department files shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.

The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2006.

Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff.

Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action..

We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.

Sincerely,
David L. Price
District Representative and Water Management Division.


Here is the response sent back by Mr. DeVries:

Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T1 1N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County

Dear Mr. Price,

Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to respond to. I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget Lane , Trout Run, Pennsylvania .

A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of natures building materials "debris." I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.

As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.

My first dam question to you is:
(1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers.
(2) Or do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request?

If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.

I have several concerns. My first concern is: aren't the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation -- so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling their dam names.

If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English.

In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).


So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2006? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then.

In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality, health, problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone.

If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! The bears are not careful where they dump!

Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.


THANK YOU.
RYAN DEVRIES & THE DAM BEAVERS

HUMOR and CULTURE/SOCIETY: Dear Kotex

A hilarious email forwarded to me by my girlfriend, The Sassy Witch. - OlderMusicGeek

Dear Kotex:

I recently noticed that the peel-off strip of my pantiliner had a bunch of "Kotex Tips for Life" on it.

Annoying advice such as:

Staying active during your period can relieve cramps.
Avoiding caffeine may help reduce cramps and headaches.
Drink 6-8 glasses of water a day to keep you hydrated and feeling fresh.
Try Kotex blah blah blah other products...

Obviously the individual behind this was someone who has never possessed a functioning set of ovaries. Go ahead and tell a menstruating woman that drinking 6-8 glasses of water will help keep her feeling fresh.

Like we need more fluid inside our bloated bodies from hell...but go ahead...I triple-dog-friggen-dare-ya... See what happens and report back. I'll wait.

While you're at it, dump out the coffee at work and remove the chocolate from the vending machine. I guaran-friggen-tee that the first responders will be females who just ovulated.

Staying active will relieve headaches & cramps...well guess what, the only activities that interests me is eating..sleeping..bitching or crying for no apparent reason.. ...and oh...does ripping someone's head off count as a friggen' activity?????

Look, females don't need or want tips for living on their feminine hygiene products. Younger girls are already hearing "helpful" crap like that from elderly relatives. Veteran females have already concocted their own recipes for survival, many containing alcohol & barbituates.

Printing out crud advice while sneaking in ads for the brand that was already purchased is just plain annoying, not to mention rude, and is enough to send a girl running to the Always brand.

It's not a fun time, but DO NOT try to cheer us up by adding smiley faces or bunnies or flowery cutesy crap to your products or the packaging. Put the crap in a plain brown wrapper so we can throw it in our carts discreetly and have it blend in among the wine and beer.

There is nothing more annoying than having a blinding pink package announcing your uterine state to everyone in the store. Why don't ya just add an in-store microphone to the package & announce that...helloooo, another female in the store is on the rag!!!!!

So take your tips for living and your cute bunnies & the smiley faces and shove them right up your butt.

PS How about adding a free sample of Pamprin & maybe a shot of Bourbon to your packages instead!!!

CULTURE/SOCIETY: Oh No! Not a Dork!

Well, if you read the blog entry below, you will learn of my identity crisis, where I came to realize I wasn't a geek or a nerd. And I used to think, "Well, I may be a nerd - or a geek - but at least I'm not a dork!"

And I listened to The Sex Pistols in high school and The Clash in college. I could have become a punk rocker when I had the chance! Or at least a "new waver"! I listened to Devo and Talking Heads too! (And Talking Heads weren't cool in the late 70s/early 80s!)

But I'm afraid that I'm not a punk rocker, or a new waver - which is probably a good thing when you're in your mid-40's! But I'm not even a nerd or geek now either. Despite the fact that one of my co-workers - who I will call The Crazy Smart Alec Co-Worker - says she uses "dork" as a "term of endearment", I don't find it very endearing or desirable. Unfortunately, it does seem applicable - as the following results show....

Oh, this identity crisis gets worse and worse.

Dork Quiz

You're an Official DORK

Ding ding ding! We have a winner! You're a dork. You knew that. You know a lot of random stuff actually...You probably know what a male duck is called, and no, it's not a duck. I bet you tell "I'm a big dork" stories on a fairly regular basis. You're a member of Alpha Beta Needa Data. But what makes you cool (in your own sort of way) anyway is that you take all of this with a sense of humor. You know full well there's nothing wrong with being a little strange; you wouldn't have it any other way. That's pretty respectable. Even if your socks don't really match, if you look at 'em up close. But who's going to be looking that close at your socks anyway, right? So take pride in your dorkiness. You rock.

What Kind of Dork are You?

2.Secure Dork- You could care less about what people think of you. For the most part people are cool with you except for assholes.

The Nerd? Geek? or Dork? Test

Tri-Lamb Material
60 % Nerd, 30% Geek, 56% Dork
For The Record:

A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia.
A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one.
A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions.
You scored better than half in Nerd and Dork, earning you the coveted title of: Tri-Lamb Material.

The classic, "80's" nerd, you are what most people think of when they think "nerd," largely due to 80's movies like Revenge of the Nerds and TV shows like Head of the Class. You're exceptionally bright and smart, and partly because of that have never quite fit in with your peers or social groups. Perhaps you've realized, or will someday, that it is possible to retain all of the things that you like about being brilliant and still make peace with the social cliques around you. Or maybe you won't--it's really not necessary. As the brothers of Lambda Lambda Lambda discovered, you're fine just the way you are and can take pride in that. I mean, who wants to be like Ogre, right!?

Congratulations!


Dork Spectrum: Where Do You Fall

Inconspicuous Dork- (Moderate Abnormality)-

This rank of Dorkiness is a combination of a playful spirit with an ignorant social perspective. The Inconspicuous Dork is awkward in all or some of the following; posture, physical movement, gestures, facial expression. They also may display some deficit in the area of appropriate humor and social communication interactions. Their humor is seldom appropriate or understandable to anyone other than themselves. The main distinction between an Inconspicuous Dork and a Full-on Dork lies primarily in the awareness and effort of the alleged Dork. If awareness and effort are low but result in the same awkward actions and comments this is endearing and often considered "“Quirky". On the other hand, if there is a considerable amount of effort put forth to formulate related humor or obviously rehearsed actions that are not well received, this increased effort and somewhat evident awareness of awkward actions can be classified as "Annoying"”. Anyone who is annoying has reached the gateway to Full-o

Click Here to Take This Quiz
Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.Unfortunately, with this test, they don't show the other rankings, so you can get a good look where you fall.

How much of a dork are you?
- Sort of dorky. You probably are.
Again, nothing to compare you to other scores! Sheesh!

Are you a dork? - You have 4 from 10 questions correct. Not that bad! But watch it you're getting up there. You are almost at the borderline: Citizenship??? Dork.

Just how dorky are you? - With your 50 % you are: You are not only a dork, you're the president of the National Dork Society (NDS)! That's a good thing! You're fun, and simple things amuse you. You are unique! Get out the cheese and celebrate! 22 % from 9007 test takers had this profile!

And this test shows the other possible results! Yay!

CULTURE/SOCIETY: Identity Crisis! Oh My God! I'm Not a Nerd or a Geek!

I just don't know how to deal with this. But I've taken various tests on nerdy or geeky I am. Yahoo, in fact, recently listed a bunch. And I don't come up very high!

Now obviously, most people would come away with this noise with great rejoice.
But I was a big social reject in high school. And it took me a while to come to terms with who I was and with what I thought was my nerdity. I decided I didn't care what people think - I wanted to read comicbooks and science fiction and listen to punk rock and new wave (which was radical in the midwest in the early 80s!).

I even went to my high school class's 5th reunion just to come to terms with my supposed nerdity.

Now I find I'm not even a nerd! I'm just some weird social reject of an undefined nature. I don't know - maybe I dealt with my nerdity too well.

But now I don't know what I am.

If you have any ideas out there, I love to hear it. What the heck am I? Certainly not a yuppie! What am I?! WHAT AM I?!?! WHAT - FOR GOD'S SAKE - AM I?!?!?!

Your Geek Profile:

Academic Geekiness: High Music Geekiness: High Fashion Geekiness: Moderate Geekiness in Love: Low Movie Geekiness: Low SciFi Geekiness: Low Gamer Geekiness: None General Geekiness: None Internet Geekiness: None

How Geeky Are You?

Are you a nerd or a geek? - You are a partial nerd! You do slightly nerdy things, but you don't go too far with it. But sometimes, you just need to wear a bow tie that was picked out by your mother and buy some Pokemon cards!

Geek

You scored 75 variable 1!You're okay. You're my type of person. We could talk.
By the way, this tag is from Badali Jewelry. They were kind enough to give me permission to use their tags.

Link: The Well-Rounded Geek Test written by ceruleanl on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test Your nerdiness is: Not nerdy, but definitely not hip Nerd Purity Test - I'm only 24% Nerd on this test and have my Weirdness Factor is only 16%. The average for most people is 26.2% Nerd. Geek Purity Test - I'm only 14.7% Geek on this test and my Weirdness Factor is only 10%! The average is 19.9% Geek. Some interesting questions though... Is your desk a mess? Do you have empty soda cans all around you? Do you stay up into the wee hours of the morning? Is your room messier before an earthquake? Do you shower less than once a week? -- twice a week? -- every other day? -- every day? -- multiple times a day? Do you change your underwear less than once a week? -- less than twice? -- every other day? -- every day? Do you comb your hair? Do you change your sheets less than once a month? -- less than twice? -- every week? Have you worn one pair of clothes all week? -- month? -- year!? Have you put on deodorant less than once in the past month? -- less than twice? -- less than every week? -- less than every day? Do you eat your boogers? Do you hawk loogies? Do you blow 'snot-rockets'? Do you adjust yourself in public? Do you try to make farts really loud? Have you ever lit a fart in the intent to make a flame thrower? -- did it work? Do you piss all over toilet seats in public places? -- at home? Do you not flush the toilet when you use it? Does your sink have crusty plates and dishes in it? -- are they older than a week old? Do you leave the floss in the sink when your done? Do you wipe your boogers on your clothes? Do you want to get married? Do you make rude and disgusting noises in bed for your own enjoyment? Do you read literature while on the throne? The Nerdity Test - My Nerdity Quotient is 11.6%. The average is 32.4. That makes me a mere Nerd-In-Training. Not even a Nerd Wannabe. 0 - 20.99 Nerd-in-Training 21 - 35.99 Nerd-wannabe 36 - 50.99 Closet nerd 51 - 60.99 Your social life needs some serious help 61 - 70.99 YOU need some serious help 71 - 80.99 Your best friend is a microchip 81 - 90.99 "Revenge of the Nerds" poster-child 91 - 99.99 Move over, Einstein 100 Hail, O Nerd Master, virgin sliderules I sacrifice unto you It also has some interesting questions... Have you ever read an encyclopedia entry that you weren't researching? Have you ever wanted to know something for no apparent reason? Have you ever been laughed at for wanting to know something? Can you program the time on a VCR? Has anyone ever asked you to program their VCR time for them? Can you whistle, hum, sing or snap the theme songs to... ...Gilligan's Island? ...Flintstones? ...The Brady Bunch? ...The Jetson's? ...The Addam's Family? ...I Dream of Jeannie? Have you ever seen any of the "Revenge of The Nerd" movies more than once? Have you seen all of the Star Wars movies? ...in one 24 hour period? Do you refer to the various "Treks" as "TOS" (The Original Series), "TNG" (The Next Generation) and "DS9" (Deep Space 9) or similar? Have you ever argued with someone over which "Trek" is better? Have you ever argued over who was a better commander of the Enterprise? Do you have acne? Do you have greasy hair? ...without realizing it? Have you ever worn a button-down shirt and left the tails hanging out? Have you ever eaten pizza cold? ...do you like it that way? ...because you're too lazy to reheat it? Do you talk to yourself? ...when other people are around? ...do they talk back? ...do they seem to be more/less intelligent than you? Mark this true if you did NOT go to your senior prom. Have you ever contemplated the meaning of life/existence of God? ...while not drunk? ...while alone? Have you ever found a grammatical error in a published book? Have you ever given an inanimate object a name? Was the object something electronic or mechanical? Did the object also have a "personality"? The Innergeek Geek Test - 20.51282% (which qualifies me as a geek, but not a strong one) + Geekish Tendencies......................≥09% ++ Geek.............................................≥15% +++ Total Geek................................≥25% ++++ Major Geek............................≥35% +++++ Super Geek..........................≥45% ++++++ Extreme Geek..................≥55% +++++++ Geek God........................≥65% +++++++! Dysfunctional Geek......≥75% The Compleat Geek Test - I was pretty much tied between normal and mostly normal - with only one answer in the geek category! Mostly A's: You're normal. Boring Boring Boring. You're the sort of person who'll just fritter their way thru life enjoying themselves and having a good time. Shame on you! Mostly B's: You're mostly normal. Nothing a little ECT can't clear away in any case. You almost make it into the "Mostly A's" above. Mostly C's: Geek Alert! Break out the pocket protector! With a set of horn rims and a pocket calculator, you're ready for Revenge Part #72. You can be the person that gets beat up all the time. Mostly D's: So you're a socipath; But that doesn't mean you're a bad person! Just keep taking the Lithium and everything'll be fine. The Unofficial 250 Question Purdue University Nerdity Examination Computer Experience: 14% Math Experience - wait, I'm sorry, Mathematical Experience - 18% Science Experience - 16% Nerd Culture (did a little better here) - 36% Nerd Sex (not saying what I answered yes to!) - 18% Average - 20% God, I'm not a real nerd. I just live the Nerd Culture! Some questions from the test - 24) Have you ever defeated a computer virus (cleaned out your system with no data loss and little loss of time)? 25) Do you collect viruses? 26) Have you ever infected another computer with a virus intentionally? 27) Have you ever written a computer virus? 28) Was it for profit? 29) Have you ever been AT A LOSS for storage space on your hard drive? 43) Have you ever thrown out an algorithm because it took more time than another algorithm? 44) Have you ever thrown out an algorithm because it used more memory than another algorithm? 45) Have you ever worried about dirty electricity (yes this is a legitimate question; we have this problem in Chicago.) 72) Can you count to more than 1000 on two hands? 76) Can you calculate sales tax in your head? 77) Do you know how to add the numbers 1, 2, 3, ... 100 in less than one minute using just a paper and pencil? 86) Do you know the first seven Prime Numbers? 105) Did you ever make illegal substances (explosives, drugs, etc.) with a chemistry set? 143) Have you ever had an experiment catch fire or explode on you? 149) Have you ever been the target of a political group because of your experiments (i.e.- Operation Rescue, Animal Liberation Front, Mad Mothers Against Socially Unacceptable Physicists, etc.) 152) Have you ever been told to leave a party for reasons other than obnoxious behavior? 156) Have you ever read "The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy"? 157) Have you read the entire trilogy (all five books)? 158) Have you ever seen an episode of Star Trek? 159) Dr. Who? 160) Star Trek: The Next Generation? 161) Blake's Seven? 162) Deep Space Nine? 163) Kung Fu: The Legend Continues? 191) Have you ever made a technical joke? 192) Did nobody get it? 199) Have people ever winced when they heard your major, field of study or occupation? 200) Have you ever taken a nerdity test? 205) Have you ever had sex with two or more nerds in a 24 hour period? 206) Have you ever had sex with a nerd to the point of orgasm? 207) Have you ever had sex with a nerd to the point of mutual orgasm? 208) Have you ever had sex with the same nerd more than once in a 24 hour period or had one session of sex which lasted for three hours or three orgasms, whichever came first? 210) Have you ever had a steady relationship with more than one nerd at a time, such that neither knew (or so you believed)? 216) Have you ever worn any of the items in glasses, dress slacks, or a shirt with equations, a picture of a scientist, mathematician or computer scientist on the front in order to seduce someone? 217) Have you ever tried to pick someone up by reciting Pi? 234) Have you ever gotten turned on by a biology textbook? 235) Have you ever turned someone else on by reading them sections from a biology textbook? 240) Have you ever made love in a chemistry lab? 241) a physics lab? 242) a biology lab? 243) a computer lab? 244) Have you ever picked someone up in one of the labs mentioned in 240-3 while class was in session? 245) Have you ever petted or made out with someone in one of the labs mentioned in 240-3 while class was in session? 247) Did you do any of 240-6 and still get your work done in time? 250) Have you ever offered to help someone out in math, science or computer science in order to pick them up? You know - after re-reading some of these questions, I think that losing my identity as a nerd might be a pretty good thing!

CULTURE/SOCIETY: The Thrace Survey

My much younger brother, Harmonica23 sent me this. Fill out your version if you want. Don't bother reading it if you don't want to. Just sending in case people are curious. Plus, I'm trying to clear out my emails! - OlderMusicGeek

THREE SURVEY:

Three Names You Go By:
1. Dan
2. OlderMusicGeek
3. Nicholas Y Carlson - for internet sites, so they can't steal my identity - I also put my birthday as July 4!

Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1. glasses
2. t-shirt
3. underwear

Three things you want in a relationship:
1. humor
2. respect
3. rarrr!

Three things you want really badly: (right now)
1. My sickness that only makes tired - with no other symptoms - to go away
2. a maid or wife - willing to share either
3. more money - but will settle for an ipod

Three pets you had/have:
1. Darkside - one of the most playful cats ever
2. Dobie - so-named because it was grey and Radio Lesotho kept playing Dobie Gray's "Drift Away"
3. Mollo - another cat whose name is Sesotho for fire, because it was yellow and feisty

Three favorite sports:
1. hiking
2. yeah, a nerd like me is into sports
3. any sport someone I know is playing

Three people who will fill this out:
1. don't know
2. don't care
3. maybe my girlfriend

Three things you did last night:
1. instant message
2. sleep
3. email

Three Favorite Places to eat:
1. El Rodeo
2. Olive Garden
3. anywhere dirt cheap

Three People that live in your place:
1. me
2. my daughter
3. the farting ghost - Well, someone has to be doing it when my daughter and I both say we didn't do it!

Three things you like about yourself:
1. fairly intelligent
2. witty - though some say obnoxious - the jealous ones of course!
3. I think I'm a pretty good dad

Three things you ate today:
1. toast
2. peanut butter
3. might have swallow a little toothpaste

Three people you last talked To:
1. my girlfriend
2. my daughter
3. a crazy smart-aleck co-worker

Three things you're doing tomorrow:
1. resting
2. maybe a little shopping
3. sleeping

Three things that make you laugh:
1. my daughter
2. my girlfriend
3. maybe that crazy smart-aleck co-worker, not wait, myself - yes, I admit it!

Three things that you want to do this year:
1. be healthy!
2. don't have many goals this year - last year was hard enough!
3. spend more time with my daughter

HUMOR and CULTURE/SOCIETY: American History Quiz

Yeah, I still clearing out my emails! This one is from Ernest T Spoon. - OlderMusicGeek

It was the first day of school and a new student named Pedro Martinez entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me death?'"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775."

"Very good!" apprised the teacher. "Now, who said, 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth?'"

Again, no response except from Pedro: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863."

The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed! Pedro, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do!"

She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Mexicans!"

"Who said that?" she demanded.

Pedro put his hand up. "Jim Bowie, 1836."

At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke." The teacher glared and asked, "All right! Now, who said that?"

Again, Pedro answered, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."

Now furious, another student yelled, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"

Pedro jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the teacher, "Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

Now, with almost mob hysteria, teacher said, "You little jerk. If you say anything else, I'll kill you!"

Pedro frantically yelled at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy 2001."

The teacher fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the floor, someone said, "Oh, we're in BIG trouble now!"

Pedro whispered, "Saddam Hussein, 2003."

Finally a student threw an eraser at Pedro, someone else shouted "Duck!"

The teacher, just waking, asked "Who said that?"

Pedro responded "Dick Cheney 2006!"